A Letter to My 9 Year Old Self

As I write this letter to you, I have a lump in my throat just thinking of the torment that one day will flood your mind, darken your heart, and torment your soul. I desperately want to reach through the particles of air to grab you and hold you, so you will find relief and comfort throughout these next 20 years…but I can’t. All I can do is assure you of a few truths.

As you go through this time, you will kick your door and scream at God. You will sit before a medicine cabinet wishing you had the courage to down every pill so you can end the lingering pain. You will trust in friends and confide in them; in which they will use innermost thoughts and feelings against you in order to destroy you. I want to tell you that I am very grateful and proud of you that you don’t choose to take those pills, and you do find your way out of the dark heart that is about to consume you.

As you go through the next 20 years of darkness caused by betrayal, uncertainty, confusion, loneliness, and revenge, I want you to have a glimpse of the overcomer that is within you.

You at 33 are successful; not just in business, but successful in controlling your life, making life happen the way God intended it to, having a relationship with God, loving to the fullest, protecting your environment, forgiving yourself and others, and leading others through their own brokenness. At 33 you have written 11 books in one years time, with more scheduled for this next year, 2016. You teach in prisons, and the program you developed has just made its way into High Schools, where you will begin to help others adolescents overcome what you are about to overcome throughout the next 20 years.

You are married with 4 beautiful children, and have a husband who adores you and believes you have hung the moon. At your age now, the age of 9, you are about to find out that people no longer think you are a cute little girl and they will grow to despise you. No worries though, because by the time you are my age now, 33, you will come to realize it is perfectly okay not to be liked by many. This is because you love and respect yourself, you sleep very well at night, and you only need a couple true friends. Your trials that are coming will darken you, but only for a season, as you will find your strength, confidence, and abilities through God in this time of darkness.

I pray this tear stained letter finds you back in 1991 so you can see yourself through my eyes – the older you.

Written with love and gratitude for finding your strength so that I can be who I am today,

Your Older Self – Elena