This guide is full of great information on how you can take care of your breast tissue. You will learn more about thermography and how it can be used to evaluate your breast tissue as well as what foods are critical for breast health. Lifestyle can impact your breast density and breast cancer risk. Learn what you can do to stay healthy!

Elizabeth Boham, MD, MS, RD
Author of Breast Wellness; Tools to Prevent and Heal from Breast Cancer

Thermography and the Fibrocystic and Dense Breast is the most comprehensive book to date. It tells a story from the beginning of meeting a patient with a breast issue to the trial and tribulations a woman must endure. Current methods used to detect suspicious signs of breast cancer depend primarily on the combination of both physical examination and mammography. We have had thermography but never has it been so scientifically explained in a book. Ms. Bowden- Luccardi has been in the field for more than 20 years. Her experience with the science is fully explained in a plain and simple book. You learn the science, you learn the treatments, and you learn how to educate others from this book. This book’s author is beyond reproach.

Patrick Fratellone MD RH (AHG) FIM

Patricia’s book is packed with an updated evaluation and solution for today’s woman of any age to maintain and heal her breasts. She gives her many years of clinical research and experience to guide women to take noninvasive, health promoting action to understand the true maintenance of healthy breasts.

I found chapters 5 and 6 particularly intriguing as being a holistic physician and minister, I literally preach the importance of sound nutrition to grow, strengthen and heal women’s breasts. Patricia covered the nutritional components beautifully. Additionally, her discussions of lymphatic drainage in chapter 6 are mandatory reading for doctors to understand the need for thermography to literally see the drainage channels from failed root canals dumping toxic waste into the healthy breast tissue below. This book will be required reading for all my female patients. It is truly a gem for us all!

Healthfully, Reverend Dr. Thomas J. Ianniello

Having decades of experience in diagnosis and treatment of issues related to the head, face, and neck, I developed a profound respect of for the art and science of thermography as yet one more viable tool in the assessment equation. There is irrefutable evidence linking the lymphatic connection and drainage from the oral region to the breast and thoracic region. This book is a must read.

 Dr. Bill Akpinar, Board Certified Forensic Dentistry and Certified Medical Investigator

Patricia Luccardi’s book, “Thermography and the Fibrocystic and Dense Breast” is an excellent, easy-to-read and informative resource on all things fibrocystic and dense breast related. Patricia discusses breast health in general, and what supports breast health in particular, for dense and fibrocystic breasts including: proper nutrition, along with the importance of selenium, iodine, curcumin and vitamin D, among others.

I highly recommend this book for all women and, most especially, for those interested in a “radiation-free survival guide for happy healthy breasts.” Women of all ages need to be informed on the benefits of thermography as our best choice for preventative care for our breasts.

Lyn Hogrefe MS Ed
Founder & Exec Director Happy Hormone Cottage
Founder Women’s Health Initiatives Foundation
Owner IHC & Pharmacy

Replete with science-backed information, this book is written in an intimate, straightforward woman-to-woman, voice that speaks to our concerns for safety and effectiveness. In one slim, easy-to-read guide, this book is a virtual go-to source for all things radiation-free and life-affirming.

I thought I knew a lot about this area of women’s health, but I still picked up several valuable tips about what I can do to boost my immune profile. This book can be read in a couple sittings late at night in bed—as I did; It’s a page-turner! Can’t recommend this highly enough for a quick education to empower you to take charge of your health…right away!

Dierdre M.

I didn’t want to write a definitive guide on breast cancer. Dr. John Lee, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Breast Cancer-How Hormone Balance Can Help Save Your Life, Dr. Christine Horner, Waking the Warrior Goddess and Susan Weeds Breast Cancer? Breast Health, The Wise Woman’s Way are three of the best books on the market on breast cancer prevention, biological details, and options for treatment. I honor their work and highly suggest reading these books.

I am speaking to a population of women like yourself with dense and or fibrocystic breast and offering in this book, radiation-free approaches to breast health and breast screening. I understand your life is busy so I wrote a short survival guidebook, so you can learn about dense breast tissue and fibrocystic breast. It is important to understand the anatomy of your breast. No one cares about them more than you, so get to know them.

You will learn about the different screening methods, the risks of traditional insurance covered methods, and the advantages of thermography and advanced ultrasound technology.

I think you will be delighted to learn about the different essential oils and plants that benefit dense and fibrocystic breast, and the natural approaches through nutrients and lifestyle that will support your breast health.

As you will read further in this book, I will share the journey of a very special woman named Amanda, who came to me for thermography. I wrote this book in hopes that you might identify with Amanda and her issues and concerns might be similar to yours. I have shared with you the steps she took to take control of her breast health with positive results.

It is my hope for you, that you become empowered by what you learn in this survival guide to support you in having happy, healthy, breasts!

Writing a book is never an easy task, especially if you are like me and do not like to sit still for long periods of time. I believe many of us have a book waiting to be written. For me, this book has been pouring out of me for the better part of this decade. In my thermography practice, I speak to women daily and these conversations and moments of sharing, in some cases have been life-altering. I have a constant internal dialog about wanting to teach and share the contents of this book. In fact, I often wake up with the same dialog that stays with me throughout each day. Now it is time to put the pen to the paper and write.

I took the leap of faith to write this book at the encouragement of my daughters, friends, and colleagues who recognized and supported my life’s passion of coaching, nutrition, and sharing information and knowledge about health, especially breast health in particular.

I am extremely grateful to the cutting-edge doctors, scientists, researchers, and investigative reporters for their sparkling minds that inspire me every day in the turning tides of Natural Medicine, many being my personal friends and colleagues. I witness the success of their work in many areas of health. Through their expertise, I have seen women go into remission from breast cancer, while doing the least possible harm to their bodies. Nature provides elegant solutions to virtually any problem, be it in mind, in body, or in spirit.

I would like to honor all the wonderful women I have had the pleasure of sharing an hour with during their thermographic exams. It is precisely these out-of-the-box thinkers who chose thermography that inspire me to continue my work as a thermographer and a health educator.

It is these women who have shared their stories: some funny, some poignant, many fearful, and some heartbreaking that will stay in my memory for a long time. It is those stories that have become my biggest motivator in writing this book. I am honored to have spent our time together. Thank you.

My heartfelt gratitude also goes to Dr. Alexander Sepper, MD, PhD, the brilliant scientist who has spent his life researching breast cancer and thermography in over 38 researched studies.

It is impressive and exciting as we hope from the science and studies that thermography will become accepted once again as a conventional breast cancer screening.

I would not be the Thermographic Technician I am today, if it were not for the encouragement of Dr. Anthony Piana, founder of Breast Thermography International. He demands the highest standards from his technicians in the field of thermography, with his love of science and education. His untiring work in the national and international arenas of the science of thermography is setting an industry standard.

Lastly, I am grateful to my inner voice that guided me in this writing process through dreams, people coming into my life at the right place at the right time, and other synchronicities. I am blessed with a grateful heart.

Preface
Foreword
Introduction
Amanda’s Story
Dense Breast
What Are Fibrocystic Breasts?
Natural Treatment for  Fibrocystic Breasts
Anatomy vs Physiology
Nutrients
Oral Health and the Biological Dentist
Lymph,  The Forgotten Sewer System  of Your Body
Final Note
What’s Next?
About the Author

My interest in achieving and maintaining vitality and excellent health through diet, plants and medicinal herbs, essential vitamins and minerals, and lifestyle change started after reading Frances Moore Lappe’s 1971 classic Diet for Small Planet. Arguably, Lappe’s book initiated a revolution in our understanding of the relationship between how the foods we take for granted and consume daily have an adverse impact on the environment.

As a teenager, during the radical reevaluation of American society in the early 1970s, living a more natural lifestyle seemed to hold many promises for transforming our culture.

After reading hundreds of books on every imaginable aspect of natural medicine, attending health retreats and lectures, adopting various diets, supplemental regimens, detoxification, and intermittent fasting treatments, I have been fortunate to have sustained excellent health for the past 48 years. My kitchen continues to look like cluttered apothecary and an alchemist’s laboratory to those uninitiated into the secrets of natural health and healing. Yet, it is a small price to pay in return for sustaining a healthy body and mind.

During these many years, I have had an opportunity to practice a variety of alternative medical modalities as well as meet many of the pioneers in the integrative medical movement. The five years working as a Neuromuscular Therapist and Breath Educator at the Canyon Ranch Medical Spa exposed me directly to the work of Dr. Mark Hyman, one of the nation’s leading clinicians investigating the emerging paradigm of Functional Medicine. This complementary system, based upon scientifically valid holistic principles, recognizes the centrality of looking at the “whole person”— body, mind, emotions, and environment—for properly identifying the fundamental cause of disease.

Later, I partnered with Bruce Curtis, co-founder of the state-of-the-art functional nutrient company, Living Foods USA. A former editor of the peer-reviewed Journal for Complementary and Alternative Medicine, Bruce, explored deeply the biomolecular properties of living foods for promoting health. Working with Living Foods launched me into a different world of cutting-edge biological science and products to enhance healing, such as novel probiotic formulas, hydrogen-rich water from Japan, and a variety of high-potency vitamin functional foods. Selection of our products were based upon the evidence showing the highest amount of botanical life force they offered.

For those who have spent years in the world of complementary and integrative medicine, the dichotomies between natural health and conventional medical practice become obvious.

Over the years, I observed how allopathic medicine was failing to address women’s health needs, including reliable educational programs to promote breast health. Thermography captured my interest because of its environmental safety and ability to detect breast pathologies years before conventional screening. This permits women a window of time to make fundamental lifestyle changes before treatment is imminent. Subsequently, I became certified Whole Health Educator™ and a certified Thermography Technician with practices in New York City and Albany, NY. Over the years, I have imaged thousands of women who have shared their stories.

Curiously, although breast cancer will strike one in eight women during their lifetime, I have observed in my personal practice that the rate of women eventually being diagnosed with cancer who rely on thermography is noticeably smaller. Granted, most women I see have educated themselves about the importance of natural health care, diet, and exposure to toxic chemicals in their environment and household products. However, this only further reinforces the therapeutic benefits of making healthy lifestyle changes to ward away disease and illnesses.

What I do see consistently are women who present with similar patterns, or a variation of patterns of dense and/or fibrocystic breast. The majority of women know about the density of their breast and the uncertainty of exactly what that means to self-care for their breast. All women share the same concern about wanting to avoid radiation exposure and the most troubling aspect is how many women are put through biopsies that were found to be benign or called false positives. What I have seen over the years is an increase in fibrocystic breasts.

Many women can have fibrocystic breasts, which are estrogen dominant, yet not all will experience physical sensations in her breast such as swelling, tenderness, or lumps. Thermography can visually detect the estrogens on the receptors and on fatty tissue; as these appear classically like leopard spots or mottling, dark spots. I am seeing a noticeable increase in toxins on breast, filled with toxic estrogens, and many of these estrogens are environmentally present and are harmful to your body and hormonal system. These are silent toxins and their exposure is not limited to women but also men as they, too, are experiencing an increase in environmental estrogens. I was alarmed at the level of estrogenic toxins that were showing up in the thermographic imaging in all age groups.

If you have not done thermography yet and do not have a live time image of your breast to detect these estrogens, ask yourself, when are you ever not exposed to environmental estrogens through the air that you breathe, the water you drink, the food you eat, and household cleaning solvents and beauty care products you use? It is totally invasive in our environment.

Unfortunately, the healthiest habits and the most vital natural substances for sustaining our body’s vitality are largely marginalized in our society by modern medicine. In fact, many of the most valuable things that can be done to sustain one’s health are virtually unknown to the average person. This includes many essential phytonutrients found in certain foods and methods for rapidly detoxifying our body from environmental estrogens and toxic chemicals. Therefore, my focus has been to seek out the science to support the health benefits of superfoods that serve as the critical building blocks for maintaining healthy breasts.

As a thermography specialist, I have the advantage of observing positive visual changes in women’s breasts over the course of months and years. From this vantage point, I have determined the preventative value of specific lifestyle changes in diet, and supplementing our diets with vitamins, minerals, and medicinal herbs known to decrease breast density, balance hormonal metabolism, and remove environmental estrogens. As a result, I created a Comprehensive Breast Protection and Detoxification of Environmental Estrogens Protocol. The program requires a six-month commitment to thoroughly detoxify and nurture a woman’s breast and to have clean, healthy breasts.

Dr. Anthony Piana DC., President of Breast Thermography International says, “I have been working professionally with Patricia over the past eight years, as she has focused her expertise on natural breast health. I have been her overseeing Thermologist as she has imaged several thousand women. I have noticed many pre-and post-images that have significantly improved over months by her advice. I often look to her for advice for the benefit of my own patients.

Her natural protocols including diet, supplementation, and lifestyle changes have revealed extraordinary results on thermal imaging.”

I thank Dr. Piana for this acknowledgment. I would also like to acknowledge the innate wisdom of the life force within the compounds of these specific plants that nurture and protect our breast, particularly dense and fibrocystic breast.

Patricia Bowden-Luccardi, a sought out motivational speaker on Thermography, Environmental Estrogens and Breast Health.

Drawing on over 20 years’ experience in the Healing Arts, Patricia captivates audiences with her ability to explore difficult topics with immense honesty, warmth, and credibility. She has been a life-time student of integrative health and wellness, having studied and taught a variety of natural health modalities and therapies. For over 20 years she has been teaching and providing private consultation on health protocols customized to her clientele’s personal needs.

In her present incarnation, Patricia has focused her expertise on the natural prevention of breast cancer. She has screened thousands of women in thermography guiding them to good breast health. She is a professional advocate for the promotion of radiation-free thermography.

Her public seminars and lectures are designed to educate women about the serious health risks of environmental toxins and endocrinal disruptors. Her natural protocols, including diet, supplementation, and lifestyle changes, have revealed extraordinary results that have been later visibly confirmed by thermographic imaging.

Patricia holds licensed certifications in thermographic technology, Clinical Massage Therapy, Neuromuscular Therapy, Food as Medicine, Whole Health Education™ and lifestyle and wellness coaching. She is a professional member of Breast Thermography International and the Professional Academy of Clinical Thermology.

Earlier, she was a Neuromuscular Therapist and Breath Educator at Canyon Ranch Medical Spa in Lenox, MA. Patricia has lectured widely to professionals in the medical field and the public. Her private practice is in NYC and she resides in the charming village of Chatham in the Hudson Valley.

The National Fatherhood Initiative, Fatherhood.org/Father-Absence-Statistic, declared, “There is a father absence crisis in America. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 19.7 million children, more than one in four, live without a father in the home. Consequently, there is a father factor in nearly all social ills facing America today.” (2017, U.S. Census Bureau. Data represent children living without a biological, step, or adoptive father.) This article continues, “Research shows when a child is raised in a father-absent home, he or she is affected in the following ways:

• four times greater risk of poverty
• more likely to have behavioral problems
• two times greater risk of infant mortality
• more likely to go to prison
• more likely to commit crime
• seven times more likely to become pregnant as a teen
• more likely to face abuse and neglect
• more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol
• two times more likely to suffer obesity
• two times more likely to drop out of high school.”

These statistics are astounding as much as they are sad. Going forward, who can change the trajectory of our children? Who is to blame for the lack of fathers in the home? Who has the power, the compassion, the motivation, and patience to put their foot down and say, “Enough is enough?” The answer to these questions is…wait for it…Dad. Dads play an incredibly important role in the lives of their children, for better or worse. It’s time that we, as men and dads, take a stand to make it better. So, how do we do this?

Hopefully, this book will provide you with the answers by giving you some tools to be an agent of change for your family. I also hope you will gain insights into your character, behavior, and thought process, so you can identify the ways you contribute to, or subtract from, the honoring of your son(s).

To that end, let’s begin by asking a few questions. Do you hope your son will be able to avoid some of the mistakes you’ve made in your life? Do you ever imagine what it would be like to be the father of an incredible son? Would you like your son to pursue a career that brings him wealth or satisfaction, or both? Can you picture yourself as a grandfather to your son’s child?

As a married man at 21 years old (three weeks away from being 22), I was clueless. I was a lost ball. I had no idea how to be a man or a husband, much less a father. Looking back, I was a boy in a man’s body for far too many years. I had earned an Associate’s degree in Liberal Arts but didn’t have any direction career-wise. I thought I wanted to be an actor, but my mother told me, “Get a real education. Something you can fall back on if acting doesn’t pan out.” With that, I felt like the carpet had been pulled out from under my feet, leaving me lost on what to do next.

Over the next eight years, I stumbled through at least six jobs (and maybe more) before landing a job in banking, which turned into a seventeen-year career. Three years into banking, in 1983, my three sons were born. Yes, all three of them…at the same time. Triplets. To make ends meet, I worked full time at the bank, part time at a local department store, and attended evening classes in business at Arizona State University. However, when it came to my sons, I had no idea how to raise them. Yes, the first year seemed like nothing but maintenance. Eat. Sleep. Poop. Rinse. Repeat. It was a schedule that didn’t require a lot of deep thought around what the future held for these three, very cute babies.

I quickly learned that babies grow, and in no time at all, my sons were “real people” with their own wants and needs. I heard a saying by author, blogger, and speaker, Gretchen Rubin, regarding raising children, “The days are long, but the years are short.” For the first 12 ½ years of my sons’ lives, I’m sure I taught them some lessons here and there. However, these lessons weren’t taught with intention. There wasn’t a goal in mind as to how these lessons might help build a solid foundation for my sons’ lives. Overall, I only did what I needed to do to make it to the next day; for example, helping them with their homework. I never had a long-term perspective on my sons’ lives until I changed.

If you’re experiencing some of these same things in your life or if you can relate to anything I’ve experienced in my life, there is hope. Walking a difficult path with someone who has previously been down the same path you’re on is better than walking it alone.

By engaging with this book, you will learn my three secrets to helping your son step into manhood. This will be a journey that involves self-awareness, humility, transparency, and fear. In the end, you have the potential of being more self-confident, authentic, and intentional. All of this can become yours as you learn the how and why of creating, planning, and executing your son’s very own initiation and blessing ceremony.

Now, you might ask, “Why, Henry, are you the one to teach this to me? What credentials have you earned that might convince me to listen to what you have to share?” Those are great questions. I am the first to admit that I don’t have a Ph.D. after my name and I’m not a counselor. However, I do have D.A.D. after my name, which stands for Dedicated Active Dad.

Please understand, I feel fear when I think about putting my ideas and experiences into the public realm through this book. However, I know I can’t sit idly by and not invest, encourage, and challenge other dads to be their very best. Many men have impacted me in positive ways, built into me, and helped me. Therefore, I want to do the same for you. While I do make references in the book to various passages in the Bible, it’s because I decided years ago to follow Jesus Christ. However, don’t let my faith get in your way. Don’t let my faith be a stumbling block for you. Use what you want and leave behind what you see fit.

I have spent decades working on personal growth. Years ago, I attended a men’s training weekend during which I was initiated into manhood. This weekend was followed by 2 ½ years of weekly meetings with other initiated men. I attribute this training weekend and subsequent meetings with kick-starting my maturing process. This is when, for the first time, I felt like I was age appropriate. In other words, my internal age matched my chronological age. Additionally, I’ve been in counseling, worked hard to change for the better, and continue to practice what I preach daily.

I’ve participated in and facilitated several men’s groups that focused on resolving unhealthy behaviors by examining their origin. I have over 36 years of experience as a father. In my humble opinion, I’ve successfully raised my sons from boyhood to manhood. I’ve been their dad, their coach, their mentor, their cheerleader, their critic, and their friend. Lastly, I’ve intentionally taken the time to celebrate with each one of my sons individually, the events of their lives that are, essentially, mini rites of passage into manhood.

So now that I have answered some of your possible questions, I have a few for you to answer. Are you ready? Are you ready to be the father you truly desire to be, and know you can become? Are you ready to be the husband you were created to be? Are you ready to be the man who God designed you to be? Are you ready to learn, then teach all your newly found wisdom to your son(s)? Are you ready to honor your son(s) into manhood? If so, it is now time to sit back and relax, grab a cup-of-joe, lick your finger, and turn the page.

Thank you for taking the time to read Honor Our Sons. This is a book about helping and honoring boys as they transition from adolescence to manhood through an initiation and blessing ceremony. My motivation for writing this book is twofold. First, I selfishly want to preserve the events herein for my children and grandchildren. Second, I am hopeful you will read this and be inspired to intentionally honor the growth of your boy(s) into manhood.

Keep in mind as you read this story, my definition of manhood may not be your definition and that’s okay. There is plenty of room for a variety of manhood definitions. Above all, understand this is the rite of passage I chose for my sons, and do not expect you to copy it verbatim. You must explore what works best for you and your family. What will be meaningful to your son(s)? What resources do you need? What resources are easily available? 

Finally, I have included supporting documentation at the end of this book. Hopefully, these documents will greatly assist you when it comes time for you to initiate and bless your boys. These are forms I used: a letter I wrote, checklists, surveys, etc. I encourage you not to get too bogged down in the details. Some are simply for historic preservation, while others may serve as catalysts for generating ideas on how to accomplish this without reinventing the wheel.

When I reflect on my childhood, I cannot remember a distinct moment when my dad took me aside and discussed what it means to be a man. Like many men I’ve encountered, who don’t recall having such a discussion with their fathers, their behaviors mirror those of their father, with little to no thought of doing things differently for their sons. So, it’s my ultimate hope that my story is an inspiration that will motivate you to create a new tradition, one of honoring your boy(s) into manhood.

Preface
Foreword
Introduction
Journeying with Henry
Men’s Weekend
The Difference
Generational Chains
Boys to Men in Today’s Society
Learning to Be A Man
Ingredients to Being a Good Man
What Makes a Man?
How Do Women Want To Be Treated?
Ingredients to Being a Good Husband
Ingredients to Being a Good Father
Launching to Initiate & Bless
Rite of Passage
Inspiration from Like-Minded Men
One-on-One Time
The Mark of Manhood
How I Began
Preparation Week #1
The Weekend with My Sons
Tyler’s Initiation & Blessings
Henry’s Journal About  Tyler’s Ceremonial Weekend
About Tyler
Jon’s Initiation & Blessings
Henry’s Journal About  Jon’s Ceremonial Weekend
About Jon
Jordan’s Initiation & Blessings
Henry’s Journal About  Jordan’s Ceremonial Weekend
About Jordan
Appendix A: Men’s Breakfast Checklist
Appendix B:  Letter to The Volunteers
Appendix C: Agenda for Meeting with  Potential Volunteers
Appendix D: Information Sheet
Appendix E:  Needs Sheet
Appendix F: Intimacy Needs Sheet
Appendix G: Roles Explained
Appendix H: Confidentiality Sheet
Appendix I: What to Bring
Appendix J: Scheduler
Appendix K:  Packing List
Appendix L:  Goals To Implement
Final Thoughts
What’s Next?
Contribution To My Father
Contribution To My Mother
Epilogue
About The Author

Boys to Men in Today’s Society

“If you want to change the world,
go home and love your family.”
~ Mother Teresa

Dr. Michael Obsatz, in his 2003 article titled “From Shame-Based Masculinity to Holistic Manhood” states “Millions of boys are shamed into fitting into a model of masculinity.” Unfortunately, this happens every day. Boys are teased, humiliated, bullied, and shamed until they learn to modify their behavior to fit in so the hazing will stop. The sad part about this is, not every boy wants to fit into society’s model of masculinity. Yes, there are schools throughout the country that are making inroads to curb bullying in their respective schools. The even sadder part, though, is the shaming can continue when boys get home from school.

In attempt to build a man out of a boy, some dads, moms, and stepparents, knowingly or unknowingly, belittle their son(s). Dads, in particular, can inflict deep emotional and long-lasting harm on their sons. Dads who physically push their sons around and tell them to “Toughen up,” or scold their sons for crying with words like, “Suck it up,” “Men don’t cry,” or “Be a man,” are just some of the messages boys are given. Therefore, they learn to fit into society’s mold of masculinity, or they don’t. Some other one-liners boys may hear are:

• You’re not a man unless you can hold your liquor.
• You’re not a man until you get laid.
• The more girls you conquer, the more of a man you’ll be.
• Real men don’t do laundry, dishes, or cooking.
• Real men drink beer, watch sports, and play video games.

Telling your son(s) these one-liners certainly develops his character, but not in a way he can be proud of. It’s not positive, uplifting, supportive, nor healthy for him—short-term and long-term. Yes, he will physically grow up, but he will remain a boy on the inside.

Similar to objectifying women through pornography, these one-liners, diminish self-esteem. Allowing your son(s) to view porn with or without his peers, is certainly a measure of a man, right?  I think not. Do you feel more like a man when you view porn? I hope you don’t. If you’re addicted to porn, what do you think the chances are your son(s) will be, too? Overall, I certainly hope you don’t see porn as a viable rite of passage into manhood.

If it’s not porn you are addicted to, what is your addiction? Do you spend hours playing video games? Do you drink too much alcohol or do recreational drugs? Do you spend too many hours at work or do work that’s associated with your employment when you’re at home? Do you participate in other activities which isolate you and make you feel so good you’re numb to what’s going on around you?

Does any of that sound familiar? Were there a certain set of messages given to you growing up? Are there messages you’ve been giving to your son(s) that you now realize may not be the best strategy in raising him into a man? If you’re not sure, check with your partner. Wives can typically see what we can’t—wives know. The good news is, it’s never too late to change your message.

So how do you, as a father, fix the complex issues facing your son(s)? How do you grow your boy into a man? First, it’s about how you interact with your son(s) on a daily basis. If you truly desire to raise your son(s) into a decent, self-confident man, then you must engage with him.

In order to maximize the effectiveness of the engagement or communication you’ll have with your son(s), there are seven attributes (or learned skills) that need to be part of your character and skillset. Before I give them to you, remember your behaviors speak louder than your words. Unless I have a solid history with a man built on trust, I rarely take a man at his word; instead, I take a man at his behaviors. Sons will do the same. When your words match your behaviors, you are hitting the bullseye.

If, after reading the seven attributes and skills that you need and you sit back and say, “That’s me!” it’s best if you consult your wife, partner, or close friend, or even more importantly, ask your son(s) to get an objective second or third opinion. Similar to what I said earlier, wives, partners, friends, and children know. You just don’t want to end up fooling yourself. However, if it turns out that you’re already communicating in all the proper ways, well done!

Attribute #1: Be Humble

Some Dads believe they must always be “over” their son(s), much like a boss over an employee. Ultimately, this shows a lack of humility. You’ll be surprised how close you and your son(s) will become when you change the humility dynamic. I’m not saying to be his bud. (Although, there may come a time for that when he’s a grown man.) I’m suggesting you show your son(s) respect by displaying humility. You can begin by committing to not talking down to him. Give him your time and patience, accompanied with good eye contact and encouraging words. Most of all, be an outstanding listener.

When you listen effectively to your son(s), or any of your children and your spouse, for that matter, you can learn so much about who they are and their current challenges. It can be helpful if you put yourself in your son’s shoes and try to recall how your dad interacted with you. Hopefully, from your memories, you’ll know how to be and how not to be—what felt good to you and what didn’t.

If you aren’t sure how to be humble, or if you need to run a test to see if you are, try this. Find a private place where you can be alone for fifteen minutes. Then get down on your knees and pray—pray for humility. The physical act of getting down on your knees to pray is a great first step. If you can’t do this, spend time reflecting on the question of whether you’re a humble man and what’s getting in the way of you performing this act of humility. What’s at risk if you do get down on your knees to pray? What’s at risk if you don’t? Don’t let your ego or feelings of embarrassment get in your way.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand,
that he may lift you up in due time.”
1 Peter 5:6 (NIV)

“…if my people…will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)

If you decide to commit to praying on your knees as an act of humility, be sure your heart goes with you. Yes, I know that where you go, so goes your heart; but if you kneel to pray and your heart’s not into this, then pray that your heart would join you at a future prayerful kneeling session. Your prayer can be even more powerful if you invite your spouse to pray with you. At some point, think about praying with your son(s). It’s Humbling, Intimate, and Powerful. It’s HIP.

Attribute #2: Be Transparent

Sharing your life with your son(s), while keeping it age appropriate, will fill your son(s) with confidence and he’ll see you as the flawed human being you are… as we all are. Sharing your life is not always about “Today I went to work, went out to lunch, had two meetings in the afternoon, and then came home.” It’s sharing your heart with him. “I felt scared going into a meeting today.” “I felt loved by your mom when she called me at the office today just to say hi.”

I know, society says, real men don’t share their heart with anyone because they don’t have one. But I know something about men, all men, that you may not know. Every…man…has…feelings. Shocking, I know. So much of life and intimacy is squandered when men hide, repress, and deny their feelings.

At some point in life, every man, whether they show it or not, has felt some or all of what I have felt. Mad. Sad. Fear. Shame. Guilt. Pride. Lonely. Peace. Love. Joy. Satisfaction. Ironically though, anger is most often the only emotion which seems acceptable to show, while keeping the other emotions hidden. Society may lead you to believe that if you were to share your heart—your feelings—with another man, he would think you’re weak or gay. The truth is, being able to share your heart with another man is a sign of strength. Ask your wife, partner, or religious leader. They know.

To apply this to the relationship you have with your son(s), you won’t believe the outcome. In my experience, sharing my heart with my sons didn’t cause them to run away from me, it did the opposite—my sons drew closer to me.

Attribute #3: Be Honest

This doesn’t take a whole lot of explanation. Simply put, never lie to your son(s). If you can’t tell him the truth about something, don’t make something up. Tell him, “I can’t tell you right now.” Honesty is the best policy.

“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”
Proverbs 24:26 (NIV)

Attribute #4: Be a Man of Integrity

Merriam-Webster defines integrity as “a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.” You may have a slightly different definition. My definition of integrity is, “a crystal-clear awareness to make sure my words match my behaviors, and my behaviors match my words.” This definition demands that I be a good listener to what I say so there is no difference between what I say and do.

Let me give you an example. If I tell my son I’ll pick him up to take him to soccer practice at six o’clock, I need to be there at six o’clock. This means I must work backwards from the time of my commitment. If it typically takes me 45 minutes to drive home from work, then I need to leave work at 5:15. However, I must consider all things that may cause me to be late—unusual traffic or weather. Knowing there might be a fifteen-minute delay, I must then leave at five o’clock instead. This also means I want to make sure all my work is completed and shut down by 4:45, knowing it takes five minutes to get out to my car and someone may stop to chat on my way out of the office.

The process of working backwards from your commitment time is what I call, Big Bang Thinking (BBT). I’m sure you’ve heard about getting the biggest bang for your buck. Well, BBT is being able to calculate your odds of success with intentional thinking, while understanding what’s at stake. BBT can get you, and others, the biggest bang in life.

Big Bang Thinking allows for the following to be created. First, it creates a man of high integrity. You were able to live up to the commitment you made to your son(s). You allowed your son(s) to see the depth of your character and witness your words matching your behaviors. Second, it creates a more patient driver. You won’t drive like a maniac because you left on time, according to your plan, and with a little extra time built into the process. You won’t feel frustrated or angry at other drivers, you won’t yell at the car in front of you, and you’ll truly be happy and in a great mood when you pull into the driveway, on time, greeting your son(s) with a hug and the affirmation, “It’s great to see you. I couldn’t wait to be with you. Let’s go to soccer.” Third, and this is the big, big, bonus that can’t be over emphasized…it creates self-importance in your son(s). He will know that he matters to his dad; and that helps him stay out of counseling when he’s in his 30’s or 40’s. I know I don’t want to be the topic of discussion between my son and his therapist. I hope you want the same thing for your son.

Now, you might find my perspective on integrity a bit over-the-top and too much of an effort; I can’t fault you for that line of thinking. However, the main point for you, as a man, is to have high integrity. Yes, you will find things happen that can get in the way of you keeping your word. When it happens, make the phone call. Call whomever you need to and do it as early as possible so they can adjust accordingly. A phone call goes a long way in helping others manage their expectations and keep them from guessing what happened to you, while helping you remain a man of integrity. I encourage you to begin seeing your words and your behaviors as a reflection of your character.

Here’s a more humorous, exaggerated perspective for you, to show you being a man of integrity can be displayed in all realms. If I tell you I’m a thief and then steal your wallet, I am still a man of integrity. If I tell you I’m not a thief and I don’t take your wallet, I am still a man of integrity. But…if I tell you I’m not a thief and then take your wallet, I’m out of integrity.

Perhaps this story will hit close to home for you. Unfortunately, there was a time when integrity wasn’t even in my vocabulary. I never thought about it, nor reflected on what it meant. One recurring example was that dreaded call from my wife just a little after 5:00 P.M. each workday. “Honey, what time will you be home for dinner?” or, “Honey, can you be home for dinner at six o’clock?” There I was, at work, dealing with a customer who walked in right before we closed; or I had an employee who needed to discuss an issue with me that couldn’t wait until tomorrow; or I justified being late because I wanted to avoid my wife since we hadn’t been getting along; or, or, or…you get the point. To appease my wife, I would tell her I’d be home at whatever time she expected that day.

Did I typically get home by the time I agreed to be home? Nope. What message was I sending my wife and sons? What did my behavior say about me—my character? Would my wife and sons think of me as a man of integrity, as a man of my word? Could they count on me? Did I just silently give my sons permission to act the same way I had acted towards them? To my wife and sons, I was saying “You’re not as important to me as my work. You can’t trust me at my word.” By the time I would arrive home, my wife and sons had usually already eaten. They grew tired of waiting for me; my wife was angry and my sons were disappointed and disinterested.

What will the consequences be if you don’t show up on time? I want the best for you, your son(s), your partner, and your family. I want my wife, my sons, their wives, my grandchildren, my co-workers, my friends, my neighbors, my community, my country, and the rest of the world to know they can count on me doing what I say I’m going to do. Do you?

Attribute #5: Be Consistent

My sons, and probably your son(s), do best in life when there is structure and consistency. How I wish I could have been consistent with my behaviors. I’ve had way too many missed opportunities. If your son’s messy bedroom makes you angry, don’t allow the messy bedroom to fester for a month until you hit your breaking point. If you expect chores to be done before you get home from work, make it known to your son—hold him accountable daily, instead of reaching a place of enough is enough—your boiling-over point. Remember, your family counts on you to lead… leaders are consistent.

Attribute #6: Be a Positive Role Model

Take a minute to think of someone in your life, past or present, for whom you have a lot of respect. This could be a teacher, coach, sibling, parent, friend’s parent, religious leader, spouse, etc. This person likely taught you, formally or informally, at least one important aspect of life you didn’t already know. Or maybe they came along side of you to offer their support during a difficult time. Whatever the case may be, these are the types of folks you will want to closely watch and study. I strongly encourage you to take as much as you can of their good traits and wisdom, and apply them to your life.

Stephen R. Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, puts forward Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind. In his explanation of this habit, he states in part, “Habit 2 is based on imagination—the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint.”

Keeping that principle of visualization in mind, I took it upon myself, when I read Covey’s book, to slightly modify the meaning of “begin with the end in mind.” To me, this meant that one day I’m going to die. I kept and still keep that reality in the forefront of my mind so I can use it to motivate myself to be a noble, outstanding role model—the type of person my sons would want to emulate. This way, at the end of my journey—at my funeral—hopefully, my sons would be honored to say a few words about their dad. These wouldn’t be obligatory words of sympathy, rather authentic words describing the depth of my character and the positive impact I had on who they are today.

How cool would it be to have your son(s) stand up at your funeral service and, through tears of sadness, proudly tell those gathered that you were their dad, friend, and role model? Can you picture it? Your son(s), at your funeral, modeling the best of who you were because you thought it important enough to become a role model for your son, family, and community. That’s powerful!

If you can’t visualize this, it might be time for you to take a hard look at where you’re going in life, how it’s going to end, and who’s going to care. Truly, it depends on you, your character, your decisions, your integrity, your behaviors, and more. Beginning with the end in mind was and still is a big motivator for me to treat my sons with respect, to pour into them, encourage them, challenge them, help them be successful, love them, and lead them into manhood.

Attribute #7: Be Intentional

If the long-term goal is to successfully transition your son(s) from a boy to a man, then you must be intentional. This means you must be awake. Your eyes must be open. You must be present and engaged. You must be one step ahead of your son(s). Understand, you have the experience that he doesn’t have.

Look for opportunities to honor and bless your son(s) with a mini rite of passage. For example, if he’s going out on a date (with his first date being of the utmost importance), be sure to schedule time with him a day or two in advance for the two of you to talk. This will be the perfect time for you to express your love for him; tell him how proud you are of him; remind him that you’re there to encourage him; answer his questions. It’s also a good time to teach him that growing into a man involves taking on more responsibility; and taking someone out on a date and treating them with respect is just that, more responsibility.

Your son(s) may feel embarrassed by this conversation, but I encourage you to push through and, if you want to, acknowledge any embarrassment. If you have a story in your own life where you felt embarrassed due to the subject matter, this would be a great time to share it with your son(s).

Discuss what he might expect, how the date might go, what challenges he might face, how to treat his date, and what to do if he needs support during the date. If you let your son go blindly into this date, he will surely flounder. He’ll find friends to model himself after or he’ll simply guess when it comes to knowing what to do, or not do. This is the beauty of being a transparent man. Too often our sons see us as perfect. Sometimes we, as dads, put ourselves on a pedestal making it below us to have these types of talks with our sons. Your job as a dad is to outfit your son(s) with the wisdom and tools he needs to successfully complete a date.

The goal is to build into your son(s) by honoring, respecting, and teaching him. The template I described above for a date can be used for every mini rite of passage with a few modifications specific to each event. Other mini rites of passage can include his transition into high school, the earning of his temporary driver’s license, his first time shaving, his first dance, first kiss, going off to college, going to his first full-time job, and more. Be ahead of the game. Anticipate what’s coming his way.

Celebrating mini rites of passage doesn’t have to be a big ordeal. It could be a fifteen-minute, or less, conversation just between the two of you. Maybe you will want to include his mother. It will be important to prep his mom before the conversation takes place. Some moms still want to “mother” their son during his mid to older teenage years; but doing so can hamper his growth into manhood.

It’s critical for you, as a father, to get engaged and start behaving as if it matters, because it does! Did it matter how your dad engaged with you? Did he engage? Did he pour the best of himself into you? Did he teach you about life, or did you have to guess at it? Did he respect you along the way? How did you learn to be a man? Did you learn to be a man from your friends? Please, please, please, for all our sakes, don’t shame your sons into manhood. Stop working too many hours. Put down your phone. Get off the computer. Quit drinking so much. Stop raging at your family. Stop isolating. Stop avoiding. Stop whatever you’re doing that isn’t productive, and isn’t geared toward building a strong foundation for your family. It’s time for a change.

You can attempt to justify doing nothing by telling me that you don’t know how, or you don’t know where to start. But as Wayne Gretzky said, “You’ll miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Honor your son(s), support him, encourage him, believe in him, and most importantly, let him see and experience a dad who is the best kind of man he can be. Your son’s success as a healthy adult male depends on it—depends on you.

Think of the trickle-down effect from generation to generation. If you’re a great dad, then your son(s) is more likely to be a great dad. In short, generations can be impacted in a positive way if you start now. Don’t wait. Time is short. If you didn’t have a great upbringing, if your dad wasn’t fully present, or if he didn’t teach you about life, how did that work out for you? Isn’t it time for you to break the historically accepted chain of behaviors which have been in your family for generations? What’s at risk if you step up? What’s at risk if you don’t step up?

Do something totally different. Invest in yourself, even if that means spending time with a trained therapist, so you, in turn, can invest in your family. You can do this! Even though we don’t know one another, I believe in you because I learned to believe in myself. If I can do it, there is no doubt in my mind you can, too.

After high school, Tyler attended the Culinary Institute of America in New York, where he earned an Associate’s Degree in Occupational Studies with a concentration in Culinary Arts. As a trained chef, he decided to complete his Bachelor’s Degree at Pennsylvania State University in Hotel, Restaurant, and Institutional Management. After receiving his Bachelor’s Degree, he immediately enrolled in the Fisher College of Business at The Ohio State University where, after two years, he earned his MBA. He spent several years working for J.P. Morgan Chase & Co. in Columbus, OH and New York City before he joined Deloitte & Touche in NYC as an Advisory Senior Consultant. Over a five-year period, Tyler self-studied and earned the CPA (Certified Public Accountant), CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst), and CTP (Certified Treasury Professional) designations. Tyler left Deloitte & Touche where he had been promoted to Manager to work at Columbia University in its Treasury Department. After just under three years at Columbia, Tyler joined Deloitte Consulting in its Higher Education Strategy and Operations Practice. He spent almost five years there supporting finance, strategy, technology, and robotics/automation projects before landing his current role as Associate Vice President for Budget, Financial Planning, and Analytics at Clemson University. He was a triathlete and used to compete in Ironman competitions. Tyler married Darbi Roberts on December 14, 2013. Darbi, in addition to being an Ironman competitor, graduated from Columbia University with her Doctorate in Education (Ed.D) in May, 2016 and currently works at Southern New Hampshire University. They live in Manchester, NH.

Jon went on to attend the University of North Carolina (UNC) in Chapel Hill, NC. He graduated with Honors and with a double major in Psychology and Philosophy. As a freshman at UNC, he entered their ROTC program and has been in the Air Force since graduating with his Bachelor’s Degree. He earned a Master Degree in Strategic Intelligence. He now holds the rank of Lt. Colonel. Among other tours of duty, Jon has completed two tours in Iraq, one in Afghanistan, and spent one year in Korea. He spent three years in Washington, DC, then went to Maxwell Air Force Base in Montgomery, AL where he earned a second graduate degree. This time it was a Master of Philosophy in Military Strategy from the School of Advanced Air and Space Studies (SAASS). He is currently serving in San Antonio, Texas.

Jordan attended Eastern Kentucky University (EKU) and graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree double majoring in Emergency Medical Care and Fire, Safety, and Administration. After a few years away from academia, he re-enrolled at EKU and graduated with a Master Degree in Safety, Security, and Emergency Management in May, 2014. He is a Battalion Chief with the City of Lexington, Kentucky Fire Department where he’s trained as a Paramedic/Firefighter and is Director of their Community Service Department. He also serves as the Department’s Public Information Officer. He married Alissa Chase on October 1, 2016. She is a Nurse Administrator. Jordan and Alissa had their first child, and my first grandchild, Hannah, on April 5, 2018.

As we know, the word love is a universal term that is used throughout the world to convey different forms of affection.  This one word holds several meanings and can be expressed for many different situations and reasons. It is intriguing to find that the Ancient Greeks expressed love with several different words that had their own meanings. Whenever I talk about the meanings of my poems, I always say they are all about love.  So, I find it fitting that these charming Greek words of love can be used to signify the chapters for the book.

In From an Open Heart, five of these Ancient Greek words of love have been used: Éros, Philía, Agápe, Storgē, and Philautia.

Éros expresses the passionate aspect of love.

Philía signifies the friendship or brotherly love meaning of love.

Agápe can be understood as unconditional love, which may be considered the highest form of love.

Storgē is considered a familial type of love.

Philautia is an expression of self love.

As a single mother, busy with two ambitious teens and performing in a Broadway show eight times a week, the thought of love takes a backseat. Now, naturally, I love my children and my career, but sometimes I don’t notice if my heart is truly open or not. That is why I am grateful to have a dear sista friend like Shaunda Hale Opalacz in my life. We talk about love and life with such vigor that sometimes conversations on the phone last 3 hours or more. Our friendship is a deeply rooted bond that encores honesty and support, so when she told me she was writing this book, I was elated to say the least.

Shaunda has opened her heart with prose that invites you to explore your heart’s center. This book of expressed feelings is a straightforward and warm balladry, lovely in its design and structure. Its transparency depicts a garden of thoughts that inspires one to find the key to their heart. Like many of us, Shaunda is no stranger to challenges in her life, and I have been blessed to witness her rise above adversities grounded in peace that only an open heart lends.

My heart has expanded while inviting you to explore this collection of lyricism, much like the many encouraging conversations I’ve had with Shaunda. I am excited for you, to embark on a journey to listen to your heart while Shaunda shares hers. So, like the beginning of her poem “Sparkle of Life” lends, “Into this world a beautiful sparkle of life set forth on a journey towards the unlimited, bearing only gifts of joy.” Enjoy the ride From An Open Heart.

Maia Nkenge Wilson

Can I say I am in love with love?  All my life has been a journey about love.  I have always carried this fascination about different aspects of love, especially self-love.  At times, I have been called selfish because I chose myself over another and/or did things that benefited my growth. I did this with no ill intentions. The real lesson in this lifetime is that I had to discover the love within myself, first, then allow it to heal my wounded parts.  This also led to me allowing myself to be loved, something that is much harder than I realized.

My belief is that all experiences lead back to one thing…love.  Even with those experiences that have not been the best, and the encounters with people who have not had the best intentions, they all brought me to a higher awareness of love.  Along my journey, I had to find forgiveness for those things and people to move forward.  Forgiveness is for real warriors of life, for it is the battle that most of us struggle with and sometimes never conquer. The major lesson in this for me, forgiveness=love. Let me be clear, forgiving…yes, forgetting…no.  With that said, I am grateful…thank you God.

I am thankful for the strength and security of the terrific man in my life, my husband Doug, who has shown me the type of support and love that I always dreamt about.  Honey, thank you for allowing me to be me. I do stand in the awareness, I am a lot to handle…at times.  I am grateful to my brother and my sister, Terrelle and Tamego, for our experiences and memories that have filled our home with so much laugher and love. To Patricia Monts, for being a woman of substantial character who has shared with me invaluable wisdom and love.

To Jessica Dickens, Margo Griffin, and Katrina Johnson, my distinct fantabulous sister-friends, I sincerely thank you guys for being my sounding boards and allowing me to experience your different definitions and expressions of love and life.  Maia Wilson, my gifted spiritual sister-friend, you are one of a kind.  For the time you have shared so freely, I am forever indebted. To all my other amazing friends, and awesome people who have supported me throughout my journey, you guys are invaluable, thank you.

Lastly, a special thank you to my editor, Vjange Hazle, for using your expertise to help me bring my vision of this book into fruition; this was most certainly Divine timing.

Shaunda Hale Opalacz is a retiree of the Department of Correction for the State of Connecticut.  At this juncture of her life, she is dedicated to spreading love throughout the world with her creative gifts.  She lives in Connecticut with her husband, Doug, and spoiled fur-baby, Chai.

A Mental Moment

This beauty is much softer

Whispers of pleasantries

Tranquil like waterfalls

Penetrating from undertones

Of heartbroken past loves.

Capsulated by memories

Stepping from rocky terrain

To smooth majestic riverbanks

Where understanding took place.

A category five storm raged

Within this sacred temple

Before it began to release me.

Words danced across naked

Pages until their exhaustion

Put my weary mind to sleep.

Nearly every breath used to

Recited passionate dogmas

About faiths simplicity.

This emotional state

Took residence leaving

Unpaid tabs with no need to explain .

Walking through scenic gardens

Listening for answers

Making their way to me

Eyes released tears

So a distraught soul can see clarity.

Life’s ambiguity is welcomed

No one can travel

This journey for me.

Knowing Love

In midday, I daydream about love,
where multiple shades
lead to one love.
Butterflies in the center
describe this love.
The glimmer in her eyes
know his love.
Last night, in arms
that shield with love.
Powerless to say no
when you know love.
In the middle of nowhere,
he feels her love.
A sweet, faint scent,
leads to memories of love.
In a crowded room,
you can find your love.
On a lonely day,
many wishes to have that love.
An innocent crush
becomes true love.
From strangers to friends,
then, to rise into love.
That stolen moment
between two, declares love.
Love Jones played it forward
with this kind of love.
Self-love a genuine path
to have love.

I have been practicing the Lifestyle of Ayurveda for well over a decade now. My initial introduction was on my first trip to India in 2007 and our Hatha Yoga Training. We were instructed by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar to have a Prakruti Assessment and accordingly take the prescribed Medications. We also did some cleansing practices—Shanka Prakshalana, followed by a diet of Kitchari and plenty of Ghee. On my return, I had brought back three months’ supply of Herbals and continued to eat, practice, and teach under the guidance of a qualified Art of Living Teacher in South Africa. During the six months before our final Yoga Training, my body had changed entirely. I was at a weight less than when I matriculated, and the dis-ease that plagued me was gone. I would say I had returned to my “true nature.”

Being extremely impressed by this outcome, and since I was already a Qualified Beautician, Reflexologist and Aromatherapist (ITEC Dip 1999), I decided to go to Germany (instead of India) to learn Ayurveda—the “knowledge of life or daily living.” There I learned the “prevention” side of Ayurveda. I traveled for the remainder of the year teaching Yoga and performing treatments prescribed by the Ayurvedic Doctors visiting our location. The Doctors, however, were prescribing treatments and Herbals that I had not yet learned about, and hence my decision to study further at the Gujarat Ayurveda University in 2009.

On my arrival in Gujarat, a friend (through the Art of Living) picked me up and assisted me in getting settled into our International Student Residence. Including ensuring I was placed alongside another South African, Roshni Morar. We were neighbours—so to speak. Our days at the Faculty were long, and we had to attend early morning Yoga Classes, but I still pushed on later into the evening, transcribing my written notes into my Netbook. The Canteen food was too spicy, and the same friend organised a Tiffin (midday luncheon), after which we would do some Pranayama (Breathing Practices) and take rest in our respective quarters. Roshni and I cooked dinners together, and on our Dinacharya (gentle evening walks—a daily practice prescribed by Ayurveda), the idea of presenting cooking courses on our return home was born. Living at the University and subsequently the Art of Living Ashram in Bangalore, where I did my Seva or “selfless service,” was very conducive to living the lifestyle of Ayurveda.

My challenge was to bring these practices back home and live them to the best of my ability. My circumstances were changing as I became pregnant soon after my return in 2010, and I was an evolving Yoga Teacher. This was quite easy for me. I believe that I have lived this lifestyle before as an Indian Practitioner referring diligently to the Vedas or Ancient Texts of Charaka Samhita and Susruta Samhita. Later Vagbhata was a review of the earlier work done by both.

Over the years, the mild Spina Bifida, with which I was born, had evolved into Spondylosis. I believe that this dis-ease is what keeps me searching and remaining faithful to my chosen path of Yoga. I have experienced some secondary dis-ease like learning and concentration difficulties, IBS, and impaired bladder control. Yet each time, I have been empowered through “knowledge of self” to take the necessary Sattvic (pure, natural, and conscious steps) towards my self-healing. Please note that I use the word “dis-ease,” because, for me, this is really caused by a “lack of ease” in the body trying desperately to communicate. I am a living example that you can change your destiny with knowledge and determination. Food is fundamental in the “prevention” practices Ayurveda has to offer, as this we have some control over. This is Living Ayurveda: The “Science of Life.”

Having attended a few of Claire’s Ayurvedic cooking courses, I can vouch for every recipe in this cookbook. Claire comes with a wealth of knowledge around the Ayurvedic lifestyle and what works for each Doshas to heal oneself. I really appreciate Claire’s approach with her respect for each ingredient and lovingly combining herbs and spices for a delicious meal.

Caroline Rampton (Participant)

I heartily endorse the recipes of the Ayurvedic Cookery courses given by Claire Stephenson. It is a pleasure to prepare delicious, spicy dishes that are not too hot. The spices used certainly promote flavour and assist digestion. Also, the recipes do not use ingredients that are generally disadvantageous, like members of the onion family, Masala, and chilies. (Gluten and dairy products can be used with discretion.) Claire’s recipes require a certain amount of care with preparation and cooking, making them interesting, pleasantly challenging, and significant. They also help promote mindfulness during the cooking process.

Normand Jacklin (Participant)

This is a highly recommended course that Claire has put together with much love. Claire has an abundance of knowledge with Ayurvedic cooking. She shares her recipes with lightness of being, making a seemingly complicated subject simple to understand. Even more, her course is fun, and the recipes are delicious and healthy. Claire shines with good health and is a perfect example of an Ayurvedic Practitioner. She is authentic and is passionate about eating the Ayurvedic way.

Wendy Wood ‘Nandiva’
Ishta School of Yoga and Health

In her conscious living search, Claire has grasped the deeper meaning of food. This is expressed in her wide and sound knowledge of Ayurvedic cuisine. With creativity, humbleness, and business acumen, she has gone about creating very accessible and affordable Ayurvedic cooking courses for people from all walks of life.

I had the pleasure of working with her in one of her courses as a raw vegan chef. Her professionalism, recipe innovation, and Ayurvedic understanding made the experience one to be reckoned with. People finished the course effortlessly, coming away with a basic understanding of Ayurvedic cooking. I grew from this, too, as a chef. I was motivated to raise the bar in my own profession.

Her recipes are delicious, with a choice of easily accessible ingredients, which are usually inexpensive. I have no doubt this book will touch many through Claire’s artistry of making the complex subject of Ayurvedic principles in food a reachable, living experience.

Candice Anne Goldstein
Director of Raw Wizard
Raw Vegan Chef

I believe one of the greatest challenges in our lives is to find balance. With being an “A-type” personality, I have certainly struggled with balance. Many are addicted to stress and the adrenalin rush that accompanies it. That is until someone like Claire comes along to help others understand that what we think and feel, and our reactions, can be balanced through what we consume.

I have known Claire for a couple of decades, even before she ran her own successful beauty and massage business. I have witnessed her delving into information and learning to overcome her own physical issues. I, as her friend, have watched with reverence her metamorphosis to where she is today. Since Claire stepped onto the gentle, fragrant, and spicy path of Ayurveda, she has never looked back. She has evolved into a more balanced state of being on all levels of mind, body, and soul.

I have stretched and postured in many of Claire’s yoga classes and relished delicious and wholesomely satisfying meals she prepared on many occasions. It is plain to see that her cooking is an art and great joy, and she concocts her meals with loving hands.

What I have always admired about Claire is her burning desire to impart her knowledge to help others. Her drive has always been for authenticity and using purely natural products. In this cookbook, she imparts her wisdom with simple guidance. The recipes are easy to follow and time-efficient. Even the busiest mom will manage to dish up a feast for family and friends.

Only relatively recently has there been a growing awareness of the gut/brain connection and how important it is to digest what nurtures us. Claire did my Prakruti assessment ages ago and taught me about my Vata/Pita dominated constitution. This has helped me keep my fire and air aspects in check. Healthy eating habits certainly prevent disease.

In “Living Ayurveda,” Claire has taken a pinch of her most loved recipes. With a sprinkling of simplicity and a dash of flair, she’s whipped up an easy-to-follow and delicious-to-savour compilation—a seasonal reference to maintaining health and balance. In this cookbook, there is also basic information on traditional Ayurvedic spices and their benefits to open a whole new world of nourishing flavour.

I am honoured to pen these few words as I know this book will be the first on Claire’s journey of sharing her extensive knowledge of Ayurvedic health. I wish her every blessing for her divine path ahead.

Diana Karmela Kumst

I remember the first time I took responsibility for my healing. It was shortly after graduation from high school when my family GP found a lump on my breast—she, of course, referred me for a Mammogram. On inquiry about the process, they said I might require a Biopsy, which terrified me. Since I had already been reading about Alternative Healing Modalities, I took to healing myself. I delayed the Mammogram and sat every night, sending unconditional love and life force energy to my breast and body. When it was finally done, the Specialist was surprised that the lump was no longer there.

I want to acknowledge my Higher Power for intervening and teaching me that I can heal my body. A couple of years later, I developed an eating dis-order, Anorexia. When I came to live in a commune, it progressed into Bulimia. By this stage, I was doing my Reiki Master Training, and my father was planning to repatriate back to the United Kingdom. My Doctor gave me an ultimatum that if I didn’t get better soon, she would have no choice but to admit me into the hospital. On deep introspection, I realised I was “diminishing my capacity to be loved.” This was largely due to my father (my only living family member in South Africa) was now leaving me to join my brother in the UK. Again, my Higher Power intervened and taught me that I can heal my mind.

At the same time, I expressed myself clearly to my father about what was going on with me. I remember telling him over coffee at his favourite restaurant about my condition and cause. His reaction was not unusual, making light of my crying to the waitress. But after processing, his further response was utterly amazing! We went home, and, for the first time, my father held me in his arms for what felt like hours, and he didn’t let me go until “my cup was full.”

I want to acknowledge my father, John, for stepping out of his comfort zone and extending so much love towards me, which escalated my path to recovery. My father continues to push his boundaries and has traveled to both Germany and India—learning the Yoga and Pranayama (Breathing Techniques) to visit with me in the Ashrams. He is an avid fan of my cooking and tries his best to make these meals in his home place. I often get updates on his shopping trips and what he is putting in his grocery basket.

Instead of a Spinal Fusion, I found Yoga at a young age. During this time, I was dealing with all the above, including my mother’s passing at the age of 47. When going through her personal things, I had discovered she was a Yogini, but never practiced or shared any of her knowledge while living in South Africa. She was not able to express herself fully, as she never found her “tribe” and longed to be back in the United Kingdom. Sadly, she died of a broken heart; but it was not in vain. My mother, Margaret, inspired me to “live my truth” and to share knowledge freely. She has single-handedly paved the way to my success. In her Pandora’s Box, which was her walk-in cupboard, I found books on Healing and Yoga, crystals, Essential Oils, and fragrances. For a long time, I believed my mother was living her best life vicariously through me. I now believe she is closer to my side than ever before. I want to acknowledge my mother and my son, Stuart, as he is the closest inspiration and family I have right now. Gratefully, I have found my tribe, too.

In 2007, I met Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar in Durban, South Africa. A friend had given me an invitation to the Silver Jubilee held in Bangalore, India, in March, and a couple of months later, he came to SA. The whole weekend was magical—from the timing of my arrival at the I.E.C. to the thunderstorm that erupted during the Welcome Address and Meditation to being housed and fed by the Devotees. I sat in wonderment as ordinary individuals chased after Gurudev, which I was later told to be in his direct presence, was like receiving Darshan or a blessing. I had not yet come to that realisation personally. However, it was during one of our evening Satsang’s, a couple of years later, when “Guru’s grace” descended on me. During a Meditation, something wonderful surrounded me, then entered and lifted my heart. It remains there to this day—unexplainable to those who have not yet experienced such unconditional love from their Higher Power. I want to acknowledge that Sri Sri Ravi Sankar is my Higher Power in human form, and I am forever grateful for the doors that have opened as a result. (Even in the writing of this Ayurvedic Cookbook.)

Finally, I wish to acknowledge the many participants who have attended my cooking courses. You have recipe tested these meals and encouraged me along the way to make small changes and improvements as your needs grow and change. Your self-awareness has inspired me to new heights, and I am forever grateful for our journey that seems to intertwine. We have Roshni Morar to thank for teaching me the skill of Gujarati Ayurvedic Cooking and initially supporting me with courses on our return to South Africa in 2010.

Namaste’

Acrostic

a poem style in which the first letters of each line, read down and spell a word.

Anaphora

a poem style in which each line or every few lines begin with the same word or phrase.

Cinquain

a poem style consisting of a five-line stanza.

Concrete

a poem that visibly looks like the subject on the page.

Free verse

a poem style that does not follow fixed meter. It can be written to rely on possible cadences that might fall into symmetrical patterns. Free verse can be one or multiple stanzas.

Haiku

a poem style consisting of three lines. Lines 1 and 3 are five or less syllables. Line 2 is seven or less syllables.

Limerick

a poem style of fixed form. Usually comic in version.

Pantoum

a poem style written in stanzas. Each stanza is four lines. Each stanza builds from the previous stanza, using previous lines via a repetitive format. There is no limit to the number of stanzas written. However, the final stanza consists of line 2 from the previous stanza, line 1 from the first/opening stanza, line 4 from the previous stanza, and ends with line 3 from the first/opening stanza. A simple pattern to follow would be:

Stanza 1 – Line A, Line B, Line C, Line D
Stanza 2 – Line B, Line E, Line D, Line F
Stanza 3 – Line E, Line G, Line F, Line H
Stanza 4 – Line G, Line A, Line H, Line C

Parody

a poem style using the form and expressions of serious writings but closely imitated and adapted to a ridiculous subject or a humorous method or treatment.

Sestina

a poem style consisting of seven stanzas. The pattern for each stanza changes from the first through sixth stanza. The seventh stanza combines six target words into three lines. To begin this style of poem, select six individual or target words. These words are labeled a, b, c, d, e, and f. It is important to label the six words, as they are used as the last word of each line, stanzas one to six. The sestina pattern used is shown here:

Stanza 1 – A, B, C, D, E, F
Stanza 2 – F, A, E, B, D, C
Stanza 3 – C, F, D, A, B, E
Stanza 4 – E, C, B, F, A, D
Stanza 5 – D, E, A, C, F, B
Stanza 6 – B, D, F, E, C. A
Stanza 7 – A and B, C and D, E and F

Tanka

a poem style that is an expansion of the haiku. The first three lines follow the same syllable count as the haiku. Lines 4 and 5 have seven or less syllables. There are five total lines.

Villanelle

a poem style based on a series of refrains and rhymes. Each line can be of any length. The stanzas also use a double repetition.

This book developed from a love for poetry. Poetry has always been thought provoking. Poetry has helped me to examine many internal reactions to the world. Hopefully you, the reader, can relate to a variety of topics as you turn the pages. I hope to take you on a journey of thought. Some poems, “A Strange Day” or “The Traveler” are light-hearted and fun. Other poems, “View the Past” or “Needles” provide a glimpse of the world as it exists. Now is the time to explore the path of…

Melanie Graves began writing poetry in high school, with two poems being arranged into music and others pub-lished by The National Library of Poetry, in compilation editions during the 1990’s. She has also had some of her poems published by Sparrowgrass Poetry Forum, Inc. and in various volumes of Poetic Voices of America. Even more, Melanie was accepted into the International Society of Poets.

After retiring and relocating to Florida, Melanie decided to take her love for poetry to a higher level, when she wrote her first poetry book, Dreams, Musings, Thoughts. The inspiration for her poetry is drawn from everyday life and/or experiences. She hopes to continue writing as she has desires to write children’s and mystery books.

Above her passion for creating written masterpieces, Melanie Graves is a wife and active mother of two sons. In her spare time she also enjoys reading and painting.

Aging

Looking through the window of time
While grasping at the indelible memories
That shift through our hands
As grains of sand in the hourglass.
Tangible reminders of the past
Bringing us to where we are today.

Glorious sun is Mother Nature’s gift today.
Too much daydreaming, little focus on time.
Refusing to let go of the past.
Treading in the quicksand of unhappy memories.
Prisms of colored glass.
Wash rainbows on cold hands.

A troubled mind, many years unhandled.
Not existing for today.
Sunlight struggled through the glass
Locked in an era of time
With hundreds of buried memories
Never acknowledging an end to the past.

No benefit is achieved by living in the past
Sometimes washing the hands
Gives a clearer perspective of clouded memories.
However, here and now is the real today.
Though, is there a value on time?
What is beyond the looking glass?

Hurtful words cut as broken glass
We are expected to learn from the past
Hoping not to live each day as a race against time
Extend helping hands
To those in need today
Creating new, enjoyable memories.

Distant thoughts should not be distant memories.
Remember it should be a half-full glass.
Live life for today.
Previous experiences are the past.
Help others with our hands.
No one lives with unending time.

It is borrowed time to create many memories.
Open our hearts and hands without breaking each other’s glass.
Walk forward from the past, celebrating the journey to today.

Believe

Be open

Everything is possible

Live in the moment

Internal awakening

Extraordinary development

Virtual unknowns

Express gratitude

Sunshine

Sunshine
Life giving breath
Springs’ awakening bell
The electric blanket of earth
Priceless

Friends, Acquaintances

Friends or acquaintances
Depends on the situation
Depends on the day of the week
Friends or acquaintances

Let me think

Friends or acquaintances
What have you done for me?
Too often the blinders obscure what we see
Friends or acquaintances

Let me think

Friends or acquaintances
Can you be trusted with my inner thoughts?
Will you defend my character?
Friends or acquaintances

Let me think

Friends or acquaintances
Will you be there for me?
Is the door always open?
Friends or acquaintances

Let me think

Friends or acquaintances
Will you listen to my words?
Offer comfort and support
Friends or acquaintances

Let me think

Friends or acquaintances
Deliberate thought required
Deep-seated trust required
Friends or acquaintances
Be wary of the knife.

A Strange Day

Beware of frogs knocking on the door.
They want to carry me away.
They are bothered by my snore.

Seashells litter the sandy shore.
Children run and play.
Beware of frogs knocking on the door.

Checked and completed the list of chores.
Too many visitors, where will they stay?
They are bothered by my snore.

Crowd continues to yell for more.
Sky has changed from blue to grey.
Beware of frogs knocking on the door.

Start the car, drive to the store.
Rain showers, a gloomy day.
They are bothered by my snore.

Cut pineapple without the core.
Forgot my wallet, no way to pay.
Beware of frogs knocking on the door.
They are bothered by my snore.

The Mold

Do not try to fit another person into ‘your’ mold. Each person should live life according to his or her rules and expectations. Not everything is right for every person. One size does not fit all. Many life paths can lead to the same place. Agree to disagree if necessary. How someone else lives his or her life, does not diminish or change your life. Be you for you in ‘your’ mold.

A Son’s Dream

What do you dream of?
With your eyes shut tight.
What do you dream of?
In the dark, silent night.
Do you take flight with your dreams and discover new lands?
Do you become a baseball man?
Are you playing in the mud and grass?
Are you running very fast?
Have you made the game-winning play?
Have you pitched a winning save?
Do you see your Mom and Dad?
Cheering you on from the stands.
Whatever you dream large or small
Remember you can be anything at all.
No limits or boundaries should exist in your dreams,
What is important is that you believe.
Believe with your heart, believe with your soul,
Believe, believe, that is your goal!

Eyes

When you look in the mirror each day…
See the true you.
See your uniqueness.
See your flaws, not falsehoods.
See your laugh lines, not wrinkles.
See your tiredness, remembering the long hours you put into life getting to where you are.
Always appreciate yourself for who you really are.

Preface

Foreword

Introduction

Why Most Companies Fail

Failure to Understand Customers

Fear

Lack of Vision

Culture Matters

Building a Culture of Trust

Building a Culture of Learning

Building a Culture of Change

The Change Leader Model

Introduction to the Change Leader Model

Change Fatigue

Change Readiness

Change Management

Change Communication

Change Sustainability

The Change Curve

Introduction to the Change Curve

Denial

Anger

Depression

Testing/Bargaining

Acceptance

Traits of Great Change Leaders

Inspire

Motivate

Engage

Communicate

Equip

Care

Courage

Hold Accountable

Willingness & Ability

Two Factors for Successful Change

Managing Resistance, Building Resilience

Building a Solid Change Plan

Come Up With A Title

Final Thoughts

What’s Next

10 Fun Facts About Tim Sparks

8 Fun Business Facts About Tim Sparks

About the Author

Contact Tim Sparks

The fact that you have picked up this book means you have a major change initiative coming up and you are looking for guidance, you have been part of a change initiative in the past that failed to accomplish its intended goal, or you are intrigued by the premise of becoming a Great Change Leader. In any case, I am honored you chose my book, and my hope is you will learn some things in it that will make the difference between change success and change failure for you and your organization.

Studies done 25 years ago on the effectiveness of organizations implementing change initiatives revealed that many are not particularly good at it. Actually, many were terrible at it. It showed that 70% of all change initiatives failed to accomplish their intended result. Since then, there have been thousands of books and articles written on the subject as well as seminars and classes taught to help business leaders navigate through organizational change. And with all those books and resources on the subject, we have moved the needle on this effort zip, nada, zero.

Studies today show that change initiatives still fail 70% of the time. There are undoubtedly many reasons for this—some obvious, and some not so obvious. The pace of business today moves at light speed and many leaders are impatient and willing to cut corners when it comes to doing things the right way. Others are lost, not even knowing where to start.

My approach to this subject is a bit different than most. Now let me be clear, I am not saying I have all the answers and you will be guaranteed success if you follow the plan set out in this book. But my emphasis, rather than focused on the process of change itself, is on you, the leader.

There are definite character traits and skills that set leaders apart who can successfully lead people through change. They are the 30% leaders—those who refuse to fall into the 70% failure rate. By focusing on you as a Great Change Leader, the attention now moves to people, rather than process. After all, it is the people who determine the success or failure of any change initiative. The best plans in the world are just words on a piece of paper without good people and great leaders to implement them.

I first fell in love with this topic when I was tapped to participate on a project team which was charged with developing a change management training program for a Fortune 500 company about eight years ago. I worked with some great team members and we created a great curriculum. I then had the privilege of traveling from site to site across the U.S. and Canada to train the leadership of the company in this program. It was through these encounters that I learned it was the leader and not the curricula that really made the difference between success and failure.

I began researching this topic on my own and I worked with business leaders across multiple industries to help them steer their companies through the sometimes choppy waters of organizational change; and I have seen some great accomplishments along the way. Sure, there have been some failures, too; but those are simply learning opportunities I get to pass on to you through this book.

I honestly believe you can learn what it takes to become a Great Change Leader and be a difference maker for your company. I also believe you do not have to be a high-level manager or leader in your organization to be a difference maker. Lead from where you are, and the higher-ups will notice.

So, let’s start our journey together. At the end of each section of this book, you will see a QR code that will take you to a video of me discussing the previous section and what you can expect in the next. So, you see, we truly are taking this trip together. Now let’s go change the world one team, one department, and one company at a time!

I have had the honor and privilege to lead others throughout my corporate and entrepreneurial career for more than thirty years, with the past fourteen years focusing on coaching entrepreneurs and corporate leaders. Though my clients span between for-profit and non-profit sectors, they all have a common focus—people. They are successful leaders because they recognize their employees as assets to their business. They are leaders who cultivate great people, create successful companies, and whose primary endeavor is to make the world a better place.

Tim Sparks and I met while serving on the Board of Directors for an SHRM (Suncoast Human Resource Management) chapter in the Tampa Bay, FL area. Instantly, upon meeting Tim, I knew he had a lot in common with many of the gifted leaders I coach. Tim is open-minded, creative, and has a passion for getting things done well. His ability to communicate with others is empowering and produces transformative business results.

When Tim asked me to write the Foreword for his book, I did not hesitate for a minute. I instinctively knew that, if he were ready to share his wisdom and elevate his contribution to businesspeople, it would not be just a theory but an inspired model for success. While there are many fine books written on leadership, few are insightful on the employee experience as this book.

Today’s leaders do not want recycled ideas, but instead need to know what employees want and will respond to in order to be effectively motivated. It has not been an easy feat to understand employees’ responses to leadership. At best, these efforts often have involved shaky assumptions or predictions yielding inconsistent outcomes. Businesses that seek transformation and predictable growth crave a deeper, more nuanced understanding of and a better way to connect with their employees to break this cycle.

And leaders want more than ever to genuinely understand their people and help them prepare for the ever-changing needs implicit in modern work. Your Journey to Becoming a Great Change Leader offers a specific, practical change model that any leader can effectively execute with success in any industry and any business, regardless of its size or maturity. Tim piques your interest with evidence that supports why people actually do like change, and he reveals the real reasons change is resisted in the workplace. He supports his claim of why change is necessary in his excerpts about real business cases that demonstrate how resisting change played a role in these companies’ demise. Tim introduces the real challenge in implementing sustainable change and offers a compelling case for why people resist it, and maybe even unknowingly sabotage it.

While many good leaders know that smart change is necessary for long-term success, up until now, it was too often too baffling. Tim debunks the old mindset that people do not want to change and convinces you that they want and even welcome change. The GCL (Great Change Leader) model is a clear pathway to implementing organizational change. If you are a leader, absorb this information, share it with every leader in your business, and use it to execute any change you aspire to achieve successfully. These strategies and ideas in this book are capable of changing (no pun intended) your relationship with your employees and may even prove to be the catalyst to exponential growth in your business.

Until we meet, keep changing!
Mary Trombitas, BCC, SHRM-SCP, SPHR
Author, Break the Cycle

Seventy percent of all organizational change initiatives fail, and this failure rate has been consistent over the past 25 years! This is unacceptable. The Will Rogers quote above is from nearly 100 years ago but it still paints a picture. Many companies refuse to change and adapt for various reasons, but as Will Rogers stated, if we insist on sitting in the middle of the road, we are going to get run over—or worse, we become irrelevant. It is not enough to be on the right road. We must be moving forward quickly if we wish to remain competitive in our respective markets. Otherwise, the only view we will see on the road is the sight of other companies passing us in the fast lane.

I think you will agree that organizations must have the ability to quickly adapt and change to their business environment to stay relevant, yes? And if you have ever found yourself in a change initiative that failed, it is a very frustrating experience, correct? This frustration is experienced at all levels of the organization, but especially if you were the leader of that initiative, as you are acutely aware of the wasted resources of time, money, and the emotional investment of your employees.

Regardless of your position in the company, failure during times of change does take its toll, and trust me, you are not alone. We have all felt this pain and frustration at one time or another. I have been part of failed change initiatives where I was fully invested, but the leadership failed to provide a clear vision of what the change would accomplish. My role in the change process was not clearly communicated and no one had any idea what the end state should look like. If you have been, or are now in this situation, I feel your pain. You can feel lost, unsupported, and unsatisfied in your job.

The good news is that it does not need to be this way. In the chapters to follow, you will learn what it takes to be a Great Change Leader and you will develop the skills necessary to lead people successfully through times of change. You will learn some of the reasons why companies fail when it comes to change, so you can avoid making those same mistakes. You will learn about how to build the proper culture in your organization, so you can facilitate change more efficiently. We will discuss many tools you can use before, during, and after change that will aid in planning your initiative, as well as helping to make it stick once the initiative is complete. And most importantly, you will learn what it takes to be a Great Change Leader. The traits that set leaders apart from mediocre leaders and managers will help you get to the 30% who are successful in leading through change.

I have been a Human Resources professional for twenty years and I hold senior HR professional certifications from SHRM and HRCI, so I have had a lot of opportunities to lead organizations and teams through change myself. I have been asked to help develop change management training programs for Fortune 500 companies. I have also had many opportunities to speak on this topic for local, state, and national conferences with positive results. With all of this experience, I am still humbled and grateful for the opportunities I have had to work with companies and leaders in this area. There have literally been thousands of books, articles, and workshops on this topic, and I am in no way any smarter or more qualified than any who came before me. My hope is that the lessons learned in this book can help you.

I understand that it can be hard to open your mind to new concepts and ways of thinking. After all, we are creatures of habit, and bad habits are hard to break. If you are a smoker and you have tried to quit in the past, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The same struggle exists when it comes to leadership. It is hard to change your perspective when you have been looking at things the same way for years. But the principles and concepts you learn in this book can take you from the 70% failure group to the 30% success group.

My goal in life has always been to help others achieve their greatest potential, and it is no different with this book. If I can help just one reader succeed, I will be very gratified. My desire for you is for you to take your team, your company, and your career to the next level.

So, are you ready? Are you ready to view leadership differently? To see things from a new perspective? Are you ready to grow as a leader? Are you ready to take the next step in your career? If so, keep reading. I know the lessons in this book will make you a better leader and, more importantly, a Great Change Leader.

FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND CUSTOMERS

Why should we study failed companies? Where is the value in that, you ask? Simply put, understanding why companies fail helps us to not repeat their mistakes. The adage, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, certainly rings true here.

Companies must change in order to stay relevant. Those who rest on the status quo, the way they’ve always done things, are riding on borrowed time. Change has become one of those buzz words or topics, and rightfully so. The problem is that most do not “do change right” and their change initiatives fall short or fall altogether. Have you ever heard of “change initiative”? Maybe you have taken part in one or two (or seven), or maybe you haven’t. It is “a dedicated plan to venture from an old state to a new state.” It may be a change in operations or habits, processes, customer interaction, attendance policy, etc. The truth is, 70% of all change initiatives fail. Study after study and year after year reveals the same fail rate. That means, despite the numerous books, seminars, and articles on the topic, we are apparently still getting it wrong. Therefore, it only makes sense to understand why they fail to avoid the same pitfalls.

The cost of failure is just too great to attempt some cookie-cutter, prefab solution that worked for some other company. Your organization is unique and deserves a plan that is tailored to your specific goals and objectives. So, do not fall for the excuse that “failure occurs because people hate change.” That is an urban myth. The truth is, people don’t hate change at all. They love change. What they hate is the road through change, because they go about it all wrong. Many times, people try to take the easy road through change, without putting in the hard work required to implement successful change.

When you research companies who failed to adapt and change, Blockbuster Video is always near the top of the list, and for good reason. Blockbuster was the largest retailer of its kind for movie and video game rentals, beginning in the VHS and BETA era. However, the industry was disrupted by a new technology that would change the way people watch movies at home. Streaming media like Netflix and Hulu revolutionized entertainment choices. Yet Blockbuster believed the  customers still preferred to get in their cars, drive to the nearest Blockbuster, comb through aisle after aisle of tapes, and search intently for the one title they came for, only to find on the shelf an empty space with a sign reading, SOLD OUT!

Do you remember that disappointing feeling? Of course, most were determined not to go home empty-handed, so they continued to search for an acceptable alternative. Having found a video that the family could agree on (no small feat in and of itself), they head to the checkout counter to wait in line to be tempted by everything from popcorn to kids’ toys. Of  course, to get the membership required to take anything out of the store, they needed a copy of your driver’s license, Social Security Card, birth certificate, fingerprints, a blood sample, and a cheek swab as collateral. Okay, I may have exaggerated that a bit, but it paints a picture. Doesn’t it? In the end, it was not new technology that caused Blockbuster’s demise. Even their own Marketing Communications Director stated it wasn’t Netflix who led to the company’s downfall. It was their own leadership’s failure to grasp what their customer wanted.

To make matters even worse, Netflix approached Blockbuster with a business proposition in 2000 to partner together in a joint venture. They wanted Blockbuster to advertise their streaming service in their stores and, in return, Netflix would manage Blockbuster online. An arrangement that would have undoubtedly saved Blockbuster from their own short-sightedness. However, Blockbuster CEO John Antioco rejected the proposal, believing that Netflix was an insignificant player in the entertainment industry. Today, Netflix is worth an estimated $194 Billion—hardly an insignificant number. Don’t you think John Antioco regrets that decision now?

Macy’s department store is a similar story to that of Blockbuster. Once one of the most beloved retailers in America, Macy’s has been featured in several Hollywood films including Ocean’s Eleven, King Kong, and, most notably, Miracle on 34^th Street. Most of us tune in every November to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. However, Macy’s downfall started in the 1980’s when they were offered an opportunity to start a cable television channel that would feature their product lines. The leadership at Macy’s, however, believed like Blockbuster did, that their customers still preferred to shop in physical brick and mortar retail stores, and they declined the idea. Honestly, though, I can understand why these companies held on to this notion.

Think back, if you’re old enough, to those days in the 80’s. The thought of buying something like clothing without the opportunity to physically touch it and try it on seemed strange; but that was old-world mentality. When Macy’s declined the offer for the cable TV channel, other companies swooped in to take advantage. QVC and The Home Shopping Network became the pioneers of shopping from the comfort of your own home in the mid 80’s, leaving Macy’s to miss a huge opportunity. Ironically, the first big retailer to contract with QVC was Sears, another company who later failed to adapt and change to their market environment.

Abercrombie & Fitch is another example of a company that lost touch with what their customers wanted. Originally, A&F was an outdoorsman retailer who underwent multiple reorganizations after the founders retired. Eventually they became a high-end seller of apparel targeted at teens. The company survived The Great Depression and other economic downturns, even bankruptcy. They were near extinction when they finally rose as one of the most successful and trendy brands in the early 2000’s.

One reason for the rise of Abercrombie & Fitch was the 1992 entrance of Mike Jeffries as their new President. Jeffries had his finger on the pulse of the teen generation and sales began to skyrocket. You see, Jeffries embraced the notion that “sex sells” and he rebuilt the A&F brand to reflect that philosophy. He built his advertising to market overpriced clothing to “hot people.” The stores were infused with young, thin, and scantily dressed models who every teen of that era wanted to look like. A&F had made a comeback. However, Jeffries, the architect of that comeback, would also be responsible for their colossal fall from grace.

You see, Jeffries had embraced the ‘beautiful’ philosophy so intently that he alienated the rest of the population. Many companies identify and target a specific demographic, but they also do not actively insult other groups who may want to buy their products. (But I’m getting ahead of myself.) A&F’s problems started in the late 1990’s when they were named in a lawsuit for the use of sweatshops to produce their apparel. Of course, this was not just an A&F problem. Many high-end retailers faced similar lawsuits. Lawsuits like these gave the brand a black eye, but not a fatal blow. Unfortunately for A&F, this was just the first in a series of blunders that would be a major hit to the brand.

In 2008, The Great Recession caused another economic downturn, this time fueled by the housing bubble. The stock market crashed again and many families around the globe struggled to survive financially. 401(k)’s disappeared overnight, jobs were lost, and businesses closed their doors for good. Even during this financial crisis, Abercrombie & Fitch refused to lower prices, which left a poor taste among consumers for the A&F brand. At one point, one of A&F’s district managers made the distasteful comment that they would rather burn their clothes than to give them to poor people.

Okay, now back to CEO Jeffries. In 2013, he was asked why A&F did not carry plus-size apparel for women (they only carried up to size Large). He responded by saying that “fat people do not belong in his stores”. Earlier, he had also made the comment that he only hires attractive people to work in his stores because his workers attract beautiful customers. He never wanted to see “ugly people” wearing his brand. Strike three! (But the chaos doesn’t stop here.)

To add insult to injury, Abercrombie & Fitch had what they called their “look policy”, allegedly discriminating against any applicant who did not fit the company’s ideal look. In other words, if you were not young, white, and attractive, they were suddenly no longer hiring. The company faced numerous lawsuits around this alleged discrimination as well as for mistreatment of their employees. One lawsuit, which eventually became a huge class-action suit, claimed that A&F required its employees to wear A&F apparel that the employees had to purchase on their own dime. Most of these suits were settled by the company, without admitting any guilt.

All these missteps and misdeeds earned the company the dubious title of the Most Hated Brand in America by the American Customer Satisfaction Index in 2016. Sadly, the one thing that Jeffries and the A&F leadership team lost sight of was who their customers were, and what they wanted. Which is ironic because the whole philosophy was centered around the type of customer demographic that A&F wanted to target.

In other words, they lost sight of the fact that American teens were slowly moving away from being influenced by pop culture and moving towards social justice. This was the era of the rise of the Millennials and they were not as impressed by high-dollar price tags, nor by which beautiful celebrity was wearing their clothes. No, the Millennial Generation is more concerned with a company’s ethics, its treatment of others, and how it gives back to the communities they live in.

Jeffries and his staff could not see the forest for the trees. They were so bent on catering to a specific customer type that they failed to realize this type no longer existed. The world had changed around them, and they were oblivious to the change. The good news for A&F is, they are working to rebrand themselves and are poised to make another comeback. Time will tell.

So, how could companies like these miss the mark so profoundly when it came to identifying with their customers? In one word—arrogance. Blockbuster Video and Macy’s believed they knew more about what their customers wanted than their customers did. The arrogance of A&F CEO Mike Jeffries, in my opinion, is undeniable. He obviously believed he could say and do anything without repercussions. Statistics show that most dissatisfied customers never complain; they just leave. That is why the most successful brands and retailers make a point of knowing and connecting with their customers. They offer generous return policies, conduct frequent customer surveys, and provide satisfaction forums. They give their customers what they want because they know it’s worth it to keep them in the long run.

“Misunderstood is a revelation of authentic personal growth. Allyson exposes her behaviors and thoughts with deep vulnerability, offering her processes for achieving acceptance and serenity. As a therapist and life coach, she not only presents skills and strategies but welcomes you to witness personal application to her thoughts and behaviors. Honest, humble, and truly human, Allyson lives what she teaches.”

~  JoAnn W. Payne, LCSW

“Allyson speaks to her readers from the most truthful place an author can write: unapologetic vulnerability. Sharing her personal growth throughout her life, admitting that she’s a work in progress (as we all are until we take our last breath), and practicing her own techniques before recommending them to her readers, are just a few ways she exemplifies honest commitment to the success of others. Misunderstood is well-written, informative, honest, and challenges the reader to put himself or herself under the microscope and try a different approach to being emotionally grounded and communicative. Complete with worksheets for practical implementation, this book will be highly beneficial to all who read it.”

~  Don Metcalf

“I have found Allyson to be wise, caring, thoughtful, and open-hearted. She has the ability to gently give me feedback that makes me stop and think in a whole new way, benefiting each and every relationship in my life. I found the experience led me to a whole new level. Wow – What a gift! My experience has been amazing! I found the program to be life-changing! What a wonderful journey of self-awareness, self-discovery, and developing life skills to become a better me. I was inspired and challenged!”

~  Tina Bernheimer

“Allyson has taught me how to love myself, along with believing in myself and my dreams. There honestly aren’t enough words to say how lucky I am to have her in my life as Coach, a Therapist, and honestly, a friend. All I can really say is she’s an amazing person. Thank you, Allyson, for all you have helped me with.”

~  Tim Ramey

“Allyson, and the work she does, has changed my life.  I went from being very angry and blaming to taking responsibility for my life. The journey, at times, was hard and painful, but well worth it. The knowledge and tools I’ve learned are invaluable. I believe in the work Allyson is doing.”

~  Debbie Hellmann

“Is there any part of you that feels misunderstood? That is a question I vividly remember Allyson asking me during our first session together. Rarely did I feel seen, heard, or understood, which lead to a lot of unresolved anger, resentment, and disappointment. I had developed patterns of communicating and behaving that were ineffective. These same patterns began defining my life and relationships as an adult. With Allyson’s guidance and support, I’ve rid myself of my sharp exterior. My energy has completely shifted, and I am more open, honest, and authentic than I thought possible. I’ve learned how to self-reflect, practice self-awareness, and ultimately, better understand how my deepest needs drive the way I behave and make decisions. I give myself permission to feel without judgment and practice self-compassion when I make mistakes. Most importantly, I feel confident that I have the foundation and tools necessary to redirect myself, should I find myself off track. My life has been transformed by this work, and thanks to Allyson, I am a better daughter, aunt, sibling, friend, and human being because of it.”

~  Kelly Klein

“When I think of Allyson, the word unstoppable comes to mind. She has taken what life has thrown at her and turned those lessons into opportunities for growth— both for herself and those around her. You’ll find she has an uncanny way of getting to the root of the issue and speaking to the heart of the person. After a year of working with Allyson, I can feel a change in myself. I am developing confidence I knew was there but didn’t know how to bring to the surface. I also now have tools that I didn’t have before to help myself and my family. Watching Allyson grow has inspired me to step out and look for new and creative ways to develop.”

~  Brittany Czirr

Thank you to my clients who are my inspiration and purpose in much of the work I do. I believe, together, we can make the world a better place through connection and community. Thanks for being on this journey with me and challenging me to always just stay one page ahead.

Thank you to the women in my family who came before me. Lifelong legacies are being laid to rest in this work. I thank you for the road you traveled and the teachings you offered me. We come from a long line of good hearts, few resources, and trying too damn hard. This is the permission I wish you had been granted long ago. The world deserves our best-boundaried selves!

Thank you to Cindy, for always having a listening ear, a proud spirit, and the right words to say. You’ve walked with me on this long and winding path, never leaving my side. You’ve gone above and beyond and deserve a gold medal in the friendship category!

A huge thank you to Mike for supporting me in every facet imaginable. You are my biggest cheerleader, my greatest supporter, and strongest sounding board. You helped me to believe in myself and to know this work was truly possible. You have been a powerful test ground and launching pad for my own S.O.S. work.

To everyone who has contributed to the depths of this work. I may not have seen it at the time, nor understood, how much I needed your contribution, but wow, thank you! Thank you for what you’ve taught me and the ways you’ve offered tough learning and good practice. Sorry for the damage I may have done in the process. No one said I was an easy learner!

From the time I was a little girl, I knew there was a greater mission I was called to fulfill. It was never a question; I was destined for the helping field. I am a master at this emotional stuff for other people. I can sit with them and immediately sense their struggles and have been coined as a Coach and Therapist who just gets it. I am a champ at celebrating the smallest of wins and a trooper for sitting with the deepest imaginable pain and devastation. The public face is an easy one to wear. Yet, what most people would never have guessed it, the greatest pain and confusion I carried was my own.

When I share any of my own struggles and defects with my clients, the question I always hear is a shocked “You?” “Yes, me.” is my strong affirmative answer. Despite the letters behind my name, the degrees that hang on the wall, the years of experience, and the power of a tenacious, determined heart, yes, the struggle is incredibly real. I most definitely have not been immune to the childhood conditioning of being good.

Of course, I’ve grappled with life and had only the tools, insight, and resources of the imperfect generations before me. I wasn’t born with a manual or a script to follow. Though perhaps a master at managing and offering insight about your pain behind closed doors, I couldn’t seem to guide nor direct my way through my own personal pain.

Misunderstood is my personal contribution, an offering for all those wishing there is a life manual to guide, direct, and inspire. May you find the hope, encouragement, and inspiration in this personal script.

“When you choose to forgive the same people over and over again you do so because you don’t want to believe your time loving them was wasted. Bad relationships, over time, can become investments that are hard to let go of. The key to freedom is to realize that love is never wasted. The only thing wasted in life is the time you spend focusing on an unhappy situation that will never change to fit your needs, and not realizing
the true investment of time and love are the lessons God wanted you to learn.” 

~  Shannon L. Alder

“This above all: to thine own self be true.”

~  William Shakespeare

What if I told you, you are your ultimate problem and brightest solution in every way? What if every blurry-eyed morning, the issue and the answer are in the mirror staring right back at you? What if I told you that you hold the power to create your very best life, and the process can begin right now?

So, I’ll ask you:

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, we need to talk. If you recognize these feelings or find yourself in a chronic state of any of them, it’s time to ask yourself, what is it that I’m allowing?

According to Dictionary.com, the word allow means:

• to give permission to or for; permit: to allow a student to be absent; No swimming
• to let have; give as one’s share; grant as one’s right: to allow a person $100 for  
• to permit by neglect, oversight, or the like: to allow a door to remain open.
• to admit; acknowledge; concede: to allow a claim.
• to take into consideration, as by adding or subtracting; set apart: to allow an hour for changing trains.
• to permit something to happen or to exist; admit

The hard truth is, none of these conditions can exist for long periods of time without your permission. If you are in situations or relationships in which negative feelings are your result, there is something happening that you are co-signing, something that you’re allowing. These long-term states don’t happen by accident; they require your compliance.

Welcome to Misunderstood, a journey inward in which you will look at what you are allowing in your life. This book is the manual I wish the generations before me and I had been born with. It is the offering of wisdom, insight, and tools to help you take full responsibility for your life. Misunderstood is an inner journey of self-discovery, honesty, and personal accountability to shine light into the deepest corners of your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, needs, habits, and patterns. We will explore the ways you’ve been misinformed, confused, selling yourself out, settling, working too hard, and working against yourself. Then, you’ll be offered the tools, script, and resources to choose differently.

This journey is not one for the faint of heart. Awareness can be a double-edged sword. In fact, some have cautioned that this work should come with a warning label because once you venture in, you can’t unlearn or unsee all you discover. Acceptance is part of wisdom, the journey. It’s about understanding that you don’t always get what you want in life, but as Mick Jagger so wisely offers, “If you try sometimes, you’ll find you get what you need.”

“When you choose to forgive the same people over and over again you do so because you don’t want to believe your time loving them was wasted. Bad relationships, over time, can become investments that are hard to let go of. The key to freedom is to realize that love is never wasted. The only thing wasted in life is the time you spend focusing on an unhappy situation that will never change to fit your needs, and not realizing
the true investment of time and love are the lessons God wanted you to learn.” 

~  Shannon L. Alder

“This above all: to thine own self be true.”

~  William Shakespeare

What if I told you, you are your ultimate problem and brightest solution in every way? What if every blurry-eyed morning, the issue and the answer are in the mirror staring right back at you? What if I told you that you hold the power to create your very best life, and the process can begin right now?

So, I’ll ask you:

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, we need to talk. If you recognize these feelings or find yourself in a chronic state of any of them, it’s time to ask yourself, what is it that I’m allowing?

According to Dictionary.com, the word allow means:

• to give permission to or for; permit: to allow a student to be absent; No swimming
• to let have; give as one’s share; grant as one’s right: to allow a person $100 for  
• to permit by neglect, oversight, or the like: to allow a door to remain open.
• to admit; acknowledge; concede: to allow a claim.
• to take into consideration, as by adding or subtracting; set apart: to allow an hour for changing trains.
• to permit something to happen or to exist; admit

The hard truth is, none of these conditions can exist for long periods of time without your permission. If you are in situations or relationships in which negative feelings are your result, there is something happening that you are co-signing, something that you’re allowing. These long-term states don’t happen by accident; they require your compliance.

Welcome to Misunderstood, a journey inward in which you will look at what you are allowing in your life. This book is the manual I wish the generations before me and I had been born with. It is the offering of wisdom, insight, and tools to help you take full responsibility for your life. Misunderstood is an inner journey of self-discovery, honesty, and personal accountability to shine light into the deepest corners of your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, needs, habits, and patterns. We will explore the ways you’ve been misinformed, confused, selling yourself out, settling, working too hard, and working against yourself. Then, you’ll be offered the tools, script, and resources to choose differently.

This journey is not one for the faint of heart. Awareness can be a double-edged sword. In fact, some have cautioned that this work should come with a warning label because once you venture in, you can’t unlearn or unsee all you discover. Acceptance is part of wisdom, the journey. It’s about understanding that you don’t always get what you want in life, but as Mick Jagger so wisely offers, “If you try sometimes, you’ll find you get what you need.”

As a Publisher, I regularly receive hundreds of manuscripts; therefore, I cannot possibly accommodate them all. When I saw this book, Misunderstood, laying amidst the pile, the title captivated my attention. As a person who has a need to be heard and understood,
I knew this book would be a masterpiece. The more I read of the manuscript, the more my eyes were opened to the overall profound and invigorating content.

In this book, Allyson reveals her vulnerability surrounding the ways in which she was misunderstood, and how she misunderstood others. Moreover, she gives readers the S.O.S. Toolbox with ten power[ful] tools that are easy to understand and implement.

Allyson states, “There was a time when I was losing my grip and the ground beneath me seemed to be crumbling. My head felt like someone had stuck it into a blender and my heart pounded with formidable betrayal. At the time, I wished I had a life manual to guide, direct, and inspire me. Through my own life
experiences and wisdom learned, I was now able to write the life manual for others in this book, Misunderstood.”

Allyson’s statement, along with her credentials, are only two reasons why I knew this book would offer tremendous value. Allyson’s knowledge and wisdom, experience, and her S.O.S. Toolbox, which are shared in this book, are much needed by everyone.

As more people are stepping up to become Authors, the more self-help books flood the market. Many self-help books include, or lead to, some sort of model to follow. I must say, we see models (all the time) that are not effective. Many are out of sequence; meaning, you truly should complete later steps first, and first steps later. We also witness models that simply lack steps that must be taken to make the entire model
effective. So, when Allyson’s model showed up on my desk, it was a breath of fresh air.

Finally, someone with enough knowledge and wisdom to not fake it, until she makes it. Finally, someone who spent the time needed (over twenty-five years, in fact) to create a life manual that leads to understanding
and healthy relationships maintained by boundaries. Finally, someone who not only lives her model but tested it time and again to prove it is life changing.

As I read through this book, I could not help but live out each step in each chapter. That’s right, me, the Publisher, has already applied Allyson’s teachings. Let me warn you, they work!

Throughout this book, Allyson uses great examples and visuals to drive her points home. I especially love her story about how she “lost her shit over a banana.” Throughout this book, Allyson is transparent, allowing her readers to truly connect with her through circumstances. She truly is raw, real, and relatable to all who take time to learn from her.

So, if you face challenges in life, have a difficult time being misunderstood, are consistently overlooked and walked on, and are unclear about how to live your best life now, this book, Misunderstood, is your #1 guide currently on the market.

Lastly, I want to personally say, “Thank You” to Allyson Blythe for opening her heart to her readers. She has shared personal details, that most would be uncomfortable doing. It takes a lot of courage to create what she has created; and in the name of love, she has proven she truly cares about others. Anyone who reads this book, completes the exercises, and applies the wisdom, will no longer be misunderstood. Here at Transform Publishing, we look forward to assisting
Allyson with all her future books.

Preface. 15

Foreword. 17

Introduction. 21

Accommodating. 25

Caring. 27

Empathy. 35

Connecting. 43

Kindness. 53

Fed-Upness. 67

Adulting. 75

Attention. 81

Nature vs. Nurture. 95

Conflict. 105

Emotions. 111

Commodities. 121

Time, Energy, & Effort. 129

Points of Awareness. 141

Boundaries. 145

Types of Boundaries. 155

Change Back. 171

Water & Weapon Words. 179

Finding the Sweet Spot. 185

Vibe. 195

The 7 M’s. 201

To Give or Not to Give. 217

The Power of No. 227

SOS. 239

Inside Your S.O.S. Toolbox. 243

Self-Anchoring. 245

Self-Awareness. 251

Self-Compassion. 253

Self-Define. 257

Self-Honesty. 261

Self-Honoring. 265

Self-Permission. 267

Self-Referencing. 271

Self-Respect. 275

Self-Responsibility. 279

Claiming Your Well-Being. 283

What’s Next?. 285

About The Author  287

Allyson Blythe opened her private practice in 2000 as a Certified Life Coach and LCSW. Raised in Upstate NY, Allyson earned her master’s degree from Syracuse University as a social worker and later became a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). Allyson educates, equips, and empowers others to dig deep into self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and personal responsibility. Her end goal for her clients is for them to live their very best life.

Allyson states, “I love what I do. This work is much more than a job. It’s a soul journey that I’m blessed to walk through with my clients.”

She strongly believes in meeting her clients where they are with honesty and authenticity. She offers
acknowledgment and acceptance to empower her
clients to raise the bar on their thoughts and behaviors. This way, they can finally let go of fear, excuses, and old habits to reach their ultimate goals.

With over twenty-five years in the field, Allyson has earned her reputation as a trusted, deeply experienced, and highly intuitive Therapist and Coach.

Allyson invests in her clients’ well-being by supporting,

challenging, and guiding them along their journey. She challenges them to go beyond their comfort zone as they stretch and grow.

Those who work with her report real results and lasting change in new levels of self-worth, relationship health, communication, self-understanding, personal performance, and overall mood and functioning.

Regardless of her clients’ paths, she comes alongside of them to help them develop their strengths, celebrate their successes, and reach their greatest potential.

In addition to her private practice, Allyson offers
seminars, workshops, group coaching, and education from the stage as a Public Speaker. Her content ranges from powerful and dynamic self-discovery workshops to year long coaching programs to help her clients
create the life they dream.

Her most popular workshop is The Art of Effective
Communication where she has helped thousands understand themselves and communicate with others.
Allyson states, “Group coaching and workshops are one of the most powerful and cost-effective ways for others to create change and reach goals.”

Moving to Northern Kentucky in 1997, Allyson resides in Union, Kentucky, a progressive city known for being surrounded by cities with unique, humorous names, such as Big Bone Lick and Sugar Tit. Allyson has one daughter who is a young adult who enjoys establishing her life, career, and independence. When Allyson is not busy impacting the lives of thousands of people from around the globe, she can be found on her yoga mat or somewhere in nature.

www.AllysonBlythe.com

AllysonBlythe@live.com

859-341-7773

As a Publisher, I regularly receive hundreds of manuscripts; therefore, I cannot possibly accommodate them all. When I saw this book, Adversity Rockstar laying amidst the pile, the title captivated my attention. My first question was: What is an Adversity Rockstar? The more I read, the more my eyes were opened, not only to what it meant, but also to the overall profound and invigorating content.

In this book, Aric H. Morrison uses a Rockstar analogy that is easy to understand and implement; and exciting to imagine. Even more, Aric is spot on when he claims that every person has been through, and will continue to face, adversity. Adversity truly has no boundaries. It strikes every living, breathing person. This is only one simple reason why I knew this book offers such great value. Aric’s knowledge and wisdom, his Change Navigation Model (CNM), and his Adversity Attack Plan (AAP), that are shared in this book, are much needed by everyone.

As more people are stepping up to become Authors, the more self-help books flood the market. Many self-help books include, or lead to, some sort of model to follow. I must say, we see models (all the time) that are not effective. Many are out of sequence; meaning, you truly should complete later steps first, and first steps later. We also witness models that simply lack steps that must be taken to make the entire model effective. So, when Aric’s model showed up on my desk, it was a breath of fresh air. Finally, someone with enough knowledge and wisdom to not fake it, until he makes it. Finally, someone who spent the time needed (fifteen years, in fact) to record step-by-step what he did, and what works. Finally, someone who not only lives his model, but tested it time and again on others to prove it is life-changing. As I read through his book, I could not help but live out each step in the Change Navigation Model. That’s right, me, the Publisher, has already applied Aric’s teachings. Let me warn you, it works!

Throughout this book, Aric uses great examples and visuals to drive his points home. I especially love the dartboard analogy, where he guides his readers through creating various groups of people who will support them through their your darkest days. Even more, I love his Case for Compassion section at the end of each chapter. This is where Aric becomes transparent, allowing his readers to truly connect with him through the relation of circumstances. He truly is raw, real, and relatable to all who take time to learn from him.

Aside from the philosophical content and the innovative adversity self-help model, I admire the way Aric poured his heart and soul into this book. Anyone who reads Adversity Rockstar will immediately notice that this book was strategically written over an extended period. It is not just another thrown together book, in hopes to become an entrepreneur with a new title; and that, I appreciate!

In life, not only do we all face adversity, we also face moments when dreams (whether small or large) transform into reality. As I read and applied the knowledge in this book, I realized I could also apply everything to one of my dreams that is in the midst of coming true. When Aric speaks about not being clear-minded, due to overwhelm, that is exactly how I have been feeling with all the excitement around me. So, if it is a challenge you are facing or a dream come true knocking at your door, the Change Navigation Model is your #1 guide currently on the market.

In this book, Aric also encourages his readers to contact him via email to share their adversity stories with him. Aric shares a story where he contacted a musician in a famous band, to tell him about his story and how the music has helped him get through his hardships. Unbelievably, this musician responded, and the two began exchanging experiences and having a heartfelt conversation. So, you can see why Aric now offers you to do the same. Sharing your story with a famous Author and having them respond, is remarkable.

Lastly, I want to personally say “Thank You” to Aric H. Morrison, the author of this book, for being vulnerable and trusting in opening his heart to his readers. He has shared personal details, that most would be uncomfortable doing. It takes a lot of courage to do what he has done; and in the name of love, he has proven that he truly cares about others. He has created a masterpiece for all who read and apply his knowledge and wisdom found in Adversity Rockstar. Here at Transform Publishing, we look forward to assisting Aric with his upcoming book, Stealing Home.

Preface

My father passed away when I was a young man, and it was truly one of the most difficult events to process, in my young life. I had no idea how to cope with loss and the vast array of emotions that came with it. For quite some time, I struggled to find my way and emotionally get over it. It was my first time dealing with such a powerful adversity. Prior to his passing, adversity had been a foreign concept to me.

Back then, when I initially faced adversity, I had made many attempts to overcome my pain and challenges. Some of my methods provided great experiences for me to use later in life, while others proved to be nothing more than lessons about what not to do. From then on, every time I faced adversity, I continued to learn even more.

Most often, nobody ever purposefully plans on living a life filled with critical adversities. However, as my life has played out over the years, I have faced more adversities than anyone I have ever met. Two key observations I was able to make several years ago, were adversity does affect everyone in one way or another; and each person has a unique approach to overcoming it. Some are successful in getting through it, while others compound their situation by dealing with it terribly.

There is no magic pill to take, no speech to listen to, and certainly no self-help book to digest, that can guarantee success when facing adversity. However, you can, use my approach to allow it to be your light the next time it feels as though the walls are closing in around you.

The diagnosis of Cancer in my two-year-old, introduced me to a new level of adversity. It was on a visceral level, unlike anything I had ever experienced. The problem was, there was no effective guide or blueprint to help me overcome it. Each day was a completely new learning experience. More often than not, I thought I had been making progress, only to quickly get knocked back even further. It was truly terrible.

Over the years of being a parent of a critically ill, disabled little boy, I have amassed a vast wealth of knowledge on the subject of adversity. Over time, it only made sense to apply the principles that worked, and disregard the mistakes. Therein became the genesis for this book; and through it, I am able to give back and help others on their adversity journey.

In this book, you will discover the Change Navigation Model (CNM) that I created. It is comprised of twenty steps to enable you to better face adversity, from start to finish. I understand adversity is difficult every time, but it doesn’t have to cripple you. My approach can act as your invisible friend who guides you through your trauma.

From a man who lives each day with the mortality of his young child, I absolutely practice the Change Navigation Model regularly. At some point in time, you will face adversity, of some form. Why not have a resource at your disposal to help you cope? It is why I wrote this book. You never have to face adversity alone, again!

Foreword

Adversity Rockstar, written by Aric Morrison, is truly an inspiration and heartfelt delve into dealing with adversity and how to navigate processing, accepting, and conquering hardships in a positive and productive manner. It is genuine, relatable, logical, methodical, and incredibly engaging for all readers, with humor and hardships woven into the narrative. Even more, encouragement abounds at each step in traversing any difficult journey.

As a physician, mom, sister, colleague, friend, daughter, etc, I found myself immersed in each step, thinking about my own challenges, both past and present; some simple and some more challenging. As I thought through the four phases for myself, they all related to different conflicts in my life. The Change Navigation Model, found in this book, is exceptionally helpful, sensible, and intuitive. Aric teaches beautifully how we all face adversity and how we characterize it individually, as our perspective is how we see the depth and severity of the adversity.

As I was reviewing this book, I had an event in my academic life, post an overnight shift that was devastating to me.  (Likely, lack of sleep and my emotional state played a role.)  While not the worst scenario I have dealt with, nevertheless, it hit hard for me on many personal levels, bringing up tragedy from my past. I found myself thinking through each step of the Change Navigation Model, realizing I was too emotional, but needed to accept my feelings, gain clarity, collect more data, and prepare an Adversity Action Plan to obtain an outcome that would make me better and stronger.  I was struck by how each step in Aric’s model made sense, was critical, and flowed simply. At the conclusion of the book, I felt empowered, stronger, energized, and excited to take some time to figure out a way to have my moment on the stage as an Adversity Rockstar.

Working in an inner-city ER, I see all walks of life and problems. I work in an academic setting at a city hospital and mentor medical students, residents, and fellows. Adversity abounds all over in different shapes and sizes, and some truly unimaginable. I find myself realizing, while Aric is not a trained therapist, this book is a great read, inspirational, motivating, and will certainly help everyone who takes the time to work through these steps. His Case for Compassion section in this book is poignant and demonstrates multiple amazing analogies. He makes it real for all of us!

What I can say after this read is that we can all be an Adversity Rockstar. You must believe in yourself, as Aric did; and use these steps to conquer!

Barbara M Walsh, MD
Clinical Associate Professor of Pediatrics
Division of Pediatric Emergency Medicine
Director, Pediatric Emergency Medicine In situ and Mobile Outreach Simulatino
Associate Clinical Director of Pediatrics / Solomont Simulation Center
Boston University School of Medicine
Boston Medical Center
Boston, MA 02118

Introduction

When alone and lying next to my dying child in the hospital late at night, true feelings are the only thing I had to embrace. If you ever find yourself in that situation, you will understand. Then, if you decide to leave your loved one’s bedside for the evening to sleep in a nearby hotel, you will lie awake for hours questioning if it was appropriate for you to leave the hospital. No matter your adversity, when your situation is dire, your mind can become your worst enemy.

Have you ever been through an extremely difficult emotional journey, only to find out later that you could have overcome it in a more positive and productive manner? Listen, you don’t have to feel hopelessly lost when you’re dealing with a difficult life situation. In fact, wouldn’t it be great to have a resource that provides you with some direction? Wouldn’t it be even more amazing to have someone give you a sympathetic voice during your time of need?

Think back to one of your lowest points in life and recall how you managed to get through it. Do you remember if you learned any valuable life lessons? When you face new challenges, are you consistent with a structured approach to overcome them?

Trust me when I tell you, I know exactly how you feel. When it comes to facing adversity, your confusion, frustrations, and overwhelm are familiar to me. Those feelings are very powerful; unforgettable, in fact. They can certainly force you to question every move you make, as you wonder if you are making correct decisions.

When you are simply trying to make it through the next hour; the next day; the next week, the last thing you want is to be in a constant state of confusion and overwhelm. However, all too often, it happens. I understand! Nothing else matters in your world more than trying to persevere and be strong amidst the chaos. The mental toll adversity has on you can be draining. I have been there so many times; your pain, anguish, and fright are all too familiar.

It is important for you to understand, when facing adversity, your behaviors will tend to be held captive by your mind. Therefore, laying the proper foundation to overcome it, is absolutely paramount. If you are not able to think in a comprehensive constructive manner, and instead allow emotions to rule your day, you will continue to find it extremely difficult to overcome your adversities.

This book takes you through the steps needed to get your head in the game, before you even consider taking any action. It systematically shows you a five-step approach on how to get mentally clear. When your mind is clear, your decisions become more strategic and rational. Next, I lay the foundation for you to methodically begin formulating a plan to battle your challenge, and win.

Armed with a winning plan, I then show you how to execute it to help you overcome your battle with adversity. Understanding there are always key lessons to be learned when you face adversity, the final phase presented in the Change Navigation Model allows insights and closure for yourself, and those around you.

Adversity can wear many disguises. It can also trap you in complacency, only to leave you with your guard down and unprepared. Each time this happened to me, I learned from my experiences and thoroughly considered them. Over time, I repeatedly applied the positive lessons acquired. My mistakes were also carefully documented, so I would not fall into the same [mind] trap.

Being a man who has spent almost fifteen consecutive years in and out of hospitals, seeking constant treatment for my child, I have gained a lot of knowledge and wisdom. So it all does not go to waste, I bring it here to you, in this book. The Change Navigation Model (CNM) is my fifteen years of knowledge and wisdom, put together in an easy to understand and implement approach.

Typically, at the very instant adversity strikes you, your mind races, you begin to panic, and everything else in your world becomes a blur. It is extremely easy to allow yourself to fall into the trap of merely, holding your head down while trying to move forward. I used to do the exact same thing; just jump right on in and take each day as it comes, without any plan at all. Imagine, following a step-by-step proven systematic process the next time something bad rocks your world. The Change Navigation Model (CNM) has the power to take you from chaos to correction and from overwhelm to overcome. You can get through your difficult situations in life more smoothly. All you need is a resource at your disposal, written by someone who has been right where you are… many, many times.

Throughout the past decade, I have spent hours upon hours helping people get through the hardest times in their life. It has become my life’s work to use my experiences to aid in the plight of others… others, just like you. I have seen the best of what life has to offer, and the worst. Even more, I have been exposed to almost everything in between. Whether coaching families through adversity or businesses through chaos; or speaking at seminars on change navigation; or writing books to share my story or teach concepts, it is my ultimate goal to help as many people as I possibly can. I believe strongly in what I do and my message, as I personally share in the pain and celebrate the successes of every person I have been fortunate to work with. Life is tough; sometimes we all need a strong role model to learn from.

Aren’t you tired of blindly facing tough stuff? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to shift from instant panic to a proven coping process? Hardships are inevitable. No matter how clean of a life you focus on living, adversity will find you; it always does. Let’s get you prepared! Let’s work together to get you through it with an Adversity Attack Plan (AAP). Who knows, you might actually smile along the way.

Cheers,
Aric H. Morrison

Preface
Foreword
Introduction
Section I
A Small Slice
Keeping It Real
The Dreaded “A” Word
A Strange Day Indeed
Wide-Eyed… But Not Ready
The Vision, A Star Was Born
So You Want To Be a Rockstar?
Section II
Show Me, Show Me, Show Me
The Change Navigation  Model
The Emotional State of Being
Taking Stock
Grounding
Filtering
Processing
Circling
Framing
Final Thoughts
The Behavioral State of Doing
Taking Action
Granting
Gathering
Formulating
Drafting
Posturing
Final Thoughts
Composite State of Performing
Taking Control
Commencing
Implementing
Revising
Concluding
Accepting
Final Thoughts
The Reflective State of Consideration
Taking Time
Commemorating
Readdressing
Sharing
Acknowledging
Starring
Final Thoughts
Bonus Application: Adversity Rockstar Roleplay
Final Thoughts
Epilogue
About The Author

10 Fun Facts About Aric

Once I worked out with the New England Patriots.

In the process I played catch with Tom Brady, was tackled to the ground by Julian Edelman, had Wes Welker blow by me while on a defensive drill to score a touchdown and had Rob Gronkowski show me how to effectively run the three-cone drill.

As a musician, I have been playing the drums since I was 4 years old.

Currently I still play in my free time as a way to relax and continue to hone my skills. I once shared the stage with Joe Bouchard (Blue Oyster Cult) and Andy Hilfiger (The X Brothers).

Being from New England, I cannot help but be a huge sports fan.

NBA Championship and Red Sox win the World Series. Hopefully one day I might be fortunate to see the Bruins live, when then win it all too!

The journey overcoming adversity with my child has been shared nationally on television.

It has also been viewed almost 250,000 times on our personal web page, and shared live in person with members of KISS, The Cure, Blue Oyster Cult, The X Brothers and Geof Tate (Queensryche) to name a few.

I grew up very quickly as my father passed away when I was a young man.

I spent those next several years helping my mother raise my younger brother and sister.

I once paid money to swim with sharks in Aruba.

Looking back now, not sure what I was thinking at the time. Thankfully I am still here to tell my story!

For almost 30 years, my career had been in business at executive-level positions.

To keep myself fresh on the business  side of things, I co-founded a company with two other partners, called  Meredith and Main Development Group. It is a leadership and compliance training company that works with businesses to create stronger and more effective leaders, make culture enhancements,  and to  also to refresh an organizations’ current compliance training needs in a way that “doesn’t suck.”

My first international speaking gig was in London.

Hopefully in 2020, I plan to tour all 50 states and speak in each one-raising awareness for organ donation, pediatric cancer and to celebrate life with all of the courageous survivors across the country.

I am inspired each day by my 18-year-old son and his critically ill disabled younger brother.

I simply could not ask for greater perspective than what I have gained from those two amazing boys and all that we have gone through together.

I was once on a cruise ship and met the world famous artist, Marc Lacourciere from Motor Mark Art.

We chatted for a bit as I shared my story for being on the ship as a means to get away for a bit from all of my recent struggles with our critically ill little boy. It was a pretty emotional conversation for me as my state of mind was rather fragile. I had shown an interest in a work of art that had personally moved me because of my son, it personally resonated with me in a special way. This remarkable person purchased it and sent to my house. It hangs on any wall today as a reminder  of all of the good in people. I hold this incredible man in the highest regard and hope to one day personally go and thank him for his kind gesture.

• The difference between a Business Owner and Empire Creator.
• Your one thing that will create your success.
• What it takes to be a confident CEO.
• How to get 10 steps ahead of ordinary entrepreneurs.
• How to become a fearless CEO.
• How to get your personal life in order so it no longer negatively affects your Empire.
• Develop a business plan.
• Branding your Empire.
• How to turn others on.
• How to mingle your way to millions.
• Use your words to speak your way to success.
• Planning your events.
• Create copy that demands attention.
• The importance of being a happy and healthy CEO.
• …and more!

PART ONE

Opening Statement
Business Owner  vs.  Empire Creator
Your One Thing
The Confident CEO
Getting Ten Steps Ahead
The Fearless CEO
Journaling Your Way to Success
When Your Personal Life Suffers,  Your Empire Suffers

PART TWO

Developing Your Business Plan
Branding Your Empire
Turning Others On
Mingle Your Way to Millions
Speaking Your Way to Success
Creating Copy
Planning Your Event
Building Meaningful Relationships
The Happiest CEO is the  Most Successful CEO
Living Healthy as a CEO

“This is every entrepreneur’s dream come true. Finally, someone authored a book that does not only tell you what you need to do; rather, they also tell you how to do it and provides spaces for immediate implementation. This book is a phenomenon for many reasons; but for one, it covers an array of topics every entrepreneur must know to own an Empire. I find the combination of personal development and business application to be profound. These Authors are correct when they say, “When your personal life suffers, your business will suffer—and vice versa.”

Patrick Snow
PatrickSnow.com
International Best-Selling Author
Author of Creating Your Own Destiny

“I must be honest, I am not a huge fan of compilation books, because they are typically poorly put together with poor writing skills. However, since I am being honest, this book is deserving of my standing ovation —and yours too. It is obvious this book has fully been well planned and executed with the highest quality of professionalism.”

Niko Mercuris
NikoMercuris.com
Author / Speaker / Investor /
Business Break Through Consultant

“We don’t know what we do not know, until someone shows us that we do not know it. This book has show-ed me exactly what I was missing that was hindering my success as an entrepreneur. Even more, since applying what I learned from this book, I have seen immediate transformation in my business. I am more confident than ever before that my business is trans-forming into an Empire.”

Jimmie Bell
OSU Alumni Football Player
Mentor

Part I:
SUCCESS AS A RESULT OF BUILDING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

 “Build what you need before you need it.”
– Jeanne Porter

Leveraging is one of the most powerful tools man will ever utilize. We know, we cannot do everything ourselves. True, some may have the mentality, “If I want it done right, I must do it myself.” I have heard that phrase more times than I can count; and perhaps, sometimes it just might be the case. However, I guarantee, about 99.9% of the time, it is false and will wind up causing you to self-destruct as you overload, and ultimately drown yourself in a sea of desperation yelling, “Help?! Save me!”

Everything in life begins and concludes with relationships. Do you really believe that you can build an empire as a one-woman show? Besides, even if we could, who would we have left to celebrate with? You may be in the early stages of your business and feel as though you – a powerhouse of a woman – have it all under control. If this is you, then I want to say, “Great! But, it won’t always be this way.” I want to encourage you to know and understand, the day is coming when you have more to be done than what your two hands and one head can handle. The time to start is now. Step out and network – build relationships, invest in others, and seize every opportunity that makes your heart sing.

As you lick your fingers and turn the pages of this book, you will dive into a world of many women who have embraced the power of relationships. For this embrace, they have soared to heights that are both scary and exciting, breathtaking and angelic, and has turned them into successful women who will never be forgotten.

Part II:
MEET THE NEEDS OF OTHERS AND WATCH YOUR NEEDS BE MET

“Meeting the needs of others is the 1^st step in getting your needs met.”
– Jeanne Porter

It was 2007 when I opened the doors to WiBN. As the ladies shuffled into the room to find their seat, I was ready and eager to begin. As the women sat staring back at me, awaiting my first words, it was these words that they heard, “If you are joining WiBN in order to meet only your needs, then this is not the organization for you.”

The truth is, in this journey of reaching success, we are all in this together. The most successful women I know, are the ones who make a constant effort to meet the needs of others. Once they know that they met the needs of those they could, it is then that they see their own needs getting met. When you help others, they want to help you. When they want to help you, they will give it all they have, to see to it, that the proper help needed is provided.

As you read this book, you will read the success stories of women, who not only understand this profound principle, but who also choose to live it. Before you entangle your mind in these stories, there is a powerful lesson I would like to share with you.

As I began to work towards my own success I found that I was like many other woman; I was battling time. “Time…time…time…there seems to never be enough time!” This is a misconception, and an excuse for the simple minded. There is always enough time to do what you really “want” to do. If it is a priority to you, then you know you will make the time to achieve it. If you feel that you don’t have time to invest in the lives of others, then what you are really saying is, “Others are not my priority”. If this is you, allow me to first, encourage you to make investing in others a priority.  Then second, allow me to show you how to “find the time” to do so.

What I have found that works for me is what I call, “Others Hour”. This is where I set aside one hour per week to do nothing for myself. Instead, this entire hour is spent on investing in others and meeting their needs. I know for me, if something is not on the calendar, it doesn’t get done. Others Hour is a time when we can write a note, make a phone call, deliver a gift, pray, or do a favor for those special people who we’ve been meaning to do this for. I strongly encourage you to give it a try! Who knows? Perhaps, it will work for you as much as it does for me.

Part III:
THE DOMINO EFFECT: BEING A CONNECTOR

Think back to when you were a child. Did you ever play with dominoes? You spend 20 minutes setting up a line of dominoes, just to sit back, look at its beauty, and give the leading domino a flick of the finger. Once this action has taken place, you watch in amazement as they all fall in line, one overlapping the other.

con·nect·or
kəˈnektər/
noun

1. a thing that links two or more things together.
   “a pipe connector”

2. a short road or highway that connects two longer roads or highways.

When the dominoes are standing in line they are not connecting. When they lay overlapping, they are connected – linked. Building relationships can be viewed the same.  As long as you are standing alone or merely beside another person, little success will be achieved. However, when we decide to overlap – connect – walk arm-in-arm with the same goals and vision, we begin to reach levels of success we only once dreamt about. Just as when one domino hits the next domino, that domino hits the next domino, and the next and the next; so does it happen when we touch the life of one person. When one life is touched because you took your time and effort to invest in them, they can then go on to invest in someone else. As we begin the glory of the domino effect there is no stopping it. As it doesn’t stop, neither does success. The earth shakes, the mountains move, and the people rise to heights that once seemed unimaginable.

I want to encourage you to be a connector – a domino. Connectors have the utmost power and influence. Being a connector enhances relationships, opens doors that appear to be locked, and gives you a high return on your investment.

Part IV:
BUILDING A NETWORK OF SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Often times when we think of networking, we cringe, slouch, and say, “Do I have to?” The thought of dressing to impress, being overly proper and polite, and faking a great mood, seems overwhelming and tiresome after an already long day. I get it! However, allow me to soften your heart, as mine has been softened towards networking.

Networking  is not  about  impressing  or  pretending.  Networking is about building relationships. We tend to make it feel worse than it is because our approach is all distorted.  Allow me to ask you, “Have you ever been to a networking event, passed out and collected as many business cards as possible, returned home, looked at your stack of cards, and then never called a single one of them? Perhaps, you added them to your email list and moved on? Yes? Is this you?” I have seen this done a thousand and one times. If this is how networking works for you, then I agree – I’d rather stay home too!

When you learn to use networking as a tool for building relationships, you will begin to see and feel how magnificent and heart-warming the experience is designed to be. Take the time to meet your connections for coffee, in order to reach a place of understanding to who they are, and what their dreams are. Build the relationship. When you do you will see that your “net-works.”

Part V:
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS ON COMMON VALUES OR INTERESTS?

“To be valued, you must first value others.”
– Jeanne Porter

Have you ever stepped into a new friendship where in the beginning all was well, and then after a short time the friendship just seemed to have slipped away? If you are like me, then I am sure you have. Sadly, this happens more often than not. We can blame a busy schedule, but if we are honest, there is a bigger root cause to why this is happening.

Relationships are built when there is value in it for both parties. When one party feels the friendship has too little of value for their efforts, they tend to drift away, parting as acquaintances rather than friends. If a relationship doesn’t offer enough value, it is more than likely that an individual doesn’t feel valued; perhaps, they are putting in more effort than the other.

Feeling valued is what ties one person to another. How are we sure to add value to our relationships? Your answer is, to share common values. Values are important ideals that guide our priorities, and are core to organization. Values not only tie people together, but they also set visions and affect what we do as a community.

What is the best way to be sure you are making others feel valued? First, ask questions, really listen, and develop a mutual commitment. When we combine all 3 of these efforts, we ultimately show the other person that we are interested in them, and that we value them. One of the greatest advantages that I have found working with a community of women who support one another, is leveraging the many different disciplines, interests, and practices. Taking the time to build relationships based on common values and interests provides networking opportunities for whoever desires to be involved.

“Respect others and their values, as you build your relationship, on the common values shared.”
– Jeanne Porter

What Others Are Saying About Jeanne Porter and This Book

 As Jeanne Porter writes about being a connector, she certainly practices what she preaches.  Over the years, Jeanne has become the most enthusiastic connector of people in the Dayton, Ohio region.  The moment she meets a new person, her mind starts racing about who she knows that could help this person, connect this person, befriend this person, or mentor this person.  I can’t imagine the number of contacts she carries around in her phone every day!  Jeanne goes above and beyond the common connector; she truly cares about building a network of supportive relationships. Making the contact is the easy part, teaching you how to develop meaningful, supportive relationships is the hard part, but Jeanne is committed to showing you how to do this one step at a time, and one relationship at a time.

Tina Rezash Rogal
Digital Marketing Manager, Cox Digital Marketing

In this wonderfully crafted book, Jeanne Porter brings together a symphony of many voices, and stories designed to teach and inspire the reader. The work itself aptly demonstrates the benefits of building relationships and collaboration; central themes discussed within. These are the same skills I’ve been privileged to watch Jeanne use over many years to build a successful women’s organization into a national program. Full of poignant ideas and valuable insights from successful and inspiring women, the information in this book describes how anyone can effectively build, develop, and maintain relationships with the proper “how to” knowledge. I’m pleased to give it my highest recommendation!

                                       Gary Mull
Professional Speaker & Consultant
President, Professional Speakers Guild
Past International Director, Toastmasters International

Jeanne Porter brings people, especially women, together like nobody I have ever witnessed. Not to my surprise, she is doing it again with this book. Jeanne’s desire to help others overcome their fears, and help them to develop the skills needed to succeed are astounding. In this book you will find the stories of accomplished women, along with their insights and counsel. If you have the need to build confidence, learn to eliminate fear, take your networking to the next level, or simply desire an inspiring and motivating read, then this is the perfect book for you.

Lisa Barhorst
General Manager WKEF-TV, WRGT-TV
Sinclair Broadcast Group, Inc.

Jeanne Porter provides a roadmap on how to truly connect, invest in the lives of others, and build meaningful relationships. Written in an easy-to-read style, this book is filled with inspirational and heartfelt messages from successful women, who have embraced the power of relationships.

Jayne McDougall, Founding Partner
McDougall Marketing Communications

Jeanne Porter is a genius and now the world will learn from her! Jeanne has a natural ability (and deep rooted passion), to connect people together for a greater purpose. Her lively take on life and business is felt through this beautiful masterpiece. This book is encouraging generations of women to help one another in transit to the top. Jeanne is the Oprah of networking. When she speaks, I encourage you to listen.

Raquel Eatmon
CEO Rising Media LLC, Founder of Woman of Power Conference

Jeanne Porter’s success is undeniable! She has taken her vision for empowering and connecting women, and founded the Women in Business Network (WIBN), where she currently serves as its director. Jeanne’s passion and enthusiasm for connecting women, and helping them realize their dreams shines through in this book. The treasures you will find in this book are Jeanne’s powerful and helpful insights, along with demonstrations of the benefits of relationships; written by 21 inspiring women.  Success: Powered by Relationships, leverages both the personal and professional experiences of these amazing women to communicate the link between genuine relationships, and success. This book is full of honest heartfelt experience and practical counsel, that helps the reader better understand how they can grow their success by focusing on the power of relationships.

Kelly Fruedenberg

With a heart to help others in their endeavors and determination geared for success, Jeanne Porter is a woman of great wisdom. In this book Jeanne shares not only her wisdom, but the wisdom of the leading successful women in her network. This book is a great source of wisdom, combined with inspiration to all who desire to be successful in business relationships. From the day I met Jeanne and became a part of WiBN, I knew that Jeanne’s love for people would lead to her success, and create stories that would help others believe in their own capabilities in order to create their own success. There are many stories and lessons within these pages that, when you apply, will leave you being as successful as you dream of being. The knowledge and wisdom found in this book pleases me greatly, and has helped me tremendously in my own success – I know it will help you also.

 Jeanne Hyder

Contents

PART I: SUCCESS AS A RESULT OF BUILDING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

Chain Reacted Relationships
Recipes for Relationships
Authentic Relationships
Coffee Shop Relationships

Part II: MEET THE NEEDS OF OTHERS AND WATCH YOUR NEEDS BE MET

The Art of Meeting Needs
Divine Connections
Trademarked Relationships
S.T.A.R. Relationships

PART III: THE DOMINO EFFECT – BEING A CONNECTOR

50 Cups of Coffee
Rev-Up Your Relationships
Wearing the Right Relationship
The Power of 5

PART IV: BUILDING A NETWORK OF SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Network Optimization
S.H.A.R.I.N.G. Relationships
Relationships without Expectations
How to Build Successful Relationships 16 Simple Lessons

PART V: BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS ON COMMON VALUES OR INTERESTS?

Rhythmic Relationships
Loved, Valued, and Powerful
Intentional Relationship Building
Culturing Relationships

Foreword

Jeanne Porter is an architect, with a special knack for connecting the dots of humanity. She is an expert at “reading”, not mundane words on a page, but the intricate etchings that build and balance each personality she greets. That’s what makes her an artisan of relationship building. She identifies strengths that you may not know you have, but after you are absorbed in her leadership, you rise to your potential. You become molded to what you never thought you could be, and your life has changed.

We all can detail someone in our lives who has been at some level, a mentor. However, it is rare to meet, and know someone like Jeanne, who shares the same amount of herself, not for reward or attention, but because she understands the importance of strengthening – by adding ingredients to an already existing recipe that might need extra a’ la Porter.

It is evident in each of these contributions, that Jeanne has had tremendous influence on the contributing writers. She could have simply written a book herself about herself, but again, she proves her life’s mission is to create larger connections among people. Jeanne’s purpose is to show us to not doubt we are all capable of doing great things, but we need each other to get there, and getting that encouragement is paramount.

This book teaches us, without connections, we can all get pulled into an abyss of doing too much and getting nothing done. We also learn, creating a web of camaraderie, gives us the knowledge that leads to successfully building the blocks of strong relationships. Chapter by chapter, each writer tells us how and what she has learned from a dynamic leader, and the lessons that bear witness to success.

Marsha Bonhart-Neilson 

Introduction

The air was thick, the temperatures were endlessly increasing, right along with my insecurities the day I nervously walked outside of the walls that I have always known – the life of a stay-at-home mom. As you will read about me here shortly, I have become the woman who I once admired. A woman of poise, generosity, and success.

It was 1983 in Phoenix, Arizona, when I found myself walking inside the Biltmore Hotel for a woman’s conference. My skin felt foreign to me, as awkwardness consumed me. With my chin held high, back straight, and shoulders back, I prayed that confidence is all the other women would see. I desperately wanted to avoid appearing as though I felt. As I entered the room, I was surrounded by “those” women; you know…the confident, secure, and determined type – dressed to impress, perfect hair, perfect make-up, and perfect poise. The type that makes a “newby” to the business world want to retreat.

It wasn’t long until I found myself captivated by the ambiance of the keynote speaker – Rita Davenport. She was no comparison to average speakers we often learn from – she was different. When Rita spoke she radiated a warm, but whimsical southern charm. It was with this, she was easily capable of pulling every woman into her message. Although, this many years later, I can’t remember the exact message, I will never forget the light-heartedness and warmth of it.  As I watched, listened, and learned from Rita that day, I remember sitting there saying to myself, “I want to be just like her someday.”  – Rita Davenport

As the conference began to disperse, I found my way to Rita, in order to express my gratitude for how she had touched my heart through her powerful message.  Little did I know, this encounter would be the beginning to one of the greatest mentorships.  One that would turn into a relationship to never be forgotten – a relationship that would shape me, grow me, and impact my life for success. Rita believed in people – she believed in me. She had a way of encouraging and empowering women to become who they were destined to be. Truth be told (until she reads this book), she probably doesn’t even realize the influence and impact she has had on my life.

“Success is not measured by the size of your bank account; rather it’s measured by the lives you impact.”
– Jeanne Porter

Although my mentorship began with Rita, it surely didn’t end with her. Because I understand the power of being teachable, I understand the need for mentorship. Mentoring someone goes beyond monetary success. I personally know people whose bank accounts may appear small, but their success remains large. Their success is measured by the significant life they lead. To be significant is to impact a life to such great extent, that one is able to overcome in order to become who they desire to be, because of your investment in their life. It means to elevate, encourage, and inspire one to be the best they can be – to be the person they were destined to be, with all insecurities set aside. It was those who took the time to be significant in my life, who left an impression on my heart, which would last all the years of my life. Significance goes beyond just teaching someone; it trickles into the heart of relationships.

As I am now blessed to be a mentor to others, there is nothing more rewarding to me, than promoting and contributing to other people’s dreams. I have watched many small business owners and entrepreneurs with great passion for their dream – passion that illuminates energy and excitement. For me to have the chance to empower this passion brings me the utmost joy and satisfaction. I encourage you to watch closely when you listen to someone who is expressing their passion to you. As you pay close attention, you will witness their eyes sparkle like a polished diamond, and their face light up like the sun on the brightest day. Passion is what will drive you to success. It brings out the best in us, whether it is something in our own lives, or helping someone else in life.

We can all find success in encouraging and elevating others. For the person who is taking that leap of faith, to step out into their journey of fulfilling their dreams – bringing their passion to life – more times than not, all they need is just one person to believe in them. Perhaps, you are that one person they are desperately seeking. Perhaps, you are the nudge they need, in order to take them to places they never thought they could go.

Through my journey I am learning:

• When you help others achieve what they desire, you will achieve your inner most desires.
• Those who often use the words “Me”, “My”, and “I” rarely reach their desired level of success.
• The key to building trust is being honest.
• When you’re willing to forego your own interests to help someone else, they know you are reliable.
• Relationships are your key to unlock the door to your success.
• The more allies you possess, the higher in success you will rise.
• Man, nor woman, was never meant to walk alone.
• Every person has an invisible sign around their neck that reads, “I want to feel important.”
• Everyone has something to offer this world, and it’s our responsibility to help them see it.
• Everyone is longing to hear the words, “I believe in you.”
• It is our responsibility to help others realize they are capable of more than they allow their minds to believe.
• When we place limitations on ourselves we get frustrated, lose belief in ourselves, and quit.
• It is important to believe that what we possess inside is all we need to step into greatness.
• All one must do to reach success is: Focus, Believe, and Take Action.

Jeanne Porter

“Mingle to Millions is a roadmap to developing the right mindset, in order to build solid relationships with others. Cami, not only, talks about the process of building relationships—she lives it. Cami and her work, clearly walk people through the process of implementing all the right actions at the right time. Don’t even think twice about picking this book up, wrapping your mind around it, and sharing it with others. Then, call Cami to tell her I say “Hello.” She loves meeting new people and would love to hear from you!”

Ron Sukenick
RonSukenick.com
Public Speaker, Trainer, and Coach
Best Selling Author – Relationship Strategies & LinkedIn Evangelist
National Expansion team for the Gold Star Referral Clubs

Foreword

Cami Baker is the genius mind we have all been waiting for. Full of energy, realness, and a relatable aura, Cami Baker squashes what we thought we knew about networking. Just like she states in this book, the more I know…the more I know I don’t know…and the more I know I need to know.”

For years, networking has haunted the likes of many. The dreaded handshakes, fake smiles, all about me attitudes, and energy nowhere to be found. Stuffy business men and women wrapped neatly in their business suits, pretending as though they have it all together. All the while, everyone is wishing they were somewhere else, and are racking their brain to make sense of it all. Hey, I understand, I too, have been there.

Well, not anymore! Cami Baker marches to the beat of her own drum. For some, that may be scary, but for people like me, she is what I have been waiting for. Someone with a vision and a passion to solve a problem, that is in desperate need of being solved. Cami Baker has taken what we have originally been taught and flipped it on its backside. Transforming the dreaded networking to creating a NetWeb.

That’s right my friend, Cami teaches us how to rid ourselves of the life sucking networking tactics. She brings innovative and enthusiastic techniques that are sure to gear you straight to elevated success. Forget the thirty-second elevator speech, the stack of business cards, and your tight gripped handshake; because it has been proven, time and again, not to work. This book is not your typical book that you read and walk away from. I encourage you to read, and then take action. What Cami Baker teaches is creating success for people like you and me, from all around the world.

yndee Hendricks

WHAT IS NETWEBBING?

Is your networking not working as great as you would like? In this book, you will see that I encourage you to stop networking, and instead create a NetWeb for net profit!

Networking does not work; because, in general, it is random activity. People are often taught networking techniques, that simply don’t work. In the end, many suck at it; yet, they don’t mean to. It’s simply that, many are great at building relationships with friends and family; but, when it comes to business it seems icky, weird, awkward, and uncomfortable.

People network without question, because they are told it’s what they should be doing. Those who despise it force themselves to do it, and oftentimes, those who actually enjoy it don’t fully understand, there is an art and science to building business relationships and mastering referrals.

This is where creating a NetWeb comes in.  NetWebbing is strategic, and a sophisticated way to set your intention through your mindset and actions, before an event. This then allows for you to pay attention to your actions, and the reactions of others during the event. Once you learn to  effectively  pay  attention,  you  will  create retention of the resources, relationships, and revenue that you truly desire.

The three pillars of this philosophy are: Intention, Attention, and Retention. To get a true understanding of the NetWebbing concept, we will go through each of these many times during the book. Just know, if you are introverted, it’s okay—I am also introverted at my core.  Being extroverted is a learned skill. Trust me, if I can do it, anyone can do it!  You will see from my story, that anyone can become skilled at the art and science of building relationships and mastering referrals.

In this book, you will learn, in detail, about networking sharks, and how they show up to events looking for their next victim to prey on. Also, you will learn about the skunks who spray their business cards out to everyone, and then pray someone hires them. Then you will learn about the squirrels, who collect business cards and then stash them away just in case they need them someday. You will see that, you more than likely, have been networking as a shark, a squirrel, and a skunk; but, I will teach you the wise ways of the spider through netwebbing. As you grow to understand netwebbing, and utilize the strategies, you will find that netwebbing is, not only fun, but, is also strategic, producing you the results you truly desire.

With NetWebbing, you are creating a synergy and a web of resources, relationships, and revenue through the strategies of the three pillars intention, attention, and retention.  When a spider creates a web, she is strategic, she is smart, and she is sophisticated in her planning.  She knows where to position herself to attract what she wants. She knows where to start each strand of her web, how to intertwine each connecting part so they are strong, and she knows why she is doing it.  And when her masterfully created web is completed, she simply sits back, relaxes, and waits for what she wants to come to her.  She puts forth much effort to create her web; yet, because, it is well thought out, both in placement and structure, once created, she simply maintains its connectivity and reaps the rewards of her efforts.

No matter what your thoughts were of a spider before this analogy, I invite you to look at the elegant, sophisticated, strategic, beautiful, and masterful way she works her magic.  I encourage you to ask yourself: Have I been acting as a shark, skunk, squirrel, or spider? More than likely, you have been acting as at least one of the four, or a combination of the first three. If you have not started networking at all yet, then be excited for what you are about to learn that will get you started on the right track. The bottom-line is, you have the choice of who you want to be seen as, and how you want to be received and perceived in your marketplace.  If you have been acting as a shark, skunk, or squirrel, don’t worry—I have personally have been a shark, a skunk, and a squirrel at one time in my life (and sometimes all three at once).

I am not proud of the relationships that I have ruined, never made at all, and the relationships that I never had the chance of taking to a higher level because of my sharkiness; but, I also don’t regret any of it. These experiences created my journey of growth, learning, and studying myself and others. As a result of my experiences at thousands of networking events: spraying and collecting cards, giving God forsaken thirty-second elevator pitches, and ultimately having the blessing of mentoring thousands of one-on-one clients and others  from  stages  worldwide, I have figured out what works and what doesn’t.

I offer to you…NetWebbing…a strategic way to create a web of resources, relationships, and revenue, through intention, attention, and retention. This way, you fully understand the art and science of building business relationships and mastering referrals.

PREFACE TO MY STORY

When I first became a networker (many years ago), I was, what I consider, a brand-new networker. I didn’t know where to go, who to talk to, what to say, how to start conversations, how to dress professionally, or how to follow up. I was a card collector, and not a business builder. I had the stacks of cards, and I’m going to guess that you do too.

As a beginner networker, I was really intimidated. I was overwhelmed thinking about going to networking events, because it was work. Right? It created anxiety. I just didn’t want to go. If you’re a beginner networker and you feel this way, believe me when I tell you, I know how you feel.

Now, there came a point in my networking life where I was a very active networker. Perhaps, you are at this stage, and are too, a very active networker. Maybe you go once, twice, or three times a week. Maybe you’re gathering all those cards, and you are a card collector. So, now, you have plenty of leads; but, maybe not as much business as you’d like to have. I too have been in that position before. I was doing a lot of networking, but not getting the benefits of it, that I felt I should have been getting. I was meeting a lot of people and made some friends, but wasn’t really making the money that I wanted to.

Or, you may be in the position where I am today. Perhaps, you are a professional networker. Now, a professional networker, from my perspective, is someone who, when they network, they not only build good relationships, but they actually follow up. I like to call it: Communicate, Conversate, and Collaborate to create Impact, Income, and Influence.

I’ve done years and years of networking, and literally, thousands of events. If it had a business card and a thirty-second elevator pitch as part of the routine, I was there. I’ve been there at six o’clock in the morning, at noon, late at night, and even when I had to leave my daughter with a babysitter and stay up later than normal. I have sat in rooms with two people, and rooms with 30,000 people. I’ve even been the one who was the speaker at events; again, some with two people and some with 30,000 people. As I said before, I’ve done a lot of networking, and over that time, I have found a lot of ways, you and I, can be more efficient and effective; which is why I wrote Mingle to Millions. It is my desire to share with you, the art of building better business relationships and mastering referrals.

However, I wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t always in a place where I was attracting business. I’ll teach you later in this book about the difference between sharking a room (which is chasing business and being aggressive), and fishing (one who attracts business). I was not always the person who was attracting business.

Contents

Foreword
What Is NetWEBBING?
Preface To My Story
My Story
Rising Towards Success
Introvert to Extrovert

PART 1: QUESTIONS

How Do I Find Events?
What Do You Mean: BE THE EVENT?
Why Don’t People Respond to Me?

PART 2:   COMMENTS AND MISCONCEPTIONS

Ditch the Pitch
Networking Online
Card Collector vs Business Builder
Cleaning Up The Wreckage
Networking Is Not A Place We Go

PART 3: CREATING A NETWEB

Mindset vs Skillset
Blue Marlins Are Not Found In Fish Bowls
Making Money While Making A Difference

PART 4: INTERVIEWS

Conversation with Ron Sukenick
Conversation with Diane Reynolds
Conversation with John Melton

PART 5: BONUS MATERIAL

In Closing
The Creed
Your Cheat Sheet
Cami Recommends

PART 6: VIDEOS (QR CODES)

Elena Rahrig interviews Cami Baker
Conversation with Transform Publishing
Interview with Ron Sukenick
Interview with Diane Reynolds
Interview with John Melton

Preface

Why was Create Your Dynasty: One Piece at a Time chosen as the title of this book? Ten years ago, I ventured out into the unknown on a journey that drastically transformed my life. As adversity hit me, I was knocked down and got back up countless times; each time reaching a new level of mindset, wealth, and dream achievement. In the last few years, after be-coming shattered beyond recognition, I thought my journey was meaningless, as I was a mere shell of my former self. Due to the mistakes and gambles I had made, I contemplated my options between leaving the country or ending it all.

Along my journey, I had met a man who would change my life forever. This man left his conventional job and established himself before the age of thirty. Through this man, I was introduced to many refined mentors; all of whom have had success in multiple areas. It was after I met these powerful players when I embarked on a journey to create my Dynasty to one day pass down to my successors, as he has done for me.

Walk with me through my journey, as I share with you the puzzle pieces you need to create your Dynasty. Some of the puzzle pieces I will share with you I already knew, but had to relearn, while others were fresh realizations. These realizations were delivered from men-tors, those whom I met in person, those whom I had only heard their voices from stage, and some were passed down from older generations. The realizations that were not delivered from others were delivered through self-reflection, learning the hard way, and from coaching others.

Foreword

As the Publisher of this book, I am pleased to bring you Create Your Dynasty: One Piece at a Time. If you have been beaten down by life circumstances, your choices, mistakes, or risks and are seeking inspiration, motivation, influence, or guidance, this book is for you. If you feel as though you have fought hard and traveled far, while overcoming physical and mental challenges, you will find much helpful wisdom on these pages. Perhaps you are tired of mind games, blown smoke, negative self-talk, and self-sabotage; if so, this book will provide you with clarity and peace of mind.

As you read Alex’s words of truth and certainty, you will experience his thoughts, beliefs, and pieces of himself. As one who teaches others how to write books, I teach Authors it is not their job to write; rather, it is their job to bleed onto the pages. Alex, a profound student, bleeds onto these pages as he expresses the importance of believing in yourself and how he too believes in you. More-over, he is proud of you for taking the time to invest in your wellbeing through the reading of this book.

Many people fail before they begin because they fail to begin. No matter your circumstances or how low you have fallen, you are not too far gone. You truly can accomplish anything you set your mind to; with proper work ethic, time, and consistency, of course.

As Alex pours his best wisdom into you, you will hear his voice saying, “I believe in you.” Listen carefully to his words and allow them to drown out the voices of self-doubt. When I read this book’s manuscript, I could hear the echoes of my memories. Even more, I could hear my loved ones’ encouraging words pulling me up to new heights of success.

While interviewing Alex about Create Your Dynasty, he stated, “Everyone I meet is a unique individual who has the perspective, personality, and ability that only they possess. They can truly accomplish anything they set their mind to. To those who have inner demons, I want them to know that no matter what wrong they have done, they are forgiven.” He went on to say, “Everyone can change his or her life at a moment’s notice, as long as he or she has the will to change. I want people to know by changing their thoughts and beliefs, they can have the life they want. They may not be able to clearly see the how to quite yet, but they can hold tight to Mahatma Gandhi’s quote, “I know a way out of hell.”

It is time to begin your journey, as you are shown you how to take the principles in this book to Create Your Dynasty.

Introduction

According to INC Magazine, in an article written by John Rampton, an Entrepreneur, and Investor, “a men-tor is a must.” In this article, he moves forward giving ten reasons why everyone who desires success should have a mentor. His ten reasons are quoted as follows.

• Mentors provide information and knowledge.
• Mentors can see where we need to improve, where we often cannot.
• Mentors find ways to stimulate our personal and professional growth.
• Mentors offer encouragement and help keep us going.
• Mentors are disciplinarians that create necessary boundaries that we cannot set for ourselves.
• Mentors are sounding boards so that we can bounce ideas off them for an unfiltered opinion.
• Mentors are trusted advisers.
• Mentors can be connectors.
• Mentors have the experiences you can learn from to prevent making the same mistakes beginners make.
• Mentors are free, which makes they are priceless in more ways than one.

Who I am today was shaped by many distinguished mentors. Tony was one of my mentors who had the largest impact on my life, and someone I would have never met had it not been for adversities, faith, friends, shots in the dark, and trust. Overall, Tony taught me how to create wealth through self-discovery. Moreover, he helped me to realize, although I was learning some hard lessons, I was not purposefully applying my discoveries.

The very book you are reading, right here, right now, began as journaling. Just as most people who journal, my immediate thoughts and plans were not to share my journal entries with anyone. However, the day came when I met Anthony, then by chance was introduced to Cami Baker, who then introduced me to my Publisher, Elena Rahrig. Through these three masterminds, what began as private entries, is now here to encourage, in-fluence, motivate, and inspire you to create your own Dynasty.

I refuse to promise you that creating your Dynasty will be a soft, easy path. Instead, throughout traveling your rocky road filled with many sharp turns, hold tight to the adage “where there is a will, there is a way.” I know, without a shadow-of-a-doubt, you can accomplish any-thing you set your mind to achieving. Yes, just as I had to, you will have to learn difficult lessons and apply your discoveries; but, when you do, you will create your Dynasty.

In this book, you will learn the principles that saved my life and created my Dynasty. These principles are from my mentor who retired as a multi-millionaire at the age of 28 and other mentors who will be mentioned throughout this book. As you read, you will gain insights through self-reflection and success through self-discovery. At the completion of you reading my once best-kept secrets, I am certain you will no longer be looking through the fog; rather, you will be sharing your own lightbulb moments with those who you have gone before.

Are you ready to learn all you must to create your Dynasty? Are you ready to live the life you truly desire? Are you ready to make your life happen, instead of allowing life to happen to you? As I am certain you have answered “yes” to those three questions, it is time to turn the page and begin your Dynasty journey.

Contents

Foreword
Introduction
Closing the Gaps
When Glory Rises from Ashes
Puzzle Pieces of Success
Enhancing Character
Igniting the World
Climbing to Success
Crisis to Crisis
Adapt
You’re Worth It
Step Into The Rain
Part II: Programming
Wasting Time
Dare to Dream
The Right Questions
Settling Justifications
Faint Whispers
Winners Make Corrections
Part III: Mindset & Momentum
Consistency is Key
Lament of the Fly
Self-Awareness
The Carrot
Part IV: Success Mentality
Seize Your Day
Delayed Gratification
Direction
Love
Opportunity
Patience
Secrets to Success
Final Thoughts
Final Note
Quotes
Book List
About the Author

“While in culinary school, I had the privilege of co-creating raw vegan comfort foods with Rhonda. Not only is her personality full of spice and laughter, but her creativity in the kitchen is brilliant. I’m thrilled that she is now generously sharing her recipe inventions and secrets so others can relish in more of the delicious possibilities that plant foods have to offer.”

Dr. Theresa Nicassio
Registered Psychologist, Radio Show Host, Gourmet Raw Food Chef, &
Award-Winning Author of YUM: Plant-Based Recipes for a Gluten-Free Diet

“Changing ones diet is perhaps one of the most challenging decisions an individual will make. Because food choices are so impactful on our wellness, it is vitally important to be taught creatively, so as to not feel denied, and informatively, to understand how and why. Rhonda marries the two of these talents well. Her nutritional knowledge along with her formulation of food and her attractive food display wins me over every time! I encourage all who seeks vibrancy and good health to sit in the kitchen with Chef Rhonda!”

Rosalind, from Phoenix, AZ

“Six years ago my husband and I started going to an Adventist Church. We hadn’t been going long, when we found out that we could take cooking lessons for better health. We learned there was a way of eating that contained no animal products. The church had Rhonda Byreis, a Raw Food Chef, present a class to help anyone interested in learning how to prepare meals that replaced all your favorite comfort foods with plant-based options that tasted even better than the diet full of cholesterol that was causing all kinds of disease. What a blessing that was for us. In the classes we went to, that Rhonda taught, we would always ask her when she would put all of her wonderful recipes together in a cookbook, so we could experiment at home and have her many helpful examples of ways to prepare these healthy meals. We love the fact that they taste even better than the fat laden way we used to eat; and our bodies have responded in a healthy way too. Our check-ups at our annual doctor visits are proof of lifestyle change due to diet. Thank you Rhonda!”

Debee and Allen King

“Comfort Foods Vegan Style, by Chef Rhonda Beyreis, is a response to a growing interest and demand for healthy eating. Rhonda has brought her perspective that so easily accomplishes that! Her book is very user friendly, with QR Codes to show us how to cook her recipes.”

Cleophas C. Mims

I live in Phoenix, Arizona, where I have spent the better part of the last 34 years. I currently live on a 2-acre Ranch with my husband Jim, three dogs, and two horses. We will soon be moving to our 500-acre Ranch, where the seasons change, the water is pure, and the food is home grown.

Growing up on a farm as the daughter of a sought after large animal Veterinarian, my father ran several hog farms in Canada and America. It never really dawned on me that these penned animals were being fed to be food on our table. As I grew older, much older, I realized the cruelty that was being afflicted on the animals by workers who had no heart for the animals; and the money was more important than the consumer. So, as I dug deeper into the world of factory farming and speaking to my father, we both realized things have really changed. The greed of the industry and the disregard of the health, of both animals and consumers, has taken over the food chain industry. Animal consumption is on the rise, as-well-as all the antibiotics and hormones used to keep up with the demand.

How long the packages of food are actually in transit from the farm to the table really is a mystery; as is meat glue, bleach, and other unhealthy substances that have been approved by the FDA to keep the factory farm business alive. More people are getting auto immune diseases than ever before. Atherosclerosis, the building of the fats, cholesterol, and other substances in and on the artery wall, Heart disease, and Cancer are all on an all-time rise.

I love a good Burgers, BBQ, and Mac-n-Cheese like anybody else! Therefore, my passion has been to recreate my favorite foods to vegetarian, then to vegan, as best as I can. We eat with our eyes first; therefore, the food must look good, smell good, feel good, and taste good. Flavor balancing and texture are my specialties, along with presentation. I believe the age we are living in has surpassed the quality of food of yester-year.

Remember those tantalizing smells gently drifting through the air from those favorite foods your Mom would make on special occasions when you were growing up? Chef Rhonda has taken the classic comfort foods of her childhood and has given them a healthy facelift! In her premier cookbook, Comfort Foods Vegan Style, Rhonda has shared with us her favorite recipes. Along with the printed recipes and photos, there are QR codes, which you can scan and watch Chef Rhonda actually make each recipe.

I am honored to write this Foreword for my friend and colleague. I have known her for quite a few years; and from the very first year, I instantly felt the passion each of us had for preparing delicious meals. Several years later we ended up attending the same culinary school, Living Light Culinary Institute, where we delved into the raw food world. We feel that Living Light Culinary Institute made a significant contribution to our education in becoming professional Chefs and Health Educators.

The general philosophy of this book is based on the simple joys and inherent goodness of eating wholesome, delicious food. With Comfort Foods Vegan Style, Rhonda shows the novice and advanced vegan cooks just how simple it can be to create delicious, cruelty-free creations in the kitchen, with readily available ingredients. I promise, you will be inspired to learn more, and more. Comfort Foods Vegan Style educates cooks about the delicious plant-based sources of protein, calcium, and other minerals; all the while having fun in the kitchen!

Hippocrates was an ancient Greek physician who is considered to be The Father of Western Medicine. Over two thousand years ago, he told his patents, “Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food.”

Healthy food is powerful medicine!
Bon Appetit!

Contents

Taco Seasoning
Jerk Seasoning
Chick-N-Style Seasoning
Beef Style Seasoning
Sweet Red Bell Pepper Powder
Papaya Pepper
Dijon Dill Mustard
Ketchup
Vegan Mayo
Almond Milk
Raw Cheddar Cheese Sauce
Vegan Cheddar Cheese
Probiotic Macadamia Sunflower Nut Cheese
Raw Parmesan
Tofu Feta
Gorgonzola
Cream Cheese
Granola
Italian Crackers
Olive Onion Dill Raw Crackers
Raw Camelina Corn Crackers
Pecan Pumpkin Pate
Mango Salsa
Pico D Gallo
Scrumptious Truffle Popcorn
Rejuvelac & Rejuvelac Elixir
Raw Tomato Soup
Not Chicken, Chicken Soup
Pasta Figoli Soup
Rhonda’s Kale Salad
Orzo Salad
German Potato Salad
Tofu Eggless Salad
Cabbage Kraut
Jackfruit Pulled Pork
Sundried Tomato Oat-Burgers
Tofu Scrambler
Spring Wraps
Spicy Festive Brussel Sprouts
Rice Paper Bakon
Coconut Bakon
Vegan Carrot Hot Dogs
Mac-N-Chez
Tamale Pie
Raw Taco Meat
Korean Bar-B-Que
Yankee Pot Roast
Pho
Baked Chic-N-Wings
Watermelon Cake
Blood Orange Chocolate Cake
Coconut Pineapple Mango Chia Pudding
Coconut-Cashew Cream
Chocolate Mousse
Fig & Coconut Brownies
Choco-Cherry Turtles
Red, White & Blue Cake
Sweet-N-Salty Chocolate Coconut Cookies (No Bake)

Prologue

 I am going to tell you a story about fairies. But not just about any ordinary fairy, rather about an extraordinary fairy. You see, most fairies are born from a baby’s first laugh, but not this fairy. This fairy was special. For she was born from a child’s first tear. She had the ability to truly understand what it meant to love from the depths of her soul. A fairy that knew joy, but also knew sadness to which no other fairy had experienced. Strange you say? Well yes, strange indeed. Do not fret quite yet, allow me to start from the very beginning in order for you to better understand.

Once upon a time in a land without magic, a human world, there was a baby girl named, Josephine. This little girl was no ordinary baby; in fact, most people considered her to be the most beautiful sight one could behold. Blonde hair delicately graced her little head, and her eyelashes looked just like tiny fairy wings.

Her beauty enchanted all; yet it was her big, green eyes that were the most captivating of her features. They were eyes that had seen the world, and understood the depths and mysteries of life. While this was spellbinding, it was also unsettling to most people. Though only a baby, she seemed to have lived a hundred years. “Magical”, people whispered, but dared to not speak it out loud. For by speaking that word openly one could be cursed to a life of solitude, forever known as crazy.

Josephine’s eyes weren’t the only magical thing about her. At only a few days old, she had yet to experience any emotions of sadness or glee. Josephine simply studied the world as it passed her by, not finding a need for such emotions. Her parents greatly fretted over what they considered to be the greatest tragedy yet! They took her to the doctor, yet all failed to come up with any explanation. “Count your blessings. Most parents would give anything to not have their babies cry,” they all said. As time began to pass, her parents did just that.

Josephine was seven years old when her parents brought home a new little bundle. Her mother set it down in a crib and unwrapped it. Josephine stood on her tiptoes in order to see this strange surprise. Shock overtook her, as she realized this small bundle was a baby! “Say hello to your new sister! Her name is Isabelle,” said her mother. Josephine looked down upon her with a great uncertainty, but in that moment baby Isabelle began to cry. The parents quickly rushed to her side, shooing Josephine away. She tried to swallow her hurt as she took to her room. Shutting her bedroom door, Josephine felt overcome by all the emotions this new baby had caused her to feel. Day slowly turned to night without either parent checking in on Josephine. So, she continued to stay in her room, pondering the changes this new baby had brought into her life.

Much later that night, she found herself dozing off to sleep when she heard a cry once more. She held her breath awaiting her parents’ rush toward her little sister. Yet no one came. Isabelle’s pathetic cries seemed to call out to Josephine, as if begging for her to come. Hesitantly, she slipped out of bed and tiptoed to her sister’s nursery. As she approached, Isabelle’s cries became more urgent causing Josephine to race to her side. Since she couldn’t see over the crib, she began to climb inside it. As she laid eyes upon Isabelle, Josephine felt her heart softening. “Shh, shh, little sister. No need to cry any longer. I am here now,” she said as she cupped Isabelle’s face with her hands. “I promise to always be here.” Josephine laid beside Isabelle and held onto her tightly. As the baby’s cries subsided, she knew she would always be there for her little sister no matter the cost. Feeling overwhelmed with a sense of love for Isabelle, Josephine felt something change inside her. She knew this was why she was born, to always protect her little sister. As Josephine watched Isabelle fall asleep, she noticed something fall from her own cheek to the blanket below. Reaching up to her face, her hand met with something wet. Wonder overtook her as she realized love created her first tear.

At that very moment, far away in a magical world, that one tear of love caused a special fairy to be instantly born from the dew drop of a lily. Her name was Elizabeth. She was unlike any other fairy because she was born to protect – and would one day be known throughout the fairy kingdom as the Warrior of the Heart.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments
Prologue
Chapter 1: The Fox’s Hole
Chapter 2: A Savior
Chapter 3: The Loss
Chapter 4: The Escape
Chapter 5: Never Alone
Chapter 6: Bara
Chapter 7: The Waterfall
Chapter 8: The Attack
Chapter 9: The Choice
Chapter 10: Abaddon
Chapter 11: The Library
Chapter 12: The Lesson of the Beavers
Chapter 13: The Bow and Arrows
Chapter 14: The Disappointments
Chapter 15: Time Has Run Short
Chapter 16: Redemption
Chapter 17: Asterum
Chapter 18: The Flight into the Night
Chapter 19: Underground
Chapter 20: The Goodbye
Chapter 21: A New Day
Chapter 22: A Time of Healing
The Inspiration Behind, The Warrior’s Heart

CONTENTS

Introduction
Understanding the  Value of Your House
Are You Ready to Sell Your House?
Finding Your House’s Secret Sauce
Steps to Showcasing Your House
Cleaning Up and Clearing  Out the House
Staging Your House
Twelve Staging Tips
Turning Upgrades into Return on Investment (ROI)
Minimum Basic Standards
Glamour Lighting
Six Quick Fixes to Improve Lighting
Maximizing Storage Space
Let Your Photographs Tell Your Story
Your House Everywhere
Marketing to Sell
Eight Pricing Strategy Tips
Common Mistakes Sellers Make
How a Real Estate Agent  Helps You Sell Your House
Buyers + Sellers = Negotiation
Just Breathe, Everything Will Be Okay
Hiring Me as Your Real Estate Agent
In Closing

In Closing

I hope you have found value and enjoyed reading this little book on how to sell your house. Within the pages here, I have shared with you what I consider to be the essential principles for selling your house with the least amount of stress possible. Relocating is a huge process with hundreds of intricacies requiring knowledge, patience, preparation, and constant follow-up.

Contact me today so that I can answer your questions. My goal is to be the best Realtor® you have ever met and worked with! When you are ready to get more information about the value of your house, I will be here for you. I look forward to chatting with you over the phone, in the convenience of your home, or in my office.

Foreword

There is no convenient time to get Cancer. Unfortunately, it affects many people in our country. Breast Cancer affects one in eight women of average risk and one in one thousand men. It often shows up in the moments that we face other crises.

Lyn-Dee Eldridge shows how a positive attitude, focusing on her health, and showing appreciation for those around her helped her succeed in her fight against Breast Cancer while putting out other fires around her.

Lyn-Dee maintained a positive attitude and energy during an extensive workup for her Cancer. She participated in many wellness support groups that we have for patients. Her positive energy was contagious as she comforted other patients who were distressed about their diagnosis.

Lyn-Dee’s joy is infectious. We all need more laughter during times of stress. She showed my colleagues, staff, patients, and I that sometimes just smiling through a rough day and finding the silver lining in a cloud can help keep one’s mind clear and focused. With this mindset, coping and getting through life’s stressors becomes easier.

Dr. Roshani R. Patel, MD, FACS

Introduction

You Are Stronger Than You Think

On September 26th, 2017, I heard the dreaded words, “You have Breast Cancer!” Thank God I live a happy life with a purpose-driven mindset. Once I accepted and understood that everything happens to us for a reason, I began dealing with life stronger and happier. This applies to everything that goes on in my life and around my life.

In this book I’m going to take you through my journey from the moment I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer, all the way through until my one-year follow-up (checkup) on Oct. 25^th, 2018. You will read about how I happily kicked Cancer’s butt with an uplifting, upbeat, and positive attitude.

Through my experience, you will learn how to apply the Laws of:

• Time Management
• Choice
• Acceptance
• Forgiveness
• Attraction
• Flexibility
• Self-Resilience
• Self-Control
• Emotional Control
• Pausing & Responding
• Response vs. Reaction
• Manifesting
• Communication
• Finances
• Journaling

The moment you are told, “You have cancer!” you begin a numbing, paralyzing feeling of denial, as you ask yourself the following. What just happened? What did the Doctor just say to me? No way! Really? However, you can turn it around by asking yourself, What is the purpose? From the moment I asked myself that question, everything changed. I have never said, and will never say life was easy, but I will say you can be happier. You were born to shine! Hold your own flashlight!

Foreword
Introduction
Before Cancer
My Annual Checkup
Facts About Mammograms
Sharing the News
Breast Biopsy
The Law of Choice and Pause
Confirmation Biopsy Test Results Are In
Road Trip
Facing Breast Cancer  Face to Face
Going About My Business
Learning How to Eat Healthily
Pre-op for Surgery
It’s My 57th Birthday
The Day Before Surgery
The Day of Surgery Has Arrived
Going Home
The Follow-Up
Karate Classes
Preparation for  Radiation Therapy
The Five Year Once-a-Day Pill
Life Goes On
Six Month Checkup
My Life Back on Track
One Year  Breast Cancer Checkup
Contributing Author
Male Breast Cancer
In Closing
WORKBOOK PAGES
The Law of Preparation
The Law of Forgiveness
The Law of Gratitude
The Law of Time Management
The Law of Emotional  Self-Control
The Law of Self
The Law of Manifesting
The Law of Attraction
The Law of Flexibility
The Law of Communication
Journaling Your Journey

PREFACE

On December 1^st of 2018, I decided how I wanted to end the year and step into 2019. I realized I wanted to read the word of God each day as I ponder the scripture and write a thought in order to gain comfort in a place of rest.

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Psalms 91:1

When we begin to plan our lives, there is one part of life that is completely left out. Death. It has a way of blind-siding us to the point we become frozen in our own thoughts. When my mother passed suddenly it jolted me. Although I was moving, I wasn’t able to grasp in my mind all that was taken from me so abruptly. I became inconsistent with my prayers and tried to stay focused, but most tasks were overwhelming…I felt like the walking dead. The only consistent part of life had been finding special moments to spend with God. He knew everything before I called out to Him. Even the times I called to Him with tears while shaking my head and thinking, please God help me make it through this moment.

What I had to do was rest in Him knowing that those times were similar to King David’s thoughts when he wrote Psalms 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lay down in green pastures;  He leads me be-side still waters, He restores my soul; He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anoints my head with oil, my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

It was these moments with God when I could rest in assurance that He has me in the palm of His hand and He won’t let me fall as He gives me the courage and strength to not quit. There may be times that you’ve felt like you can’t speak out; and when you do speak, you’re not  being heard. However, know this: people may come and go, but there is one consistent person you have…God. He never leaves you, nor forsakes you in your times of great need. In those times of desperation and uncertainty you have a hiding place in God; a place where you can utter your deepest inner thoughts while knowing you can cast your cares on Him. He cares for you, and what concerns you concerns Him.

This 31 day devotional, Secret Moments, is to take you by the hand, day-by-day, with a scripture and a thought to ponder; along with space to write down your personal thoughts and prayers. This will help you to keep your mind and heart focused as God speaks to you in your quiet time with Him. You will also gain rest and  renewed strength in giving Him the first fruit of each day—your time. I urge you to sit and settle into His presence, while remaining still to inhabit his love, peace, and joy that is only found by abiding under His wings of comfort.

Contents

PREFACE
OPPORTUNITY
YIELD YOUR PLANS
TRUST GOD
THE GOODNESS OF GOD
POSITIVE MINDSET
SPEAK YOUR DESTINY
SPEAK LIFE
HANDLE YOUR CONCERNS WITH PRAISE
PRAISE HIM
REST IN GOD’S STRENGTH
STAND STRONG
ENDURANCE IS KEY
EQUIPPED TO STAND
RESISTANCE WILL HAPPEN
PERFECT LOVE
LEND AN EAR & OPEN HEART
OBSERVER OR SERVER
MIND BALANCE
WHAT’S YOUR RESPONSE
HEALING
MEDITATE
SHOUT YOUR PRAISE
PRAISE HIM IN DANCE
PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE
JOY
COMMITMENT
BRIGHTER DAYS ARE YET TO COME
DO YOUR PART
VISION
HONEST EVALUATION
DON’T BE ANXIOUS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

INTRODUCTION

If you are into personal development, you would have heard the thought leaders of today’s time teach, “Look towards the future and leave your past in the past.” Goal setting, planning, and strategy is at the forefront of most people’s minds. The world spins in speedy chaos as everyone seems to strive to reach their next level.

Although there are benefits to goal setting, planning, and strategy, it is essential to remember your past. Oftentimes, the past doesn’t creep into one’s soul until they find themselves lying in a nursing home all alone, awaiting an infrequent visitor.

As you read this book, I am going to take you back in time, to the time between the 30’s and the 60’s. As we go back in time together, we will walk the glory days, smell the flowers in Grandpa’s garden, and reminisce about the days we felt the safest and happiest. Yes, some of my less desirable memories will be addressed; but, only for the sake of the story in its entirety.

I know we all have a story to tell; so, why do I tell mine? What makes mine worthy of such cause? The truth is, your story is just as worthy as mine, and I encourage you to also share it. Take some time during your life to leave your legacy, walking us through the best of your era.

I have found through sharing my story, my kids and grandkids get to officially meet me—dad and grandpa. It is profound to the senses to be privileged to have a portion of one’s life. When we share our story, we welcome others into our life before they entered it; and this is what ultimately bridges the gap from one generation to the next.

It is with these thoughts I lead you into my story of Grandpa’s Garden, where I took time to smell the roses, ate from Grandma’s table, inhaled the love of my life, and was raised into the gentleman I am today.

So, are you ready? Are you ready to open your senses and expand your experiences? Are you ready to allow your heart to be touched and your soul to be scorched with love? If you are ready to walk through Grandpa’s garden with me, then it is time to lick your finger and turn the page.

Contents

Foreword
Introduction
Grape Stains
Be Seen, Not Heard
The Grand Old Home
The Park
The Wonder Years
The Lake Life
The Productive Years
The Miserable Years
Our Garden

What Others Are Saying About Syndee Hendricks and This Book

Audacious goal setting has been around for some time. What makes Goal For It: 30 Paths to Imagine More Success, a goal setting quick-read, stand apart and above is Syndee’s use of storytelling by motivated high achievers like you and me. Within each shared story the reader is gifted with multiple ideas to achieve their own goals.

Karen Sands, MCC, BCC
Leading GeroFuturist and renowned thought leader on the Longevity Economy and The Ageless Way. An ICF-Certified Master Coach, CCE-Board Certified Master Coach, TED Fellow Support Coach, firecracker speaker, and Amazon #1 Best Seller author of 11 books

Goal For It has inspiration and ideas for everyone. Most self-help books come from one perspective and can’t speak or enlighten all who read it. This anthology of multiple theories on how to achieve goals has something for any age or background. I recommend it for those who have those aspirations.

Laurel Speier,
Speier Enterprises

 The title, 30 Paths to Imagine More Success, is like a menu from the ice cream shop. On any given day, I can open the book and find a path. There is an ample opportunity to change up my strategy, my implementation, and my action, and put new life back into my goals. Think of this book as compounding interest rates—the more you use it the more you will gain in your success…which in turn will yield more success.

Christina Tama-Sweet

This book gives direct, easy-to-follow instructions on setting goals for beginners, and everyone else. It teaches how to manifest our greatest desires. The methods are succinct and clear, making an overwhelming concept do-able. These nuggets of gold are priceless, as you follow them to success. It has taught me to live in integrity, as I started my first business; and that simple advice has become an unexpected anchor in my life ever since. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and many talents with us!

Cindy Brogdon
Columbus, Ohio
Calgary, Alberta Canada

FOREWORD

I have had the pleasure of working with Syndee Hendricks on a pilot group program currently called the Conference-2-Conference Accountability Program for eWomenNetwork. Our goal is to follow the progress of people from one conference to the next over the course of one year to see how the conference impacted their lives professionally and/or personally. The pilot program was free to the participants as we developed the program and determined its value.

Syndee was one of three eWomenNetwork Premier Success Coaches who each volunteered to be the accountability partner for five of the fifteen participants. They hosted monthly calls and served as guides and support systems to help the participants create and manage their goals and hold them accountable for achieving those goals. Each participant was also allowed to have two free private coaching sessions with their assigned Coach. At the end of the program, the participants are highlighted at the annual conference and given a certificate of achievement in front of the entire conference attendees.

We had no real processes in place at the start of the program. Since the coaches were volunteering their time, our intention was to allow each coach to manage their group in whatever manner was convenient for them. However, given Syndee’s background in project development and management, she suggested we systemize our process for managing the participants’ goal-setting and accomplishments to keep it fair and consistent for everyone involved.

Within minutes of Syndee’s recommendation, she whipped up forms for each coach to use along with their participants with a plan on how to implement them. Syndee has created more processes throughout the program to help support and improve on it. She is never short on ideas and enthusiasm to take the program to the next level. By most measures, this program is a success. The participants received an accountability partner and support to help them develop and achieve goals they set for themselves. One of Syndee’s participants is accomplishing her goal of writing a book, which she gives credit to Syndee and the program for helping her achieve that dream.

I have learned through this process that Syndee is the one you turn to if you want anything done quickly, efficiently and with quality. She is currently instrumental in helping us develop the next stage of our C2C program, which will provide affordable accountability and coaching partners for those entrepreneurs who have big dreams on tight budgets. It will also provide new revenue opportunities for our Premier Success Coaches who want to participate.

eWomenNetwork offers many programs to help women entrepreneurs succeed. With Syndee’s never-ending ideas for creating, systemizing, and managing this new program, we are able to provide one more spoke in our success wheel to achieve our goal of being the number one resource for women entrepreneurs. Syndee is the go-to person to get anything done. The title of this book, Goal For It: 30 Paths to Imagine More Success, is perfectly fitting, since that is exactly what Syndee does for herself and all of those she serves.

Phyllis Smith
Content Manager, eWomenNetwork
Program Director, eWN Podcast Network

INTRODUCTION

There is one question people who meet me always ask: “How do you accomplish so much?” I’m certain that part of it is that they are intrigued because I don’t speak exceptionally fast, I don’t move quickly, and I have always been a generously built woman since age 12. In fact, when I was in middle management, I worked with a woman who was very hyper, moved very quickly, and spoke even faster. We split the duties of a huge day-long project. I gave her first choice of staff, workload, etc. When I finished my half of the project before she did, she was furious! I just smiled as I have gotten that reaction my entire life. Still do.

My purpose for writing this anthology book is to help people achieve their goals by being able to relate to and be motivated by one of more of the multiple authors in the book. I’ve been working with people in my career for decades to achieve goals. I’ve recently been developing a Goal Achievement Program with a multimillion-dollar business this year-goal achievement is definitely in my wheelhouse. What I have learned over my career is that people learn differently and have higher level results by learning from different people who they can relate to.

After I hired Transform Publishing to work with me on this book, the idea popped into my head to not only have multiple authors write chapters for the book, but also to find them in all the societal generations! Note that many references show different dates within a few years for most of the generations, and different names for the older two generations. They are listed below:

Age 116 – 91 GI Gen (1901 – 1926)
Age  90 – 72 Mature or Silent (1927 – 1945)
Age  53 – 71 Boomers (1946 – 1964)
Age  37 – 52 Gen X (1965 – 1980)
Age  36 – 17 Gen Y Millennials (1979 – 2000)
Age  16 –   0 Gen Z Boom-lets after 2001 (tweens & toddlers)

Now to answer the burning question: How do I accomplish so much? In-a-nutshell, here is the simple answer: Focused determination. It would be so wonderful if it was that simple for everyone, wouldn’t it? Though that is a top priority for achieving goals, there are so many other components that are critical for those who don’t have those tools in their wheelhouse to use. When even one of those items is not present, it totally throws a wrench in the accomplishment arena!

Goal For It: 30 Paths to Imagine More Success is filled with multiple authors from many different generations, geographic locations and business arenas of life who are going to share with you how they achieve goals. Everyone needs to gain more tools in their toolbox, or at the very minimum, sharpen the tools they have. My hope is that you will glean nuggets from them and relate to at least one so that you can sharpen your tools and build your wheelhouse of goal achievement.

Foreword

When people have experienced life – the great moments, the wonder of all that is good, the high highs and the low lows, the hardships, setbacks, and delayed dreams, as we all have, but have continued to find refuge, comfort, and strength to endure by purposefully going into the presence of our God who is good all the time, they now have a platform from which to sow into others’ lives.

That is the case of Jenn Ray had the privilege to work alongside her as her Pastoral Care Pastor as she led us into the presence of God with her gift of worship.  I have seen her “having done all, stand” on the Word of God.

In this Devotional, you will find words written from a place of “knowing by experience,” which is different from just having head knowledge. Anybody can quote the Word of God, but when you have experienced the Word for yourself, you speak with greater clarity, more depth and revelation.

I believe you will be inspired by these devotions to continue on and not grow weary.  I believe that by these devotions you will taste and see that the Lord is good.

I believe your hope will be restored, the joy of the Lord will be your strength, and a merry heart will do you good like a medicine, as you enjoy your private time in fellowship with the God who loves you so completely that He engraved you on the palms of His hands so you would ever be before His face.

Enjoy your time in His presence, linger a few minutes longer, and allow yourself the time needed for Him to be the lover of your soul as you day by day “devote” yourself to Him.

Pastor Terri Vonderau
Pastoral Care Pastor
Cornerstone Harvest Church
Lima, OH

As I think about what to write in the introduction for this devotional, I realize that the reason it’s difficult is because I never imagined that it would be a devotional. This 30-Day Faith Challenge started out with me being obedient to believe God to restore a relationship that had been severed horribly, and a few friends who also wanted to see God move mightily in their lives. As the challenge came to a close, I was able to see just how many lives could be transformed by me being transparent with its contents. For that reason, the 30-Day Faith Challenge Devotional was conceived.

My greatest desire is that as you read each day’s devotion, you will be encouraged to continue; that you will not give up, cave in or quit tapping into the promises of God for your life. Take this challenge one day at a time. I left space for you on each page to allow you time to write your feelings, thoughts, and the events that happen along the journey. Take advantage of the opportunity to use these spaces to journal.

As you begin this challenge, my prayer is that God strengthens you for the journey. I pray that His grace, His ability be upon you to continue when you feel like giving up. Most of all, I pray that you would know and believe the love that God has towards you, which is the foundation for faith in every promise He has made to us.

I want you, the reader, to understand that this 30-Day Faith Challenge is not a guarantee that in 30 days everything that you trust in God for will be manifested, or that your situation will be fixed. The 30-Day Faith Challenge is just that – a challenge for you to be faithful; full of faith. It is a tool to help you stand on the promise of God. If you stand on a promise from the Word of God, you will win! All the promises of God are “yes” and “amen!” Stand and believe for 30 days, then keep standing. Never give up until you see the promise of God manifested in your life!

I’m excited to take this journey together. The next 30 days will be filled with the Glory of God as well as challenges and some opposition. Just know that we always win through Christ if we fight!! Here’s how to get started:

1. Figure out the one thing that you will trust God to provide for you
2. Find a promise in the Bible to meet that need
3. Meditate on and memorize that promise

Final Note

Thank you for completing the 30-Day Faith Challenge. I hope it has made you stronger, wiser and better able to believe in God’s promises. I also hope that you experienced a His presence like never before!

Where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there is freedom. It is my desire for you to experience freedom through Christ like never before in your life, in your relationships, your finances, health, and every other area. If the message you received from this book stirred up a desire to begin a life changing, passionate relationship with Christ, I encourage you to stop what you are doing right now, and repeat after me:

Dear Jesus, I want to know You. I want to build a relationship with You. I believe You are God’s son, and that You died so I could be free from sin, all because You love me so much. Right now, I invite You into my life and my heart to be my Lord, Savior, Lover, and Friend. I receive Your love today, and I want to love You back. Help me to know You better every day. In Your name I pray, Amen.

I am delighted that you have made the most important decision you will ever make. Please know there is a host of Angels celebrating you right now!

If you believe this book will be a blessing to others, be sure to order a copy for a friend or for others in your family. You can order by CLICKING HERE.

Also, be sure to visit www.WorshippersMakeBetterLovers.com to sign up to receive updates and information about our upcoming events and programs, as well as special offers.

Worshippers Make Better Lovers is not only a book, but also training for you. When you visit my website, y0ou will see I have utilized the content of this book to create a coaching program for worship teams. In addition, I have developed a curriculum for groups and congregations. I would love the opportunity to coach your worship team and/or to minister to your group or congregation.

A big portion of Worshippers Make Better Lovers includes our upcoming retreats. Stay tuned for information about the: Worshippers Make Better Lovers Sizzle Retreat for husbands and their wives, and the Worshippers Make Better Lovers Suitable Singles retreat for single ladies.

It is my life’s purpose to see you healed, free and restored in your worship, life, relationships, and marriage. If you are experiencing a challenging season, please do not hesitate to contact us at:        WorshippersMakeBetterLovers@gmail.com

We are here to offer you support, help, and empowerment. There are various methods we have to offer you, including:

Coffee Talk

A 75 minute, one-on one empowerment session, where you can freely express the challenges you are facing, and where I offer you my expertise on the matter.

Personal Needs Assessment

We come together to identify your needs in life or in love; then we formulate a plan for success. As you can see, Worshippers Make Better Lovers is making successful strides to help you live your best life—a life full of freedom, where you can walk confidently and boldly into your destiny without fear. Your relationships and restoration are our greatest aspirations and we will not rest until we see the lives of others, just like you, transformed.

What Others Are Saying About Holly Porter and This Book

“The questions in this book are insightful, and the responses are riveting. The 30/30 Rules is a must-read book for anyone who is contemplating how to be adept as an adult.  This book would have been a treasure to own when I was entering the decade of my twenties.  Having an opportunity to hear the voice of thirty women, who admit what the decade of their twenties was really like, and what they learned along the way.”

Rhonda Cimorelli
Owner – A Balanced Life For You, LLC

“To the brilliant women of the The 30/30 Rules: What I Wish I Knew in My 20s By 30 Women in Their 30’s…the abundance has just been unleashed. The 40/40 Rules: Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40, was an absolute, life changing, expansive, ever evolving experience. It was an honor to be amongst 39 amazing brilliant women, and to know that your thoughts and experiences may change someone else’s life for the better, is beyond rewarding. I always wanted to be a published author and now I can say “I am.” “Thank You Holly Porter”, for sharing your visions and bringing them to life!”

Dr. Heather Pearman

 “This book was enlightening in that it has taught me how successful women overcame their struggle. Many times, it was not just them, but a team that brought on their success. It is a great read for anyone wanting to see how their future-self would communicate if they could! The best part was the daily practices each of these women had, whether it be journaling or seeking spiritual guidance.”

Suja Johnkutty
To Your Well Being,
Suja Johnkutty, MD CHPC (Certified High-Performance Coach)

 “The 30/30 Rules presents thirty women in our thirties who have soared, glided, stumbled, scrambled, and scraped our way through our twenties.  Inside these pages, we vulnerably answer questions sharing how we each made our own unique journey to successfully arrive to our thirties.  Having been everything from a tennis and basketball coach, to makeup artist, to furniture salesperson, to realtor, to health club owner, to author, to CEO, to wife, to mother, and more (and the other 29 women with their unique backgrounds and experiences), you are sure to identify with an aspect of our lives to help you in yours.  As a thirty-something-year old, I read The 40/40 Rules and gained wisdom and insight from the women in that book, and was able to identify with them and be comforted by the words they each shared. It is my hope this book will show you that everything you have done, been through, will do, and will go through is OK. You are ok. You are, in fact, more than that! You are worthwhile! You are worth it! YOU are worthy! Even when you do not feel like it, you are! Be strong and courageous! We all have a different journey, and each journey is unique! Your journey is uniquely beautifully YOURS! Embrace it!”

Ashley Howard Nelson

 “It is a beautiful thing when women embrace and encourage one another. When we share our stories to enlighten another generation, it is even sweeter. That’s what you will find in the pages of the 30/30 Rules. As an author in the 40/40 Rules, I know the heart and wisdom that goes into these books. The insights are heartfelt. You may find yourself laughing, crying, or both as you turn the pages in this magnificent book. Ladies, you won’t want to miss this one!”

Laura Hayford
ACC Coach at Lives Enriched

“This book guides you through the experiences of women in their thirties who have gone there, and done that—no matter what…whatever it takes. They have done what many have attempted to do, and what only a few have achieved. Don’t just read this book, share it, re-read it, study it, and master your own life.”

Brigitta Hoeferle

FOREWORD

Thirty, yes, thirty wise women offer their ideas and experiences about questions many of us face, as we try to conquer life’s challenges. Holly Porter has innately responded to the many people (and their unique personalities), she has met over the years. Her career choices and volunteer opportunities have allowed her to get to know, and acquire knowledge herself, from many others. She has become the “glue” in my life—a friend to turn to when my thoughts are all jumbled up, because my head is so full of life’s question and indecisions.

She found that although we are each unique individuals, most all women are faced with many of the same questions as we travel through those challenges. What is her answer to each of our individual problems? Give everyone the answers to how other women have handled these same (or very similar), situations. Moreover, caring and sharing became the overall answer, and The 30/30 Rules was born.

How many of you have woken up in the middle of the night, with questions in your head about something that you just couldn’t settle in your life? Worse yet, you couldn’t get to sleep because you had unresolved issues on your mind. This book will allow you to consider suggestions and ideas thirty other women have used to resolve their issues.

This book will be an unforgettable guide to help you resolve problems you may not have faced before. The help and wisdom you will garner from this book will be invaluable to you. Think of just one of these women offering a useful suggestion you will use. Then, think of another wise woman’s offered experience. With this book, you will get inspiration to help guide you when you are in a dilemma. It is truly a gift to give yourself. The 30/30 Rules will become your personal problem solver. I have a basket of inspirational books and booklets.  Make The 30/30 Rules the first book you put in your own basket of wisdom and inspiration.

“Thank You Holly”, for the gift of your friendship.
Everyone thanks you for your caring and sharing of this invaluable tool.    
Judy Schneider

INTRODUCTION

“Ask yourself the easy questions and you will have a hard life. Ask yourself the hard questions and you will have an easy life.”
—Peter Thompson

The 30/30 Rules book series was brought to existence after The 40/40 Rules book project was unfolding. There were many women who didn’t meet the age requirement of forty and older, who wanted to be part of our awesome project. So, it was then I realized, the younger generation could also benefit from the knowledge of their elders.

The 40/40 Rules, subtitle is, Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40. That fit perfectly; however, I felt, The 30/30 Rules was more of a collection of women who could give their knowledge of a do-over (so to speak), and share information with women in their twenties. In these chapters, the women share how making some shifts in their life, or doing things differently, would’ve benefited and enhanced their life as to where they are now.

You are more than likely starting a family, or raising a family, struggling or have struggled with a relationship, went to school or are going to school. We have all been in our twenties, we get where you may be. The self-sabotaging thoughts, feeling of inadequacies, peer pressure, family pressure, and all of the rest, we have experienced ourselves. Therefore, we know that what we can share with you, will be priceless when you let us in, let go, and are willing to surrender.

In this book, it will be revealed to you, why these authors were selected to be part of The 30/30 Rules project. They are bright, brilliant, and even a little bold! They have much to share of their experiences, trials, and tribulations, and how they turned those experiences into success. I can’t wait until you dive in and read all the juicy details, find out what they recommend, and what they would change (if anything), about when they were in their twenties.

“I always pass failure on my way to success.”

                                          —Mickey Rooney

You will always hear me say, “You are Enough.” It is true, and I feel it to my core. Other’s may be there to rain on your parade and make you feel inadequate. We are all here to guide and support you, so you can feel, and know, you are enough.

“Success is achieved by those who have
the will to make it happen!”

                                 —Holly Porter

What’s Next?

“You can’t be a smart cookie
if you have a crummy attitude.”

                   —John Maxwell

Now that you may have discovered a few, or many, ways to make some better decisions and changes for your future, my hope is you will consider how and when they will be implemented. In my business and life, personality profiling is a huge part of how I see interactions shared. Everyone is unique, and we all do things differently. I call it “your own version of you.” Find what is natural to you, and what works for you. The definition of personality profiling is: a dynamic and organized set of characteristics possessed by a person that uniquely influences the environment, cognitions, emotions, motivations, and behaviors in various situations. However, my simple definition is: why we do what we do.

Learning about people is very important because, we interact with others all the time, and if you understand more about them, interacting would be much easier. Have you considered this? If you are in business (or even thinking about being in business), then learning about what makes people tick is even more important than ever. An example of this would be, when an introvert and extrovert have an interaction, and are opposites in every way. Person A is high energy, animated, and swift moving. Person B is calm, graceful, and speaks softly. So, if these two are having a conversation, and person A is moving a lot with their hands, speaking fast or loud, then person B would feel very uncomfortable and probably be taking a step back, or making an excuse to leave the conversation. This is a basic scenario of course, and I have a book called, Inbox Outbox Unbox Nobox: Four Steps to Delete Your Box Thinking, where you can learn more about all of this. I use shoe personas to discover which personality style you fit into, then teach you the steps to get to Nobox in your personality style.

People work like a Bank, some make deposits and some make withdrawals to your energy. Both can serve you for different reasons, and everything needs balance just like your bank accounts. Be quick to recognize the difference. The bank will send you a notice when you are overdrawn. With people, we usually have a withdraw show up somewhere in our body, and it’s called stress. Everything is energy. So, ask yourself this question: “Am I giving others a deposit or a withdrawal when I’m having an interaction with them?”

Having awareness is a huge way to reconcile for yourself, just like you do when you reconcile your bank accounts. My advice is to recognize in others, if they serve as a deposit or a withdrawal in your life. It would be easier to see how to adjust and have more balance, if we learn some basic skills. I would advise to track your money, your time, and your relationships, and then, revisit often.

Life is all about relationships. It is everything to helping us all learn and grow and move forward in our lives. In the first of the rules series, The 40/40 Rules: Wisdom From 40 Women Over 40 book, is more about the wisdom women share with the readers. These forty women talk about the shoulda’s, coulda’s, and woulda’s. In this book, it gives some inspiring advice, and would be a great read for anyone under fifty. (Yes, even the men could benefit from reading it.)

My hope is this book blesses your life, and you use the knowledge as a guide and a reference for the day to day challenges that can arise. Don’t be afraid to underline, or mark it up for future references. I can’t wait to hear all about how this book paves some of your journey ahead of you. Reach out anytime to Holly at: Holly@HollyPorter.com Remember to connect with any of the Authors you resonate with also!

I will leave you with this.

Be wise in the use of time,
the question of life is not,
how much time have we?
The question is,
what shall we do with it?
                           —Anna Robertson Brown

About the Author

Holly Porter is the Image Master and Founder of The Image Designers. She leads her clients through their million-dollar makeover, through image mindset coaching, and consulting (both personal and business). Holly is an International Speaker who inspires business breakthroughs and personal transformations. Publishing six books to date, Holly has inspired and assisted many other women (and some men), in reaching a new level of success.

When Holly is not working to accomplish million- dollar makeovers for her clients, she can be found relaxing with family and friends, going on vacation, and is a bike-chick to keep life fun! Holly has eight children, five grandchildren (so far), and her husband, Scott Porter. She currently resides in St. George, Utah.

“The 40/40 Rules: Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40 is a quick-reading compilation of the authors’ responses to the same thoughtful questions about how they each navigate their lives. Through this emerges a tapestry of stories colored with personal life lessons, invaluable knowledge and encouraging insights.

Although there is diversity within the group of authors, there seems to be a common denominator about this season of life that develops. It’s about the time women bloom into the best versions of themselves. Lessons learned reshape and define our self-esteem, values, and desire to serve others with clearer purpose. Rather than a threshold signaling an irreversible step into the eve of old age, forty is actually pretty magical. I highly recommend the book!”

Andrea Stockton

“The diverse group of women answering the same questions with a variety of life experiences, made this a wonderful read.  The answers they each present is unique to their experiences, yet there is no right or wrong, just wisdom from women who have learned what is important in life.”

Nancy E Gordon

“What a great idea to bring forty women together and get different perspectives for each of them. I learned many different ways others have done things! It gave me hope that I too could try some new things in my life and be just fine.”

Melissa Krampitz

“This book has brought me some new insights and the feeling that I am not alone when it comes to doing “life stuff.” I have learned a lot about 40 women who definitely have some wisdom to share. You should learn a lot too!”

Laurie Hartling

“When reading this book, there was a lot of diversity. I loved that the most. It is always refreshing to get other women’s perspectives on subjects. It has helped me realize, even though we may live all over the world, we can join together in things that are important, and grow by sharing our knowledge. What a great way to do so!”

Samantha Keown

“The Authors of The 40/40 Rules are women over the age of forty who are unique and share their diverse paths to achieve want every woman wants:  to feel special, be special, and gain great wisdom.”

MaryAnn Allen

“Holly Porter has done it again! She has brought together forty amazing women who share a wealth of information, their heart, and real wisdom from years of experience. The book is like a tapestry of various experiences to help any women who reads it, feel a true sisterhood, inspiration, and come away with ideas on how to be more prosperous in life and business. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to move their life forward.”

Michelle Finnagan Nixon

Foreword

What a fabulous book Holly has created with this newest book in her Rules series! Being one of the contributors in her first Rules Book, The 40/40 Rules: Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40, I can say firsthand what a difference her books have made for many who have learned from many unique women! In fact, it was so well received, that I offered the book’s compiler, Holly Porter, the idea to create a series from multiple generations of international women. It is thrilling to see what comes to fruition, not only for the wisdom and guidance each book provides the reader, but also to showcase Holly Porter’s many expansive gifts.

One of the gifts that Holly Porter provides in this book and this series is a platform for those who have not been published to become first-time authors. It changes people in such uplifting ways when they can create a body of work to be received by others in a book, particularly one that offers wisdom and guidance. For many new authors, becoming published has the power to up-level business owners, professionals, and entrepreneurs to an expert status, which can catapult them in business.

Inside you will find how forty unique authors view commitment, creativity, and productivity with the possibility of discovering ways to improve your own. Other life-changing gems inside these pages are suggestions and ideas about how to connect with your inner voice, wisdom found through the success of other, inspirational quotes, book recommendations, and so much more!

The best part of this book is that it is an easy read filled with ideas and information that illuminates the mind of readers to take action. Holly Porter has done it again with her newest offering, The 40/40 Rules: Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40! You won’t want to miss a single chapter!

Syndee Hendricks

Introduction

In The 40/40 Rules book (vol. 1), forty women became International Best-Sellers. After all of the responses from so many wanting to be part of the rules book series, it was decided that we would do a vol. 11. All of the rules book series are set up in a question and answer format. The authors answer the same questions in each of their chapters. You as the reader, can go through the same question and read each answer, or read it chapter by chapter. My favorite part in every one of The Rules Book Series is at the end. Each author lists their three must-read books and their favorite mantra.

The wisdom within these pages is from many years of blood, sweat, and tears from each author, to get to where they are today. In my opinion, any women who have lived 40+ years has some knowledge to share with others. I hope that when you read this book, you will discover some new ways of doing things differently or get new ideas of changes you can make in your life. Who knows, maybe you will think your life has been boring and want to take some action!

No matter where you are, know it is perfect for you, and it is never too late to discover and try something new in your life. Let’s go on a journey and imagine all the possibilities you are about to discover.

Imagine…

• Finding out what forty other women know and feel about commitments.
• Learning how others are productive, and what time of the day they are most productive.
• Your life with less chaos and stress.
• Living your top values every day, using them in your daily decisions.
• Advice from forty women about their financial success and advice they have learned about money along the way.
• Discovering 120 must-read books.

When you open your mind to see all of the wisdom within the pages of this book, continuous support and happiness in your life are possible. I invite you to find a quiet place to dig in, and really embrace the wisdom, ideas, and love all of the women in this book have to share with you. I know you will come out at the other end with the better knowledge and understanding of a few things about life, and know you are not alone. Enjoy.

Contents

Wisdom Comes in Many Forms

Let’s Do This Thing Called Life

Stop Surviving, Start Thriving

Success & Second-Chances

It Is What It Is

Under New Management

My Life Well Lived…So Far

Serving Up Success

Consistent Business Success

Turning Real Estate Dreams into Reality

Double Devotion

Life Lessons  &  Words of Wisdom from Dad

Hindsight

Everything Happens for a Reason

My Metamorphosis

Live in the Present,  Learn from the Past

Be Seen and Heard, and Shine

Keep Your Head Above the Voices

A Journey Towards Succcess

Real Answers to Today’s Hard Questions

Life Tapped In, Turned On,  & Powerful

Pursuing Your Dreams  with Creativity and Confidence

You Are Your Best Compass

Life Moves On

Charming Changeable You

Wisdom from the Heart

Finding Joy

Who Am I?

A Balanced Life For You

INTRODUCTION

“I don’t think inside the box.
I don’t think outside the box.
I don’t even know where the box is!”

In my mind, I found myself often saying: “Step away from the box and get rid of the box. Don’t limit what you can do by boxing yourself in.”  Compared to the masses, I have always been a different type of thinker when it comes to life. I know there is typically a better (or more unique), way to get things done.

The word (my word), is Figureoutable…which means…everything can be figured out. I whole-heartedly believe, and know, everything is figureoutable. When you limit yourself to what is truly possible, you are in, what I call, Box-Thinking mode. In this book, you will be coached, not only on how to get out of your box, but on how to get rid of your box altogether.

“Many people will only love you as-long-as you fit into their box.
Don’t be afraid to disappoint them!”

How do you think it would feel to have NOBOX? I encourage you (if you must), to kick, stomp, and/or step away, to change your thinking—change your mindset—so you have NOBOX. Simply put, “Do whatever it takes!”

“Instead of thinking outside the box,
get rid of the box.”

This book has been on my mind for a few years, and it was only recently when I realized exactly what it would look like, how it would be articulated, and how it would reach you. I know, without a shadow-of-a-doubt, for this book to accomplish what it was created for, it must include the following four attributes:

1. FUN

I am guessing you are like most, in that you love to be entertained. Am I correct? This is exactly why I have structured this book in a way that allows you to enjoy the process of getting UNBOXED; all the while, feeling and knowing that you are part of the process through relation
and visualization of the lessons within this book.

2. ADVENTUROUS

As you read and learn more about which shoe persona you are, you will feel my presence as I take this adventure with you. Along your adventure, be sure to give thought to why you do what you do and what motivates you to succeed in both life and business.

3. REALISTIC

Goals. Goals. Goals. Ever-flowing goals. Ideas are everywhere and quickly turn into goals. Before you know it (if you are none-the-wiser), you find yourself with goals and deadlines impossible to achieve—not seemingly impossible; rather, truly impossible. More than likely, you have set goals that send you on a rocky road to please everyone who surrounds you. As you take your adventure through this book, please keep at the forefront of your mind, you cannot be everything to everyone and it’s okay to just BE YOU. Know that, “You are ENOUGH.”

4. EDUCATE

For years I have studied personalities and what makes people tick—what makes them who they are and do what they do. I may not be the end-all expert or shoe expert in personalities; however, the shoe personas remind me of the movie, What Women Want, starring Mel Gibson. Knowing what I know, I’m not sure Mel Gibson ever truly figured out what it is that women want. (Of course, not from lack of trying.) Truth is, women can be a challenge to figure out sometimes. Perhaps it is the one thing that isn’t figureoutable…well, to men at least. This is only my opinion. It’s is a good thing some men like challenges.

With that being said, answer this: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Yin or Yang Energy? Do you know what that even means? If not, would you like too? Before you take the shoe persona test in this book, you will see a short description of Yin and Yang Energy, and Fire, Air, Earth, and Water Elements. This way, you will better understand your test results.

One thing I want you to remember as you read this book is, this book is designed to be fun for you. So, be sure not to get caught up worrying if your shoe persona is far different from your friends. Know that, we can all learn from each other. Even more, remember the importance of loving others for who they are and loving yourself for who you are. In all reality, we all march to the beat of our own drum. Some tunes are louder and we can hear them coming from a mile away; while other tunes, you can barely hear at all. However, whatever beat you march to, know it fits perfectly with who you are—never apologize for it. So, let your hair down, put your big girl panties on, and let’s play!

What Others Are Saying About Elena Rahrig & This Book

“Contained within these pages is a profound and insightful text for the seeker of truth! As you travel down this adventurous road of thoughts, you will be able to see where you are and where your exciting destination awaits you. Are You Boxed In? is a wonderful journey of self-examination into the reasons we respond the way we do.”

                                                       — Patrick Snow    International Best-Selling Author of
Creating Your Own Destiny and Boy Entrepreneur

“Are You Boxed In? offers the revolutionary suggestion that it is no longer about just thinking outside of the box, but we need to crush the box completely. Elena asks us to discover whether we are a Peeper, Flipper, Inspector, or Warrior. Only the Warrior succeeds in leaving the confining box behind. Elena teaches us how to determine who we want to be and learn how to become Warriors, while keeping God in the process, and also what’s important in life in perspective. It’s time to crush the box!”

                                                  — Tyler R. Tichelaar
Ph.D., and award-winning author of Narrow Lives and Arthur’s Legacy

This powerful and practical book guides you to   change the mindset attitudes that hold you back and block your success. Follow its simple strategies to transform your life.”

                        — Susan Friedmann, CSP
International best-selling author of
Riches in Niches: How to Make it BIG in a small Market

“I found so much strength within myself with Are You Boxed IN? The book has helped me realize what it means to be a Warrior, be significant, and to be the light in this world. I never realized how close I was to becoming a Warrior or what steps I needed to take to get myself there. This is an amazing and inspiring book to read!”

                                                                                                                               — Lea Purk

“Thank you, Father God, for putting Elena into our lives. Elena has let her past determine her future. She uses her past to comfort the broken-hearted and set the captives free. I have always been totally comfortable and at ease with sharing fears or difficult and sometimes prideful situations with her. She has never judged me, but instead, has loved me. I always thought I had to be a leader to be a warrior. How wrong I was. Through this book, Elena has explained for me in great detail how to be a Warrior and to live the life God intended me to live. If you want to find true happiness in a difficult world, peruse the pages of this book. Easy and fantastic reading.”

                                                                          — Patricia Webb

“This woman amazes me! Thank God for placing her in my path when He did. It all happened early on before some major changes in my life, and then BAM! He sent her back my way…my Elena angel. She helped me through some very dark moments so we all know it was for a reason! Keep me inspired, my dear! You have truly impacted my life!”

                                                                       — Tracey Willoughby

“This book is very uplifting and so truthful. Elena, I love the way you speak from your heart and put into powerful words how we all feel. I relate to your book, and I know it will be on the best-seller list.”

                         — Barb Mesker

Introduction
WHY?

Have you ever set goals? Have you said, “I hope I meet my goal,” or “I wish to meet my goal,” or even perhaps the worst one yet: “I will try to meet my goal”? Have you ever set a goal and not reached it?

Here is just one more “Have you ever…” question for you: Have you ever thought, or perhaps even said, that if only you would reach your goal, you would see some change in your life? I am guessing you are similar to the masses and have indeed said or thought this. I know I have. I used to set goals often, and more times than not, I never achieved them. So here is what I have learned and am still mastering.

If we think that change comes when we meet our goals, we are utilizing an oxymoron belief. Because the truth is that we cannot meet our goals unless we first change.

One of the most important lessons I am learning in business is to never put the cart before the horse. When we try to meet a goal without first changing, we are doing just that. If we don’t first change our self, then reaching our goals will never happen.

Once we take the proper steps to obtain growth in our lives, then we will see ourselves crossing the finish line, ultimately achieving our goals. From there, we can begin to set new goals that will take us to yet another level of independence and success, thus entering into a state of a newfound self-worth based on hard work and perseverance—beaming out of us from a state of self-reflection and humility, and always being proud of who we are, yet never prideful!

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction,
and haughtiness before a fall.

Before we go any further, I want to explain a little about the program for you. Five years of speaking to audiences about specific products and business opportunities led me here, speaking from my spirit (God’s heart), writing books, and leading others to define and fulfill their own individual purposes. Although I have known since a young age that this calling was right where God wanted me, I never knew the message He would lay on my heart to bring to you—His children.

As a result of my experience in speaking to diverse audiences about products and business opportunities, I began to notice the different levels of security within people. At first glance, I thought these security levels were because of personality types. However, when I grew to understand conditioning, I recognized that security levels are caused by conditioned behaviors.

After I would give a presentation, some people would respond with a show of trust, while others…not so much. Some were excited and obvious leaders. They were fired up and ready to get started—even thanking me afterwards for sharing with them an opportunity that would change their lives by fulfilling their dreams of financial freedom. Meanwhile, some had the attitude of: “Well…if you’ll do it, then I’ll do it, too.” Furthermore, some had an extremely negative attitude: criticizing, rejecting, judging, even mocking, and showing lack of belief—not just in the opportunity, but also in the people who were excited about it. Then there were some people who bolted for the door, hoping not to be seen or talked to, and even praying that nobody would contact them afterwards.

The more I noticed these behaviors, the more my curiosity grew. I desired to understand the “Why?”

• Why are people like this?
• Why can’t they see the bigger picture?
• Why do they allow themselves to become stuck?
• Why are they so unhappy?
• Why do they lack belief?

Due to my curiosity, I began to study all the aspects of the “Why?” My first step was to pinpoint the different responses. Once that was done, I began to look into the personality types, only to find that these responses had nothing to do with the personality types at all, but everything to do with the way each individual had been conditioned throughout his or her life.

It wasn’t long before I understood the concept of conditioning and I became able to identify each response with a security level. Then I proceeded to give each level a name that accurately coincided with it.

Conditioning begins the moment we are born. It is what becomes part of our thought process, through what we hear, see, experience, and even what we have been taught. It sets the tone for how we perceive situations or circumstances, and how we begin to react or respond to them.

“Anything that has been conditioned
can be unconditioned.”
– Elena Rahrig

The “4 Box Security Levels” concept, which is the focus of Part One of this book, was just the first insight that I was led to by God. Once these levels were established, more questions came to me:

• How can I help people “recondition” their thinking?
• How can I get them to see themselves the way God sees them?
• How can I show them what God meant for their lives?
• How can I teach them to change their mindsets?
• How can I instill belief in them?

How can I help them understand the importance of crushing the boxes in which they live, and begin living up to the Kingdom’s standards, instead of the world’s?

I knew the only way to answer these questions was to peer into my own life. My past. My circumstances. My situations. To ask myself, “How did I get to where I am today?” However, I realized that although I stand where I stand today, there are still obstacles that I too am overcoming. While I am still overcoming these obstacles, I can also see my future as though I have already overcome them. So, is that the explanation? Is my belief level so high that I know although I may have flaws today, I won’t have these flaws tomorrow or someday soon? Is that belief level the result of my trust in God? Is it that I hold God to His word? Yes, I believe it is all of that, yet there is still more to it.

One winter night, as I sat talking with my husband about how I could help people, God began to flood my brain with ideas. I cannot begin to describe this miraculous moment to give it the proper credit it deserves. The solutions came to me so quickly that I couldn’t grab a paper and pen fast enough. Ultimately, I found myself with a surprised husband after work the next day, when he came home to find our bedroom wall painted in chalkboard paint, covered with scribbles of what was flooding my thoughts. It was in that moment that I first saw the outline for Your 5D Transformation System—the “Achievement” part of the entire Transform System, which I’ll explain in Part Two.

More recently, I have realized that the Transform structure has what I call the “3A Objective.” The “4 Box Security Levels” I described above are the Awareness objective. Awareness is crucial because if you are not self-reflecting and made aware of how you are acting, you will never know that you need to change, and therefore, you will remain complacent. Once you are aware that you need to change, Your 5D Transformation System, assist you in doing so. It is with this system, you will learn to overcome in order to become.

There is much more I could tell you about this system and how it evolved, but one step at a time. What matters for you is not how it evolved, but whether it works to bring you the results you want. In this book, you will learn about each “Box Security Level” so you can become aware of which one you are acting in, and perhaps even be enlightened to how you were conditioned to think as you do. Once you are aware of these truths, I will introduce you to Your 5D Transformation System; thus allowing you to step outside your box and leave it behind you. After you understand Your 5D Transformation System, I invite you to dive deeper into it. Your 5D Transformation System is packaged with 25 videos and a workbook. When the time comes, just visit my website www.ETransformInternational.com for more information. But for now, let’s figure out which Security Level you’re at so you can get started. It’s time to crush your box!

CONTENT

Introduction ‘Why?’
PART ONE: 4 BOX SECURITY LEVELS
Chapter 1: Are You a Warrior?
Chapter 2: Building the Walls
Chapter 3: Are You a Peeper?
Chapter 4: Are You a Flipper?
Chapter 5: Are You an Inspector?
Chapter 6: Leaving the Box
PART TWO: YOUR 5D TRANSFORMATION SYSTEM
Chapter 7: Introduction
Chapter 8: Determining Who You Are
Chapter 9: Divorcing Your Fears
Chapter 10: Discovering Your Capabilities
Chapter 11: Developing a Significant Life
Chapter 12: Defining Your Purpose
APPENDICES:
Appendix A: 100 Things I Love
Appendix B: 100 Things I Hate
Appendix C: The Best of Wisdom from Proverbs
About the Author
What’s Next?

What Others Are Saying About Elena Rahrig & This Book

“As I read the book there were many times I wanted to yell out, “No Elena Don’t!” There were times I became angry of how she was dismissed with her dreams and used by so many!  There were other times I wanted to reach into the pages and say, “He is the answer;” with the He being referenced as a blend between God and her now husband Doug. If nothing else, take her by the hand and lead her. We have been blessed in that Elena has done what many of us have the power to do with similar ener-gy. Elena has made it through and been an inspirational motivator to many. Read this book of survival of the spirit-ually fittest; and follow.”

                                                                        Jack Hammill

“Loved how raw and real Elena was in sharing her life as a backsliding Christian. The emotion that she, not only experienced, but captured for us all to feel and relate to touched my soul and made me realize I am not alone and I too can conquer my past.”

                                                                              Lea Purk

“As I read Tangled and Tormented I found myself saying, “This is the last chapter and I am going to bed.” However, I found myself not being able to put it down. Elena’s story is very relatable, as I too have had my own struggles and things I had done in my life where I wondered why I was living that way and why I kept making the same bad choices. My biggest struggle, just like Elena, was wonder-ing Who am I?  It was so enlightening to read about some-one, such as Elena, who has so much to offer this world, yet had trouble finding her place. At the end, I loved how Elena was able to overcome her past and stand today as a conqueror.”

                                                                         Beth Lybarger

“Love this book. The chapter titles alone intrigued me to read on. The introduction gave me hope that I too can become a conqueror of my past and allow God to use my life for what He created me for. As Elena had, I too have struggled with anger issues and am learning that God wants us to conqueror our past so that we can live for Him. Elena is an excellent example of this. Her story gives people hope that they too can let go of their past and push towards a better and brighter future. I love her husband’s heart and he is an excellent example for many men. Thank you for holding out Doug.”

                                                                              Pat Webb

FOREWORD

New Book Chronicles
One Woman’s Path from Pain to
Fulfilling God’s Promise

Elena is a phenomenal public speaker and the creat-or of the Transform programs and academies. She has authored other self-help books, including Are You Boxed In? about how we all need, not only to think outside of the box, but to climb out of it and crush it. Until now, only those closest to her knew just how messy her life has been at times. In her new memoir, Tangled and Tormented, Elena offers a surprising, honest, and introspective look at her life. Her purpose in telling her own story is not to shock, not to sell books through sensationalism, and not to degrade herself. Rather, it’s to testify to the power of God, and how He works in mysterious ways to mold us into the amazing people He meant for us to be.

Early on, Elena tells us: “You, the reader, will exper-ience all my tangles and torments with me as you lick your finger and turn the pages. My desire is that, in the end, you will see my triumph. It was during one of my darkest, most painful nights that I prayed the prayer of helplessness that so many of us say, “God, where are you?” In that moment, I saw myself in the pits of a dried up stone well sitting in my own dark misery. I looked up and saw Jesus’ lit face and His hand reaching down to pull me up.”

Jesus did pull Elena up, but not until she had basic-ally run as far away from Jesus as she could. The result, Elena tells us, is, “I was captured within Satan’s battlefield and my life became his playground.” The funny thing is, from an early age, Elena knew God had a purpose for her life. When she was still a kid, her father used to pay her to read self-help and business books to encourage her to make something out of herself when she grew up. Of course, she agreed because she wanted the money, but the books also sunk in, and eventually, they led to an extraordinary experience: “About the time I was fourteen God came to me and gave me a vision of being on stage, touching the lives of His children; and also, writing books.”

Most people spend their lives searching for their purposes, so God’s message was a true gift for Elena. Still, she let the world distract her from that purpose. She goes on to tell us, in often painful detail, how she was a misfit and outcast throughout middle and high school. She was also very attractive, but she never believed it. She had boys who were interested in her, but she also had boyfriends cheat on her; including with her best friend. She ended up changing schools and eventually dropped out before graduating. When she discovered sex, she became boy crazy, and eventually, that resulted in children, failed relationships, and all kinds of other complications.

More than once, God showed Elena that He was still there and watching over her. One man, in particular, seemed to hang around, almost as if God put him in her life to help her. However, she remained resistant to changing, going back and forth from God to chaos.

In time, Elena’s life started to turn around, but it was a long process. Whenever she took two steps forward, she was sure to find herself taking a step back. Sometimes, it got so bad that she became paranoid, anxious, and convinced that the devil was out to kill her. But even through the worst moments, she held on and turned back to God. Ultimately, she realized He was making her stronger so she could fulfill her purpose. As she honestly says, “The truth is that we do need to live a life of no sin, but for too long, I tried to do that on my own instead of allowing God to work things out in me in His own way and His time.” Truly, that she survived all these experiences must have been a miracle.

Elena also knows that no one will ever totally arrive at complete perfection. Even when she finally found the courage to live her purpose, the people closest to her began bringing up her past and asking, “Who do you think you are?” Hurt, but determined, she ignored them. “On my journey, none of Satan’s attacks were working. Yes, he knocked me down a lot of times, but so far, I had not quit. It is the abortion of our purpose that he desperately wants to see take place, but I refused to hand over a dead baby to him.”

Elena’s courage and honesty are inspiring. She is obviously not a saint, but a flawed human being, like the rest of us. The difference is she’s not afraid to bare her soul in her great desire to help us. In her imperfections and faults, we can all find hope and healing, knowing that we aren’t alone. Whatever readers’ religious or spiritual beliefs, everyone can benefit from her message in Tangled and Tormented of finding and holding on to your purpose against all odds.

— Tyler R. Tichelaar, Ph.D.,
Award-Winning Author of The Children of Arthur series

INTRODUCTION

“You can have your family and this town!
I am finished!
I hate you!”

There were no more tears left to cry. As my often-flowing tears dried up, helplessness consumed me. Anger and frustration filled me. My previous burning desire to be happy now felt out of my reach. I was tangled in emotions that were torturing my soul. My emotional pain turned physical, causing me frequently to wake up in too much pain to move. My body ached where no specialist could find anything wrong. I thought I would die of a broken heart.

This moment was just one more sad short story in the series that made up my life. How did my husband and I get here? Was this the man I had once loved? Who was he? Who was I? I felt tricked, lied to, and betrayed. The betrayal was real, yet unintentional. It was a betrayal out of being conditioned to push things under the rug—a betrayal that stemmed from avoidance.

As my last ditch effort to find a reason for this situation became pointless, I became emotionally irrational. The blanket that had once kept me warm and symbolized safety and security to me, suddenly transformed into my weapon of choice. I flew off the couch in a frustrated rage as I tried desperately to bomb my blanket at my husband’s head. I wanted him to feel the pain embodied deep within my soul. I wished the blanket were a two-ton truck about to smash him so he could experience the equivalent of my emotional pain. That blanket reiterated my emotions as I became tangled in and tormented by its grasp. It was the eyewitness to me behaving like a mix between a dedicated and determined ninja and a toddler throwing a tantrum on the grocery aisle floor. I slashed around, trying to make him feel my pain, but soon I would find myself sitting there, saying to myself, “I am foolish.”

As I begin to write my testimony, it is the sight of me tangled in that blanket that connects me to the emotions that tormented me for so many years—the emotions I felt from never fitting in—the emotions created by my uncertainty, insecurity, and sense of never being good enough. Little did I know, all my short stories would ultimately create my testimony.

You, the reader, will experience all my tangles and torments with me as you lick your finger and turn the pages. My desire is that, in the end, you will see my triumph. It was during one of my darkest, most painful nights that I prayed the prayer of helplessness that so many of us say, “God where are you?” In that moment, I saw myself in the pits of a dried up stone well sitting in my own dark misery. I looked up and saw Jesus’ lit face and His hand reaching down to pull me up.

If you are at the bottom of a dried up stone well, I encourage you to look up and reach out. Jesus is there waiting to pull you out. When you turn your story into your testimony, you are able to share with others in need that you are no longer tangled and tormented by your emotions, nor your circumstances. It is then that you become released by your testimony. Your testimony is like any story; it has a beginning, middle, and end. All the short stories that got you here today are the beginning of your testimony. As you begin to self-reflect and grow, you create your climax, preparing for your grand ending. This book is my beginning, my climax, and the beginning to my grand ending.

As you read my story, I encourage you to think about your own past, about your own trials, tribulations, mistakes, and failures. The liberty that comes from learning to embrace your past, instead of hiding from it in shame, is like no other. Through writing this book, I have learned that I am not my past, my trials, tribulations, mistakes, nor failures. Throughout my life, many people have tried desperately to hold me in my past and continuously punish me for my shortcomings by beginning their sentences to me with, “Remember when…” or “But you did this,” or even spreading gossip about my shortcomings to those they meet. Their behavior has caused me to spend most of my life shutting my past out in order to ignore my shame and avoid arguments with those who tried to force me into shame. However, writing my testimony for all to read has set this captive free, allowing me now to live my truth, knowing that God’s plan has never been to have any of us walk in shame. I can now embrace my past, hold my head high, and feel no shame because I know I am a conquer.

My deepest prayer and ultimate mission for this book is to have it inspire you to shed your shame by first embracing and then conquering your past.

                                     Elena Rahrig

CONTENT

Foreword
Introduction
The Clay Pot
Miss Misfit
Raised to Be Different
What Became of Me?
Transformation Begins
Reverting
The Beginning of My New Life
A Busted Nose
Reunited
Unacceptance
Honeymoon Baby
Trying to Find My Place
It’s All Been Taken Away
The Aftermath
Valuable Lessons
A Door Opens
Party Girl
Building Transform
Pregnant with Purpose
Who Am I Today?
A Letter to My 9-Year-Old Self
Words of Encouragement & Truth
Appendix A 100 Things I Love
Appendix B 100 Things I Hate
About the Author
About Transform International

INTRODUCTION

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

                          –  Maya Angelou

Such a profound and powerful statement!  When we live according to this truth we will become rapidly successful. When our actions and words make others feel good they desire to make us feel good in return; which points to the truth of “We reap what we sow.”

Although a powerful statement, there is a lesson on communication within what she has said that is more than the meaning of the quote. If we turn our focus to the first 2 words she states: “I’ve learned”. When we speak we want to make sure that our words are soft.  Misrepresented words and phrases leaves others assuming the worst. Just as our minds are conditioned to dwell on the negative more than the positive so does our mind operate when making assumptions about others.

For instance, if I say “I have learned” it can come across to someone as I am smarter, I am wiser, and You should know this too. As soon as you hit a nerve within someone they immediately shut down, stop listening, and start judging whether or not they like you. Once they begin to judge and lean towards not liking you they will begin to turn to look for the worst in you from there on out. Same is true if you begin your sentence with a feel good relatable statement they begin to see the best in you and look for more ways to like you and engage with you. What if we instead say, “I am learning”? This phrase has the same positive impact as “I’ve learned” but negates the negative impact that “I’ve learned” can have.

This, my friend, is the art of Phraseology.

Phraseology:
A manner in which something is expressed, experienced, or done; especially one characteristic of a particular speaker or writer.

Now that we have learned the phraseology within the phrase “I’ve learned” verses “I am learning” let’s take a look at some other phrases and words that are widely used and can lead to misinterpreted expression and experience.

CONTENT

Introduction: Words Matter
I’ll Try
Kind Of
So
Me, Myself, and I
You vs We
You’re Wrong
I’ll Let You
But
No
The
What’s Wrong with This Advertising Email?
Body Language
What’s Next
About the Author
What I Do & My Accomplishments